All my friends say that of course its gonna get better.
Every ones been rather negative lately. I can't tell if it's actually from stress [or other various reasons] or if it's just our negative attitudes bouncing off one another. Perhaps it's a bit of both.
I feel like things are weird or something. Like I missed something big or something to that aspect. Perhaps it's just the fact that I'm basically letting my life waste away before my very own eyes.
Last week...was rather...kfjskjasdkd.
Thursday, I got to see Holly. We wondered around Target, rented Silence of the Lambs, and attempted to make puppy chow. We talked for awhile and it was nice. I like talking to people, but I feel like I open up to them too easily sometimes [not that I shouldn't talk to Holly] In the morning we made chocolate chip pancakes, what else is new. Ahahaha. It was a pleasant night/morning.
Friday, I went with Jessica to get pumpkins at this cute little place. Golly it was adorable. We went to Laura's and we all carved pumpkins. Tim came over, we all dressed up. We decided to go to Charlie's Halloween party. Laura put like 28394823984 lbs. of hair spray in my hair. When we leave Laura and I are the only ones dressed up anymore. We basically look like crack whores. We drive there, the four of us in my tiny car. We listen to music to pump us up for the awkward moments ahead. We arrive, no ones there. We sit in our car a bit contemplating on what to do. We walk up to the door and look at each other. There's no one in the basement. By this time I feel really weird that I just randomly sort of walked into someones house. We decided to leave. Then Chuck comes, we stand around, then go to his room. He shows us his gizmos, which were quite neat. We listen to records. He shows us his ties, he models. I attempt to stand on my head and almost take out his computer. We watch a break dancing DVD. We decided to go to Denny's. Putting 5 people in my car is rather cozy, but no one seems to say much. My drivings horrible. I realized I can't really see I night or anytime really. I squint a lot. So, I drive bad, and Chuck is next to me attempting to give me directions. I yell at him a few times, but not really. I feel weird calling him Chuck, then again I feel weird calling him Charlie. I don't know what to call him. Anyways we go to Denny's. I think most of the time I forgot I looked sort of weird. I'm not one to care though. I generally am good at drawing attention to myself no matter how I'm dressed. Tim and I are immature, causing some awkward moments. We leave. I keep my car at a rather high heat level. This makes some people agree. I like to feel toasty. We drop him off, drive home. People like to complain about the music. I hate it when people do this. If you can't think of what to listen to then shut up when someone else picks it or fucking drive yourself. I'm so sick of driving. I wish I could walk everywhere or shoot people in the face or something.
Saturday, I wake up. I get about 3 hours of sleep. I'm basically dead. I try to hurry and get ready. I don't get directions to Eastern because I figure I can just call Monica on the way. I don't know where my phone is so I take my moms incase of an accident. When I get to my car I attempt to call my phone, no answer, it calls me back, it's Laura. I go to her house and get it. I've already left late, then realize I must get gas. Now, since I have OCD, I always go to Meijer to get my gas. This is bad, Meijer is about 25 mins out of my way. I go anyways. I get on the highway towards Eastern when I figure I should call Monica just to make sure she is up and getting ready. I call her phone, I get that voice you love to hear saying "This phone is no long in service, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." Shit. So, I call Matt, he tells me to try Mitchel. I'm on US-23 and the traffic is starting to get bad, along with the fact that the weathers doing this weird sort of rain-snow thing. Matt's giving me the phone number and I'm entering it into my Mom's phone while attempting to drive with my elbows, and everyone slamming on there breaks. I call the number I enter in the phone. Someone pick up. Now, I know Mitchel's sort of weird so I dunno what to expect. I ask the person who answers if hes with Monica, they tell me they're not. I ask him if he knows where she is. He tells me he doesn't know. I tell him to stop kidding around with me. I whine to him some that I don't know where the hell I'm going and that I'm going to kill myself. He asks me where I am. I tell him I don't know. I ask him where he is. He tells me hes on a turn-pike in his semi? I decide it's not Mitchel. I hang up and call Matt again. I dailed the wrong number. I'm glad I just told a truck I was going to kill myself. He probably thought I was insane. While driving I decided to get off at N. Territorial and take a different way since 23 was so bad. While driving I'm so concerned with getting ahold of Monica I pass the road I need to turn on. It takes me awhile but I finally get to Yspi. However, I have to clue where I'm going. I'm by Washtenaw. I drive around in all sorts of directions for awhile. I have no clue where to go. I get really upset a few times. After about an hour of driving around the Ypsi-Ann Arbor area I call Matt. He tells me to ask someone. I don't want to because I'm weird like that. About 2 secs after I get off the phone with him I find it. I decided just to park and walk around instead of trying to drive by her dorm. I don't know where I'm going again. I decided to ask someone this time. She's a nice girl and walks me to where Monica's dorm is. The stairs to her room are locked. So, I go to the front desk to get her room number. I call it, no answer. I call Matt and tell her she's not