In Want of a Wife [part 4]
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Chapter Four: "We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture." Robin Williams
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Tino was sitting on his bed, watching Feliks trounce around their dorm room in his underwear belting out Lady Gaga songs and searching for clothes. Tino rolled his eyes. Hanatamago was sitting snuggly on his lap, and Tino couldn't help but stroke the soft fur with his thumb as he watched the impromptu performance. Feliks was obviously dedicated to finding the perfect outfit, and he didn't give a shit how many songs he had to sing to find it.
Tino was surprised to see he had settled on dark blue skinny jeans. Okay. Maybe not the fact they were skinny jeans, but Tino knew for a fact (as in, he'd seen) pink pleather pants in Feliks' wardrobe. As well as some pretty scary looking high-heeled shoes. Why would Feliks settle for simple skinny jeans?
It was their first official "university" party. Tino knew Feliks was excited. The blonde had babbled about it continuously during dinner, making sure everyone at the table knew. Mikkel seemed the most enthusiastic, Tino noted, especially after Feliks mentioned alcohol.
"Here it is!" Feliks squealed, pulling a plain white v-neck shirt from the bottom of his dresser. "I knew this was in here. Accessories now!" He chirped, tossing the shirt onto the skinny jeans.
Tino blinked. A white shirt? No pink, really?
"Feliks…"
"BORN TO SURVIVVVE!"
"Feliks."
"…BLACK WHITE OR BEIGE…!"
"FELIKS!"
"What? You don't have to yell!"
Tino huffed. "You weren't listening."
"Can't you see I'm totally in the middle of a design? This is very important!"
"I was just wondering why there isn't any pink." Tino gestured to the pile of clothes, now including a blue bandanna and a few bracelets.
"Do you want there to be pink?" Feliks replied, facing his roommate and examining his (freshly painted pink!) nails.
"It's your favorite color. I just thought you'd be wearing it…"
Feliks burst into laughter. "Oh, honey. You're precious."
Tino's brow furrowed. "What-"
"None of this is for me."
"Wait, what-"
Feliks grinned cheekily. "You don't think I'd let you wear just anything, did you? It's like your first date with Berwaldo! You have to look fetch!"
"Fetch?"
"You know," Feliks twirled his wrist, searching for the right adjective. "Like, fetch."
"Woof-woof, like a stick?" Tino held up Hanatamago, confused.
"No! Culture is obviously lost on the likes of you." Feliks huffed, turning back to his clothes. "Now strip."
"What?"
"Strip."
"Why? Why can't I just-"
"I WANT TO SEE YOUR BODY!"
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Meanwhile, at this very moment, Heracles was leaving room 312 to take his cats downstairs to let them poop outside.
As he closed the door to his dorm, he heard a shriek.
"STOP IT!"
Heracles blinked. What is going on…?
"TAKE THEM OFF DAMMIT."
"NO! LET GO OF ME!"
"I WANT TO SEE YOU NAKED!"
"NO!"
"RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT!"
"NO! STOP! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY CLOTHES!"
"YOUR PANTS ARE TOO BAGGY! HOW WILL BERWALD SEE YOUR PERT HOT ASS?"
"I DON'T CARE IF HE SEES MY-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"
"YOU CAN'T WEAR NORMAL UNDERWEAR WITH THESE-TOO TIGHT. YOU NEED A THONG!"
"LIKE FUCK I'M WEARING A FUCKING THONG!"
Heracles blinked again, eyeing room 311 wearily.
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Unsurprisingly, Feliks won the clothes war. Tino begrudgingly changed into his party outfit. Tino was surprised that the pants were a lot more comfortable than he thought. The t-shirt wasn't too bad, either.
"See? Not too hard." Feliks admired Tino's reflection. "My pants make your ass look fantastic! Look at that tushy!"
Tino glowered at his image. "I don't like the scarf."
"Bandana, love."
"What the fuck. Bandana then. I look like a hipster."
"Of course you do. Scarves are too mainstream, so I chose a bandana."
"I don't like it." Tino pulled at the blue material uncomfortably.
"Fine. Bandanas aren't for everyone." Feliks untied it and tossed it to the side. "Better?"
"And the bracelets? Are they mainstream? Can they go?"
"No! They're cute and sparkly." Feliks cooed. "I like cute and sparkly."
"I don't."
"Aww, but Tino…!" Feliks whined. "The glitteriness will match our body glitter!"
"…what?"
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Heracles was now returning from his cat bathroom break.
He approached his door with a small smile on his face because he'd found a new cat outside. He just adopted them like that. The school let him live alone so he could take car of his cats.
As he dug around in his pocket for his room key, he heard another shriek.
"PUT IT ON!"
"NO! FUCK NO!"
"WHY NOT? IT'S CUTE!"
"NO."
"PUT IT OOOON!"
"NOOOO!"
"IT MAKES YOUR CHEST LOOK ATTRACTIVE!"
