(no subject)
How painfully I wish I would have dreamt different dreams last night... I don't know what brought them on, but something in my mind manifested these torturous short films. Hearing you say the word Heroin and it referring to you was too much to bear. Hearing you had ran away was too much...I remember in my dream wishing only to wake up, standing under an empty sky and shaking myself around violently to awaken. I did wake up, but with a hole in my heart and stomach, sweat falling and breath lost.
Hearing your voice does nothing to me anymore. I absolutely feel nothing but a quiet calm, and a desire to crawl inside of your head and make you understand how much you threw away with meaningless lies and neglect. How madly and deeply I loved you...giving you the depths of me that knew no name, and held no price. The tears I wept, the time I spent thinking of how to make you feel like a god complete with sacrifices, the nights I spent manifesting my immense love and emotion for you into physical pleasure I only gave to you, the color I added to canvas to give you even more insight into what I felt...all gone. I do not feel it was wasted, but never again could I give those gifts to you. Even in fairytales it is equal.
I'm sure I sound rediculous, giving a title to the things I did for you and gave you. There's no hopeless romantic in me, but rather a romantic who gives what someone puts into my heart. I will never love anyone who takes it for granted. When I love someone, I show them the real meaning of love. The real beauty and romance that life has to offer...I take them to places they have never been. I live for my emotion, and I am reactionary to them. I am a true artist. Whoever I give my love to again will not treat me as you did and not appreciate that.
So I'll go to fill my lungs with smoke and recieve tipsy affirmations of adoration for me tonight. I'm used to it by now, but I don't do it back. I only give to those that truley deserve. I'll dance and come home to my bed with my books and dreams. Do not think I remember you when I come home.
Hearing your voice does nothing to me anymore. I absolutely feel nothing but a quiet calm, and a desire to crawl inside of your head and make you understand how much you threw away with meaningless lies and neglect. How madly and deeply I loved you...giving you the depths of me that knew no name, and held no price. The tears I wept, the time I spent thinking of how to make you feel like a god complete with sacrifices, the nights I spent manifesting my immense love and emotion for you into physical pleasure I only gave to you, the color I added to canvas to give you even more insight into what I felt...all gone. I do not feel it was wasted, but never again could I give those gifts to you. Even in fairytales it is equal.
I'm sure I sound rediculous, giving a title to the things I did for you and gave you. There's no hopeless romantic in me, but rather a romantic who gives what someone puts into my heart. I will never love anyone who takes it for granted. When I love someone, I show them the real meaning of love. The real beauty and romance that life has to offer...I take them to places they have never been. I live for my emotion, and I am reactionary to them. I am a true artist. Whoever I give my love to again will not treat me as you did and not appreciate that.
So I'll go to fill my lungs with smoke and recieve tipsy affirmations of adoration for me tonight. I'm used to it by now, but I don't do it back. I only give to those that truley deserve. I'll dance and come home to my bed with my books and dreams. Do not think I remember you when I come home.