there. He says maybe shes asleep. So, I stalk some kid up to her room. Knock a few thousand times, then leave. I call Matt to tell him shes not in her room. He says to look for her a little bit more. I've already called Mitchel 230940293409 times, but I continue to call. I start leaving him whiny voicemails. I leave him one from Nigel Thornberry. He finally answers. I talked to Monica. She tells me she forgot and she's not coming. I get super upset. I've spent about hour wondering around attempting to find her on top of just finding Eastern. How could she forget? We've had it planned for at least two weeks and I know Dereks reminded her because he like reminded me everyday. SDLKFSD. So, I'm crying by now. I go to my car. Wait, no I don't. I can't fucking find my car. It was wonderful. I finally find it. Call Matt. By now I was already supposed to be at Albion. He tells me I should still come. I don't know how to get to 94 from Eastern sdkfjsdkfjsdkjf. Death. I figure it out. Get to Albion around 2:30, Dereks marching half-time. At least I got to see him a little. I talked to Alexa a little. After the game I go see Derek's dorm. It's super cute and I like it a lot. It's about 4 now and I have to leave to go back to Brighton to get Colleen and go to the Dashboard/Brand New concert. I get to her house and we leave. The concerts at EASTERN, yessss. I know how to get there this time though, so it's okay. We're in the parking lot, getting ready to park when Colleen goes..."SHIT! I forgot the tickets!" Okay, sweet, kill me, now. Her dad meets us with the tickets at N. Territorial. Doors were supposed to open at 6:30. We get there at 7:30. There's still a huge line of people we figure this is good. We figure Brand New wouldn't start playing with half the people outside. The line slowly moves, and we get near the door, you can hear Brand New playing. I seriously am ready to kill. Brand New cancelled there last show I was supposed to go to, now I'm missing them. You can tell they're playing old good songs to. The ones I'm dying to hear. We get in, and it's retarded. Theres like no place for main floor ticket people to go. We find it, we have to stand in this huge line to get wristbands and shit. Brand New starts playing there new songs while we're standing there waiting. I decided this is good. They can play there good songs now while I'm not down there, so when I am, they'll play old ones. We finally get down there. They play 4 new songs, then they play 1 old song and they're done. Death, death, death. We stand around for a good 45 mins before Dashboard plays. It was pretty good. I was pretty much in just a horrible mood because I mean that day was just so amazingly bad.
I don't know how I feel about anything or anyone lately. I noticed that I'm really good at forgiving people. Even after they have done horrible things to me. I've noticed lately that there's been people who I've had a falling out with, then I become close to them again, then they some how hurt me again. [Often much for the same reasons they did the first time] I'm starting to think I shouldn't trust people as easily as I do. I have a tendency to just let people swoop in and out of my life as they feel need be. I tell these people a lot about me, I share things with them that are more important to me then they can apparently understand: songs, movies, books, places, the list goes on and on.
Tonight is Halloween. I didn't know what to do. Every year of my life I've gone to my grandmas, even when I had some where else to go I still made it a point to stop by there. [Even if it is an hour away] She hadn't mentioned it to me, and I figure it's because our family basically hate each other now. [That's a whole different story] So, I called her up. I drove there listening to The Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack. I drove through Plymouth, saw some kids. I drove by some little store and they were having a bonfire in the parking lot. Everything was really cute. I got to my grandma's around 6:30. I took my cousin trick-or-treating. When I was little and I went trick-or-treating the streets there would be filled with people. This year I hardly passed one other group on every block we went. It was strange. My cousin didn't want to go very long. I though that was odd. When I was little I stayed out until all the lights were out. We went back to my grandmas. I passed out some candy and talked to my family. I hate how the only thing they seem to be able to talk about is school. My grandmas neighborhood is really cute. All my life I've known my grandma to have a sort of little tripod of friends: Her, Germain, and Betty. Germain is from France. I can remember playing yahtzee with her as a little kid. I like her a lot. I found out recently that she is ill. She's staying out here and I sort of want to go visit her. Anyways, my cousin, aunt, and uncle left. I stayed with my grandmas and aunt for awhile since I hardly ever see them. We talked about the usual things: School, my mom, Jason. Then we got into other things. They told me stories about them and various members of my family when they were drunk. It was sort of funny. I enjoyed it that they talked to me about things other than what they seemed programmed to. I left, on my way home Holly called. It was nice.
Even though I have these people I don't know if I can trust. I know there's some out there I can. I thank God everyday for these people. They're amazing. I hate the fact that often they're the people I see the least. I have some of the most fantastic friends in the world. Sometimes it makes me happy just knowing that some where in the world theres a person with a good heart, even if I don't know them. Someday I hope I meet them though. Good hearted people are hella rad.