"NO!"
"ANDANDAND YOU CAN USE IT AS LUBRICA-"
"FUCKING HELL IS NOTHING SACRED TO YOU?"
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH SPARKLY LUBE?"
"EVERYTHING!"
"I BET BERWALDO WOULD LIKE SPARKLY LUBE-"
"STOP WITH THE LUBE! JUST FUCKING STOP!"
"YOU DO USE IT FOR FUCKING!"
"AHHHH! JUST STOP. PLEASE STOP!"
Heracles nodded his head in approval.
Lube made for some good fucking.
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"There. Nice and sparkly." Feliks clasped his hands together and did a small spin of joy. "You are precious. I like what I did with your face!"
"You said just glitter…!"
"Well, I couldn't just stop at glitter!"
Tino sighed wearily.
"Feliks."
"Yes?"
"Thanks for letting me wear your clothes." Tino had to admit he looked cute.
"You're most welcome! I totally enjoyed picking them out. It's like my thing."
"Don't you need to get yourself ready?"
Feliks grinned. "I know what I'm wearing. I picked it out before I left home!"
"Really?"
"Yep!" Feliks whipped out the pink pleather pants. "These are my newly-purchased-get-my-man pants!" He boasted proudly. "They make my ass look like a god."
Tino watched Feliks jiggle his ass in his news pants. Tino had never seen pants so tight. The fabric was literally a second skin.
"See why thongs are totally a must? Panty lines are like the biggest no-no."
Tino grunted. "Feels like a perpetual wedgie."
"Oh, tosh. You'll get used to it."
"I sure hope the fuck not."
Feliks put on a different, thinner white t-shirt and a pair of pink stilettos. Tino watched him apply makeup, slightly curious.
"You're really going all out, huh?"
"Yeah." Feliks said. "This is like, really important. Really really really important."
"Getting your man?" Tino teased.
"You have no idea." Feliks replied, somewhat seriously. Tino was taken aback.
"He means that much to you?" Tino said softly.
Feliks nodded, eyes watering a bit. "Shit, shit. Gonna ruin my eyes if I cry. Tell me what Berwaldo gave you today. Distract me! I worked too hard on this!"
"A rose. He made it for me."
"Oh, really? So romantic!"
Tino walked over to where he'd placed the piece after dinner. Feliks gasped. "Omigod!"
"I know." Tino admired it, turning the rose in his hands. "He spent all morning on it."
"D'aww. Berwald is such a big teddy bear." Feliks replied. "I think I want my hair up."
"Ponytail?" Tino asked.
"Definitely." Feliks grabbed a pink elastic and twirled his hair into a short ponytail. Then he clipped up the loose strands and finished with a light stream of hairspray. "How do I look?" Feliks twirled around and posed for Tino.
Tino smiled. "Cute!"
Feliks nodded, satisfied. "I hope it's enough."
Tino grabbed his hand and squeezed gently. "Toris, right?"
Feliks blushed. "Am I that obvious?"
"No, but I can't imagine you being this serious about anyone else. How long have you known him?"
"Years." Feliks laughed. "Years and years and years. His family and my family have been friends for generations."
Tino nodded, trying to get Feliks to continue because he was nosy.
"In case you didn't know, I'm gay." Feliks said blatantly.
Tino couldn't stop his chuckle. "I sort of figured."
"I've known for a long time. I always liked dolls and dress-up more than football and other 'masculine' pastimes." Feliks paused. "My parents didn't care. At all. Neither did Toris. He didn't mind playing dolls with me or letting me dress him up even if the other kids laughed at us."
"Nice."
"Toris is so kind." Feliks continued. "Totally the nicest person like, ever. And then middle school came. I was totally into boys, you know? So I had boyfriends. Tons of them throughout school. Toris had a few girlfriends back at his school in Lithuania.
"And then one day in high school we just kissed." Feliks said, touching his fingertips to his lips. "I don't know, it was like a fairytale. Like magic. Like everything they tell you true love's first kiss should be! I mean, Liet is my best friend. It would be like amazing to be with him, you know? But he was just experimenting."
Feliks sighed softly, interlocking his fingers and staring at his hands. "He apologized and said he wasn't interested in any boys. That it wasn't me, but my gender."
"But it was too late, wasn't it?" Tino said.
"Oh yeah. I was totally head over heels as soon as he kissed me. Still am. He has like no idea though." Feliks replied a bit sadly. "But…I know he's been looking, you know? This summer, he was visiting and I walked out of the shower in just a towel and he blushed. He apologized for walking in, the sweetheart, but totally couldn't keep his eyes off me!" Feliks said with a smile. "So I'm hoping that maybe I can put the moves on him tonight. A bit. To test the water."
Tino smiled. "I wish you luck."
Feliks grinned. "I just have to get totally wasted first so that I don't get nervous and chicken out."
Tino laughed. "That's a much better strategy!"
(Part Three)
(Part Five)