Heavy.
This is going to come out all jumbled and incoherent and not well thought through, but...
every time I leave History of the Holocaust.... I can't stop thinking.
There are horrible things, happening everywhere, there were hundreds of years ago, there were 60 years ago, and today. Darfur. The Middle East. Mickael and I were watching a special news report, about some african country, torn about by war lords, where children, 3 year olds, women, are raped, 50% of them. If the wife is raped, her husband usually kicks her out. he doesnt want to get a diasese. People are doing horrible things to each other all the time. They aren't worrying about what to wear for the day, or what cd to buy, or what to watch on tv, or what classes to take. They are trying not to DIE. Or be tortured. They are trying to eat. Their living places aren't built well. Our lives are so radically different than theirs. I leave Hist of the Holocaust everyday, and wonder how I can exist, and lead such a shallow, easy life in comparison. I wonder how I can get through the day. Then, when I get home, I get online, and gradually I put it aside. I wonder what kind of ringtone I should pick for someone. I put off doing case briefs, to watch tv or a movie. How can I live with myself? and if I focus on this constantly, how CAN I live with myself? At what point do I allow myself to have a life, without feeling guilty? What can I do, short of leaving the united states, and moving somewhere, to do something? And at what point does that even accomplish something? People still are dying, being raped, murdered, families torn about. People starving. I feel like everytime I put it aside in my mind, I am a terrible, evil person. But everytime I spend time agonizing over it, i wonder how if this is ALL i can think about, how I could have any kind of life. Is it right for me to have a life, and live in America, and study, and debate politics and watch movies and go online? What can any of us do to REALLY help any problem? Donate money? That's not stopping 3 year olds from being raped in Africa every day. That's not stopping war lord's armies from shooting a mother in the back of the head for trying to save her child. We can't ever stop things like this can we?
If I don't stop thinking about this, I will go crazy. So I will stop typing now. Stop "caring". When I think about this again, I will feel the heaviest burden of guilt... a guilt of the soul. But I will do it again.
What is right? Do we have rights? What is the point of living when others are in pain and suffering, FOR REAL. I don't know what I'm asking. I can't live with myself.
Thoughts are appreciated.
every time I leave History of the Holocaust.... I can't stop thinking.
There are horrible things, happening everywhere, there were hundreds of years ago, there were 60 years ago, and today. Darfur. The Middle East. Mickael and I were watching a special news report, about some african country, torn about by war lords, where children, 3 year olds, women, are raped, 50% of them. If the wife is raped, her husband usually kicks her out. he doesnt want to get a diasese. People are doing horrible things to each other all the time. They aren't worrying about what to wear for the day, or what cd to buy, or what to watch on tv, or what classes to take. They are trying not to DIE. Or be tortured. They are trying to eat. Their living places aren't built well. Our lives are so radically different than theirs. I leave Hist of the Holocaust everyday, and wonder how I can exist, and lead such a shallow, easy life in comparison. I wonder how I can get through the day. Then, when I get home, I get online, and gradually I put it aside. I wonder what kind of ringtone I should pick for someone. I put off doing case briefs, to watch tv or a movie. How can I live with myself? and if I focus on this constantly, how CAN I live with myself? At what point do I allow myself to have a life, without feeling guilty? What can I do, short of leaving the united states, and moving somewhere, to do something? And at what point does that even accomplish something? People still are dying, being raped, murdered, families torn about. People starving. I feel like everytime I put it aside in my mind, I am a terrible, evil person. But everytime I spend time agonizing over it, i wonder how if this is ALL i can think about, how I could have any kind of life. Is it right for me to have a life, and live in America, and study, and debate politics and watch movies and go online? What can any of us do to REALLY help any problem? Donate money? That's not stopping 3 year olds from being raped in Africa every day. That's not stopping war lord's armies from shooting a mother in the back of the head for trying to save her child. We can't ever stop things like this can we?
If I don't stop thinking about this, I will go crazy. So I will stop typing now. Stop "caring". When I think about this again, I will feel the heaviest burden of guilt... a guilt of the soul. But I will do it again.
What is right? Do we have rights? What is the point of living when others are in pain and suffering, FOR REAL. I don't know what I'm asking. I can't live with myself.
Thoughts are appreciated.