why...
in the world can i not find someone perfect for me?
i thought i had...
but i think i screwed things up.
when i rewind on my relationships, i see that in 90% of them, i was offering everything i had, and even pushing to give some things i didn't, and the person was just taking... and taking... and taking.
i don't think there's been a single time in a relationship where i've been given more than i gave. and i don't need that. all i need is someone to at least attempt to meet me halfway.
i pissed off the most amazing guy i've ever met. he's so perfect for me. like, everything i ever wanted my man to be all rolled up into this phenomenal being... i never thought i'd meet someone who was like that... then i did. and now i've gone and screwed things up. hooray, cassandra, you're an idiot! things were going SO well and now he'll hardly even say ten words to me. i don't think i've ever wanted to cry so much for someone i truly haven't known for all that long of a while.
what kills me, is that i've got SO much i wanna do for someone. be a good girlfriend. the kind of girl where his friends are like "hey, your chick's pretty cool!"... but more importantly, the kind of girlfriend that my guy can think about and say... "wow, she really loves me. she'd do anything for me."
...because, given the right man, i would.
i hate how i can have pretty much any materialistic thing i want, but the thing i really want, i can't seem to get. all i want to do is fall completely, flat on my face, crazy in love with someone, only to find they've fallen into that same position with me. but i don't know if i'll ever get that, because it seems to me, i always fall alone... and i'm getting really tired of picking myself back up, just to fall again.
-cass-
i thought i had...
but i think i screwed things up.
when i rewind on my relationships, i see that in 90% of them, i was offering everything i had, and even pushing to give some things i didn't, and the person was just taking... and taking... and taking.
i don't think there's been a single time in a relationship where i've been given more than i gave. and i don't need that. all i need is someone to at least attempt to meet me halfway.
i pissed off the most amazing guy i've ever met. he's so perfect for me. like, everything i ever wanted my man to be all rolled up into this phenomenal being... i never thought i'd meet someone who was like that... then i did. and now i've gone and screwed things up. hooray, cassandra, you're an idiot! things were going SO well and now he'll hardly even say ten words to me. i don't think i've ever wanted to cry so much for someone i truly haven't known for all that long of a while.
what kills me, is that i've got SO much i wanna do for someone. be a good girlfriend. the kind of girl where his friends are like "hey, your chick's pretty cool!"... but more importantly, the kind of girlfriend that my guy can think about and say... "wow, she really loves me. she'd do anything for me."
...because, given the right man, i would.
i hate how i can have pretty much any materialistic thing i want, but the thing i really want, i can't seem to get. all i want to do is fall completely, flat on my face, crazy in love with someone, only to find they've fallen into that same position with me. but i don't know if i'll ever get that, because it seems to me, i always fall alone... and i'm getting really tired of picking myself back up, just to fall again.
-cass-