(no subject)
i just got off the phone with andrew and things didnt go so well. hes been acting all weird since like..friday and ive been continously asking him if hes ok cuz i know he isnt. so finally this morning he cracked. and im all, "is it erin?" **his ex gf called him and yeah...lets not go there.** hes all, "yeah.." "i knew it.." and hes all, "make her go away make her disappear!" im like, "i cant do that andrew im not god." and yeah...im all, "dude...you say erin cheated on you and stuff then at my bday party youre all fuckin flirting with jordan wennen..so hypocritical.." hes all, "dont make me feel worse than i already do." im like, "cant help it its the truth." and all that jazz. i cried. he cried. i think its safe to say we're in a fight.
I CANT TAKE ERIN OUT OF HIS MIND IM NOT GOD YOU KNOW. it makes me feel awful. im his gf and he doesnt even tell me this stuff. its like he cant talk to me. like i cant make him feel better. im his gf - im supposed to be able to make him feel better ya know?! i mean come on, wouldnt you feel bad too if this was happening to you?
i dont know what to do. how to feel. what to say. how to act.
..how to be a good gf.
i guess this means billy was right when he said that i know nothing of love..or being a girlfriend...
i do everything i can.
i say everything i can.
i love all i can.
i am all i can be as a gf.
and nothing.
nothing..
is good enough.
ever.
E-V-E-R.
i feel awful..horrible...lower than low..lower than dirt.
i feel as gloomy as the sky outside.
i
want
to
-slice-