I feel like things are weird or something. Like I missed something big or something to that aspect. Perhaps it's just the fact that I'm basically letting my life waste away before my very own eyes.
Last week...was rather...kfjskjasdkd.
Thursday, I got to see Holly. We wondered around Target, rented Silence of the Lambs, and attempted to make puppy chow. We talked for awhile and it was nice. I like talking to people, but I feel like I open up to them too easily sometimes [not that I shouldn't talk to Holly] In the morning we made chocolate chip pancakes, what else is new. Ahahaha. It was a pleasant night/morning.
Friday, I went with Jessica to get pumpkins at this cute little place. Golly it was adorable. We went to Laura's and we all carved pumpkins. Tim came over, we all dressed up. We decided to go to Charlie's Halloween party. Laura put like 28394823984 lbs. of hair spray in my hair. When we leave Laura and I are the only ones dressed up anymore. We basically look like crack whores. We drive there, the four of us in my tiny car. We listen to music to pump us up for the awkward moments ahead. We arrive, no ones there. We sit in our car a bit contemplating on what to do. We walk up to the door and look at each other. There's no one in the basement. By this time I feel really weird that I just randomly sort of walked into someones house. We decided to leave. Then Chuck comes, we stand around, then go to his room. He shows us his gizmos, which were quite neat. We listen to records. He shows us his ties, he models. I attempt to stand on my head and almost take out his computer. We watch a break dancing DVD. We decided to go to Denny's. Putting 5 people in my car is rather cozy, but no one seems to say much. My drivings horrible. I realized I can't really see I night or anytime really. I squint a lot. So, I drive bad, and Chuck is next to me attempting to give me directions. I yell at him a few times, but not really. I feel weird calling him Chuck, then again I feel weird calling him Charlie. I don't know what to call him. Anyways we go to Denny's. I think most of the time I forgot I looked sort of weird. I'm not one to care though. I generally am good at drawing attention to myself no matter how I'm dressed. Tim and I are immature, causing some awkward moments. We leave. I keep my car at a rather high heat level. This makes some people agree. I like to feel toasty. We drop him off, drive home. People like to complain about the music. I hate it when people do this. If you can't think of what to listen to then shut up when someone else picks it or fucking drive yourself. I'm so sick of driving. I wish I could walk everywhere or shoot people in the face or something.
Saturday, I wake up. I get about 3 hours of sleep. I'm basically dead. I try to hurry and get ready. I don't get directions to Eastern because I figure I can just call Monica on the way. I don't know where my phone is so I take my moms incase of an accident. When I get to my car I attempt to call my phone, no answer, it calls me back, it's Laura. I go to her house and get it. I've already left late, then realize I must get gas. Now, since I have OCD, I always go to Meijer to get my gas. This is bad, Meijer is about 25 mins out of my way. I go anyways. I get on the highway towards Eastern when I figure I should call Monica just to make sure she is up and getting ready. I call her phone, I get that voice you love to hear saying "This phone is no long in service, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." Shit. So, I call Matt, he tells me to try Mitchel. I'm on US-23 and the traffic is starting to get bad, along with the fact that the weathers doing this weird sort of rain-snow thing. Matt's giving me the phone number and I'm entering it into my Mom's phone while attempting to drive with my elbows, and everyone slamming on there breaks. I call the number I enter in the phone. Someone pick up. Now, I know Mitchel's sort of weird so I dunno what to expect. I ask the person who answers if hes with Monica, they tell me they're not. I ask him if he knows where she is. He tells me he doesn't know. I tell him to stop kidding around with me. I whine to him some that I don't know where the hell I'm going and that I'm going to kill myself. He asks me where I am. I tell him I don't know. I ask him where he is. He tells me hes on a turn-pike in his semi? I decide it's not Mitchel. I hang up and call Matt again. I dailed the wrong number. I'm glad I just told a truck I was going to kill myself. He probably thought I was insane. While driving I decided to get off at N. Territorial and take a different way since 23 was so bad. While driving I'm so concerned with getting ahold of Monica I pass the road I need to turn on. It takes me awhile but I finally get to Yspi. However, I have to clue where I'm going. I'm by Washtenaw. I drive around in all sorts of directions for awhile. I have no clue where to go. I get really upset a few times. After about an hour of driving around the Ypsi-Ann Arbor area I call Matt. He tells me to ask someone. I don't want to because I'm weird like that. About 2 secs after I get off the phone with him I find it. I decided just to park and walk around instead of trying to drive by her dorm. I don't know where I'm going again. I decided to ask someone this time. She's a nice girl and walks me to where Monica's dorm is. The stairs to her room are locked. So, I go to the front desk to get her room number. I call it, no answer. I call Matt and tell her she's not there. He says maybe shes asleep. So, I stalk some kid up to her room. Knock a few thousand times, then leave. I call Matt to