(no subject)
From a distraught voice,
and a broken up connection,
I hear three words.
My heart races, then sinks.
By the time I process this
I realize you are gone.
I freaked out a little, things have become way too strange lately. I waited about ten minutes then called him back. [Don't bother guessing who "him" is, you won't get it, and even if you do I won't tell you.] We carried on a rather normal conversation, with some awkward moments. He sounded upset, but asking him what was wrong didn't seem to help. I'm no good at helping people. The best I can do is make them laugh for a few moments before there worries set back in. I didn't mention the above call till near the end of the conversation. Silence for a good amount of time, then humor. The only thing it seems people like myself can resort to in these situations. I don't know the difference between truth and lies.
I hate letting people know when they hurt me. [I resort to anger 98% of the time] This is apperently no problem for you. Let me tell you, you do a wonderful job at making me feel like the horrible person I am. [Victory?]
When people ask me anything lately, I can't answer them. My brains been a jumble of thoughts for weeks, months, years. Stored up, ready to explode at any moment. There all trapped, racing around. I can't concentrate on anything anymore. I couldn't tell you how I felt if I wanted too. [Which believe me, I wish I could] It seems the simplest questions are the most difficult to answer.
Jealousy drove me mad before, I can't imagine what it will do to me now.
I want to know the things that were said.
Goodness gracious.
-----
Enough of that.
Short little update:
New years:
For not knowing what we were doing till the day before New Years was 10394029340 times better than I had been expecting. Colleens family is by far one of my favorite familys I have ever met. I'm so glad they didn't get angry with my ridiculousness. [Well, not REALLY angry] Some things where really weird and annoying, others went extremely well. I can't remember a lot of things, or the order they happened in, but I remember having a damn good time.
Break in general has been good. I feel like I've been hanging out with Colleen a lot? but I don't know if that's true. I don't really know what I've been doing, which is weird. What happened to my memory? I hung out with Laura H today. I only hung out with her twice over break, I feel really bad. I also got to see Janice and Avanthi, both who I only saw once over break. I feel so bad. I can't believe I only saw them once, they're like those friends that you actually can see yourself talking to in 30 years. Actually, I see myself still talking to a lot of you in 30 years, so, nevermind. Dangit.
I only saw Kris and Adam once too. I never saw Dan. What the heck have I been doing? Those three are like so amazing. Probably the three nicest people I know. It's always smiles with those three.
What did I do all break? I still have awhile left...but it seems like I've seen no one and that it went so fast.
Wow.
Ramble, ramble.
I miss you.
and a broken up connection,
I hear three words.
My heart races, then sinks.
By the time I process this
I realize you are gone.
I freaked out a little, things have become way too strange lately. I waited about ten minutes then called him back. [Don't bother guessing who "him" is, you won't get it, and even if you do I won't tell you.] We carried on a rather normal conversation, with some awkward moments. He sounded upset, but asking him what was wrong didn't seem to help. I'm no good at helping people. The best I can do is make them laugh for a few moments before there worries set back in. I didn't mention the above call till near the end of the conversation. Silence for a good amount of time, then humor. The only thing it seems people like myself can resort to in these situations. I don't know the difference between truth and lies.
I hate letting people know when they hurt me. [I resort to anger 98% of the time] This is apperently no problem for you. Let me tell you, you do a wonderful job at making me feel like the horrible person I am. [Victory?]
When people ask me anything lately, I can't answer them. My brains been a jumble of thoughts for weeks, months, years. Stored up, ready to explode at any moment. There all trapped, racing around. I can't concentrate on anything anymore. I couldn't tell you how I felt if I wanted too. [Which believe me, I wish I could] It seems the simplest questions are the most difficult to answer.
Jealousy drove me mad before, I can't imagine what it will do to me now.
I want to know the things that were said.
Goodness gracious.
-----
Enough of that.
Short little update:
New years:
For not knowing what we were doing till the day before New Years was 10394029340 times better than I had been expecting. Colleens family is by far one of my favorite familys I have ever met. I'm so glad they didn't get angry with my ridiculousness. [Well, not REALLY angry] Some things where really weird and annoying, others went extremely well. I can't remember a lot of things, or the order they happened in, but I remember having a damn good time.
Break in general has been good. I feel like I've been hanging out with Colleen a lot? but I don't know if that's true. I don't really know what I've been doing, which is weird. What happened to my memory? I hung out with Laura H today. I only hung out with her twice over break, I feel really bad. I also got to see Janice and Avanthi, both who I only saw once over break. I feel so bad. I can't believe I only saw them once, they're like those friends that you actually can see yourself talking to in 30 years. Actually, I see myself still talking to a lot of you in 30 years, so, nevermind. Dangit.
I only saw Kris and Adam once too. I never saw Dan. What the heck have I been doing? Those three are like so amazing. Probably the three nicest people I know. It's always smiles with those three.
What did I do all break? I still have awhile left...but it seems like I've seen no one and that it went so fast.
Wow.
Ramble, ramble.
I miss you.