, just to break my fall.
I always feel like I have things to say, when I actually don't. Maybe I do and I just let them slip my mind, or maybe I make myself forget them. I don't know. I've realized a few things the past few days. I don't say anything to people when I get mad at them. I simply get mad and fume. I try not to talk to them, but when I do it seems I'm not mad at them at all. I will then get angry at myself for letting people walk all over me and get away with it. Every now and then I break down and just give up. People are so dang lame.
I also realized I don't like to talk to people. Well, I do, but not really, not about serious things. Actually, that's wrong too. I don't know how to say what I'm trying to. After I talk to people I run over everything I said in my mind a bagillion times. I think of all the things they could have preceived wrong or in a bad manner. Now they have some negative view on me because of something I said, but didn't mean in that way.
I don't like getting hurt by people. It's lame. However, I like people. I like spending time with them and laughing and hanging a good time. I think I let myself get too close to people. I don't know, aren't we supposed to get close to people? Dangit. I don't know. I just hate letting people effect me in such a bad way.
When I said I like to be the glue that holds people together, I meant in a relationship sort of situation...not as people themselves. Yeah, whatever.
I often get squeezed out in these relationships. I think this is why I flee many situations so soon, along with the million others.
Don't be such a negative Nancy. Geez grrl.
Today when I was in school I started taking note of all the things that make me happy everyday that I take for granted. Heres what I can remember at the moment:
-Elijah, even though hes a cocky bastard who thinks hes so damn cute, he sort of is. Eye contact always makes me smile, and he actually came over to talk to me today. It was nice. He danced around the room and looked at me. What a fool.
-Everyone in that class in general is super nice. I like them all.
-Billy wanting to be my partner even if he is sort of a creep.
-Subway [eat fresh].
-Not biting my lip. SLDKFLSKDF YaYAYAYAY!
-Not being called on in Sociology.
-KC cracking up at everything our teacher says.
-Having a ridiculous teacher to laugh at.
-KC talking about "Pillow talk"
-Napping in my car.
-Waking up a realizing Rebecca was in the car next to me.
-Walking to class with her. [Then getting to class and realizing we both didn't have our stuff and having to go to our car, and back again]
-My english teacher not coming to class.
-Sitting in class for 30 mins with nice people talking about random things.
-Driving home taking the back roads.
-CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.
-Bobo.
-Dental Floss.
-Listening to Styx.
-Not having to wake up before nine, anyday of the week.
-Certain friends.
-Bubbles.
-My Dadda.
-Thursdays with Holly.
-Pillows.
-Clean spaces.
-People who hold the door for me.
-Seeing people I haven't seen in awhile.
-HUGS.
-Cuddling. sdlfksdlf.
-People who say "Okee Dokee" "Goodness gracious" or "eeeegads"
-Typing in caps.
-Pajamas.
-Tom Shemanski.
-TIPS.
-Hip-hop.
-Explodingdog.com.
-Feeling like a fool for laughing at stuff on exlodingdog.com.
-Hands and Feets and Brains and the fact that I typed feets.
-Not having pimples, even though I have them right now.
-Listening to new bands.
-Rearranging stuff.
-Organized stuff.
I think that's an okay list of stuff for now.
I also realized I don't like to talk to people. Well, I do, but not really, not about serious things. Actually, that's wrong too. I don't know how to say what I'm trying to. After I talk to people I run over everything I said in my mind a bagillion times. I think of all the things they could have preceived wrong or in a bad manner. Now they have some negative view on me because of something I said, but didn't mean in that way.
I don't like getting hurt by people. It's lame. However, I like people. I like spending time with them and laughing and hanging a good time. I think I let myself get too close to people. I don't know, aren't we supposed to get close to people? Dangit. I don't know. I just hate letting people effect me in such a bad way.
When I said I like to be the glue that holds people together, I meant in a relationship sort of situation...not as people themselves. Yeah, whatever.
I often get squeezed out in these relationships. I think this is why I flee many situations so soon, along with the million others.
Don't be such a negative Nancy. Geez grrl.
Today when I was in school I started taking note of all the things that make me happy everyday that I take for granted. Heres what I can remember at the moment:
-Elijah, even though hes a cocky bastard who thinks hes so damn cute, he sort of is. Eye contact always makes me smile, and he actually came over to talk to me today. It was nice. He danced around the room and looked at me. What a fool.
-Everyone in that class in general is super nice. I like them all.
-Billy wanting to be my partner even if he is sort of a creep.
-Subway [eat fresh].
-Not biting my lip. SLDKFLSKDF YaYAYAYAY!
-Not being called on in Sociology.
-KC cracking up at everything our teacher says.
-Having a ridiculous teacher to laugh at.
-KC talking about "Pillow talk"
-Napping in my car.
-Waking up a realizing Rebecca was in the car next to me.
-Walking to class with her. [Then getting to class and realizing we both didn't have our stuff and having to go to our car, and back again]
-My english teacher not coming to class.
-Sitting in class for 30 mins with nice people talking about random things.
-Driving home taking the back roads.
-CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.
-Bobo.
-Dental Floss.
-Listening to Styx.
-Not having to wake up before nine, anyday of the week.
-Certain friends.
-Bubbles.
-My Dadda.
-Thursdays with Holly.
-Pillows.
-Clean spaces.
-People who hold the door for me.
-Seeing people I haven't seen in awhile.
-HUGS.
-Cuddling. sdlfksdlf.
-People who say "Okee Dokee" "Goodness gracious" or "eeeegads"
-Typing in caps.
-Pajamas.
-Tom Shemanski.
-TIPS.
-Hip-hop.
-Explodingdog.com.
-Feeling like a fool for laughing at stuff on exlodingdog.com.
-Hands and Feets and Brains and the fact that I typed feets.
-Not having pimples, even though I have them right now.
-Listening to new bands.
-Rearranging stuff.
-Organized stuff.
I think that's an okay list of stuff for now.