tell him shes not in her room. He says to look for her a little bit more. I've already called Mitchel 230940293409 times, but I continue to call. I start leaving him whiny voicemails. I leave him one from Nigel Thornberry. He finally answers. I talked to Monica. She tells me she forgot and she's not coming. I get super upset. I've spent about hour wondering around attempting to find her on top of just finding Eastern. How could she forget? We've had it planned for at least two weeks and I know Dereks reminded her because he like reminded me everyday. SDLKFSD. So, I'm crying by now. I go to my car. Wait, no I don't. I can't fucking find my car. It was wonderful. I finally find it. Call Matt. By now I was already supposed to be at Albion. He tells me I should still come. I don't know how to get to 94 from Eastern sdkfjsdkfjsdkjf. Death. I figure it out. Get to Albion around 2:30, Dereks marching half-time. At least I got to see him a little. I talked to Alexa a little. After the game I go see Derek's dorm. It's super cute and I like it a lot. It's about 4 now and I have to leave to go back to Brighton to get Colleen and go to the Dashboard/Brand New concert. I get to her house and we leave. The concerts at EASTERN, yessss. I know how to get there this time though, so it's okay. We're in the parking lot, getting ready to park when Colleen goes..."SHIT! I forgot the tickets!" Okay, sweet, kill me, now. Her dad meets us with the tickets at N. Territorial. Doors were supposed to open at 6:30. We get there at 7:30. There's still a huge line of people we figure this is good. We figure Brand New wouldn't start playing with half the people outside. The line slowly moves, and we get near the door, you can hear Brand New playing. I seriously am ready to kill. Brand New cancelled there last show I was supposed to go to, now I'm missing them. You can tell they're playing old good songs to. The ones I'm dying to hear. We get in, and it's retarded. Theres like no place for main floor ticket people to go. We find it, we have to stand in this huge line to get wristbands and shit. Brand New starts playing there new songs while we're standing there waiting. I decided this is good. They can play there good songs now while I'm not down there, so when I am, they'll play old ones. We finally get down there. They play 4 new songs, then they play 1 old song and they're done. Death, death, death. We stand around for a good 45 mins before Dashboard plays. It was pretty good. I was pretty much in just a horrible mood because I mean that day was just so amazingly bad.
I don't know how I feel about anything or anyone lately. I noticed that I'm really good at forgiving people. Even after they have done horrible things to me. I've noticed lately that there's been people who I've had a falling out with, then I become close to them again, then they some how hurt me again. [Often much for the same reasons they did the first time] I'm starting to think I shouldn't trust people as easily as I do. I have a tendency to just let people swoop in and out of my life as they feel need be. I tell these people a lot about me, I share things with them that are more important to me then they can apparently understand: songs, movies, books, places, the list goes on and on.
Tonight is Halloween. I didn't know what to do. Every year of my life I've gone to my grandmas, even when I had some where else to go I still made it a point to stop by there. [Even if it is an hour away] She hadn't mentioned it to me, and I figure it's because our family basically hate each other now. [That's a whole different story] So, I called her up. I drove there listening to The Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack. I drove through Plymouth, saw some kids. I drove by some little store and they were having a bonfire in the parking lot. Everything was really cute. I got to my grandma's around 6:30. I took my cousin trick-or-treating. When I was little and I went trick-or-treating the streets there would be filled with people. This year I hardly passed one other group on every block we went. It was strange. My cousin didn't want to go very long. I though that was odd. When I was little I stayed out until all the lights were out. We went back to my grandmas. I passed out some candy and talked to my family. I hate how the only thing they seem to be able to talk about is school. My grandmas neighborhood is really cute. All my life I've known my grandma to have a sort of little tripod of friends: Her, Germain, and Betty. Germain is from France. I can remember playing yahtzee with her as a little kid. I like her a lot. I found out recently that she is ill. She's staying out here and I sort of want to go visit her. Anyways, my cousin, aunt, and uncle left. I stayed with my grandmas and aunt for awhile since I hardly ever see them. We talked about the usual things: School, my mom, Jason. Then we got into other things. They told me stories about them and various members of my family when they were drunk. It was sort of funny. I enjoyed it that they talked to me about things other than what they seemed programmed to. I left, on my way home Holly called. It was nice.
Even though I have these people I don't know if I can trust. I know there's some out there I can. I thank God everyday for these people. They're amazing. I hate the fact that often they're the people I see the least. I have some of the most fantastic friends in the world. Sometimes it makes me happy just knowing that some where in the world theres a person with a good heart, even if I don't know them. Someday I hope I meet them though. Good hearted people are hella rad.