Remembrance
Word travels slowly here in the desert, but I couldn't help but hear of Ronald Reagan's death. This was a man who truly lived a life, a life that few people could have the courage and personality to lead. It is kind of strange because I have distanced myself so much from the life that I lead on Pennsylvania Avenue in the 80's. As much as I would like to say that he was a father to me, he was always much too busy fighting some sort of cold war (i guess it was in the arctic), and i was always much too busy with...well, his daughter. But ever so often our paths would cross in the Oval Office, and the memories I have talking with him are good ones. I distinctly remember the one time when he was bitching about all the hippies whining about the "environment" and how the power plants were going to do something or other with the carbon this and the dioxide that and the world was going to become this big fucking greenhouse. It's like the power plants let all you goddamn hippies cook your tofu and watch your fucking "Growing Pains" and you're worried about some freaking trees. So I told him, BLAME IT ON THE FUCKIN TREES! THE TREES ARE CAUSING THE POLLUTION! SO WE HAVE TO CUT MORE AND MORE OF THEM DOWN TO BUILD MORE POWER PLANTS!!! You're the President, if you don't know what you're talking about, who does? And he says, "ya know gila baby, maybe YOU should be the president." Then there was the other time when he had a really big meeting that was going to determine the course of that cold war. ronald was probably the most candid and straightforward man i've known, but he was under alot of pressure to be "diplomatic" about things especially things involving nuclear warheads. ronald's nemesis was this weird dude with a red spot on his forehead, he told me that he wanted to shove a nuke straight up this dude's ass. So i told him that this might result in the weird dude's friends trying to stick nukes up his ass, but not if HIS friends were there to stick nukes up the weird dude's friends' asses first. I told him to fuck the diplomacy, tell the weird dude that he was going to shove a nuke straight up his bitch ass, his friends were ready to shove nukes straight up the weird dude's friends' bitch asses, and to tell him that I was ready to personally shove my venom up the weird dude's ass myself as an addendum to the radioactive material that would give him hemorrhoids the size of his mom. so the rest is history, as they say. soon after i lost touch with the man entirely. the reality is that the more time i spent in the desert the more hippie-like i became myself, and realized that the policies of Ronald were probably the policies of an asshole. But my memories of him make him the nicest, the most goddamn avuncular asshole that I've ever known. Reagan just didn't give a fuck, he was going to be an asshole while he shook your hand and offered you jelly beans. unlike the guys that followed who apparently are just assholes without the warm handshake or the splendid treats. so i'd like to give my props.