ahh
my life is like a freakin rollercoaster!!!I hate this its emotionally damaging me and i cant take it. i came home from school today cause i felt like i couldnt be in public and now i dont even want to leave my house?? what the hell is going on....... I HATE staying in one spot for an HOUR and now i dont wanna go anywhere? im so confused! I want to be with this guy jeremy but my friend says dont give your hopes up.... i want steven to come back so i could be with him but in the end i dont know if thats what i want...... I REALLY want a boyfriend but its kinda hard cause no one likes me.... Im still FUCKING inlove with chris and it hurts more than any pain ive ever expierenced... i dont understand why i cant be with him ive tried everything.. i want to give up so bad but something keeps telling no and its sending my head in spirals!! im so lost..... I at least have modeling but there still a huge part missing and thats chris... if i had him i would be complete i wouldnt ask god for anything else... i pray alot.. maybe not as much as i should but i pray for happiness cause its the key to life but i always get the opposite of what i pray for... i thought this was a bump in the rode cause i get those alot everyone does but my bumps dont usually last a month and a half especially when im talking to chris... i never have bumps in the rode when were "close" but hes not there for me anymore and i dont know what to do i cant do this on my own i need him more than anything. i feel i need his support for this modeling thing but i dont have it anymore....