May's First Batch Of Poems....
"Do you think it might be possible for guardian angels to take human form for each other, to be lovers every few lifetimes?"
~ Richard Bach, "The Bridge Across Forever"
I have lots to tell about my trip, but in interest of the privacy of "Ian" and I, I will keep it for Friends-Only post...Later tonight. Otherwise, you may be able to tell by some of this poetry posted today what happened, but I strongly urge SOME people not to read on, because...questions haven't been asked yet, and this would answer all of them. And the person I'm talking to knows what this means. So...stop reading now, ok?
xoxo
Lindsey
Billiards 05.04.04
It's funny -
The things you can do
With balls and a cue
And one pocket
No chalk necessary
On a billiards table
With no game in sight.
*******
Rain 05.04.04
Rain pellets our bodies;
Makes my hair into ringlets,
Shirt sticking to my chest,
Lashes fluttering open,
Then closed,
Wind blowing bumps on my skin,
But all I feel is you.
Lips ramming madly against mine,
Water dropping softly from your nose
To your tongue,
Sweet as nectar.
Warm body clenched in tension,
Fingers branding into my arm,
Pinning me strong to the wall.
Lightning flashes,
Illuminating grey-blue eyes,
So hot with lust,
Steaming with defiance.
Let's get you inside
And out of those wet clothes…
Wink.
*******
Fort Worth I 05.04.04
So close-
Maybe I could walk outside
This blue motel
And run into him.
Maybe at the gas station
Buying Marlboro Lights
He's that close -
But still he is not here.
Not in the chair
By the window,
That looks out into this night,
Twinkling with Texas stars -
Winking at me,
Teasing at me
‘He could be looking up here too.’
The silver horn of anticipation
Looms at me, two feet away
So close-
If it rings I will lose my breath.
If it rings I may cry.
I lie here in icy chill,
Awaiting my destiny -
For now.
*******
Fort Worth II 05.04.04
O, my love
You'll be the death of me.
Holding hands across oceans,
I'm always beside you in spirit
In some lives we come together,
In this life we must stay apart.
Does it comfort you to hold me?
Or make you forlorn all the more?
Yes, my dear,
In another place and time
You would have been mine.
For now I rest in your shadow,
And you lurk in my step.
Each night in dreams we laugh
And love the whole day through.
It’s in dreams our love survives…
Come by my waking life
Once in a while
All is chaos and pain,
Bittersweet moments of
Forsaken memories,
When we were younger
And responsibility never mattered much.
Now we are wiser and learned -
Esoteric love, you must keep at bay
The feelings our hearts reciprocate.
Be my lifelong friend,
Godfather to my bane.
Your name tattooed on my skin
Shall be the closest you ever come
To touching me deeply again.
Take comfort that some soul mates
Are never meant to be life partners
So we rest in fantasy,
And awaken in the sunny reality
God blessed us with,
Only to sleep to dream once more.
*******
Fort Worth III
So the song goes
‘I would do anything for love
But I wont do that
I wont do that...’
I can't hurt him.
I can't risk this love,
This trust and faith
He has stocked in me.
He has every reason
Not to believe me.
I have every reason
Not to believe myself.
But I wont do that....
He rescued me
From myself,
From the heartbreak
I can't help but inflict
To every unfortunate soul
Who dares to love me.
For the first time I am scared,
For the first time I am
Out of control.
Trepidation chills me
Like an ice cube down my shirt.
He loves me for me,
For my million faults,
For my sordid past,
For our evergreen future
No, I won't do that....
He needs me
And I need him.
When I close my eyes
And see him playing
With our children
I know-
I know this is true.
He awakened me -
I wondered before
If Neruda was a liar,
Now I know
That Chilean speaks to me
Like never before
So I wont do that.…
Old love,
Bright as it may still be -
The way he knows me
Like the back roads home,
Our souls are intertwined
For eternity, nothing less.
But he is not my future…
He will not marry me
In a ruined abbey in Eire,
Nor make with me three or four
Of God’s most beautiful children.
Nor will he whisk me away
To our cottage in Kerry,
Our palapa in Cabo,
Or let me write my dreams
Like a fool.
No, we wont do that....
He is my light.
I will not blow out
The flame we lit,
I will not destroy
Fifty years of future
For one night
With the past.
Yes, I would do anything for love,
But I wont do that.
*******
Fort Worth IV 05.04.04
My lips are red and worn
I don't want to wash
His smell off of me,
But I scrub hard.
I must wash away this night
And start clean in the morning.
We made love with words
But even that was enough -
He pressed my spine,
Moved my charkas,
Kissed me, stubbly-faced
Like it always used to be.
The same power surged through my veins,
The same hunger,
But this time,
When I felt myself teetering
Over the edge,
Ready to plunge headfirst,
I saw you behind him,
In the darkness, looming.
I saw our unborn children,
The love in your sky-colored eyes;
I snapped myself back.
When I whispered
My vows of eternal love to him,
All that once was
Was checked at the door.
He was, he is-
He always will be
But you are,
You are The One,
The last kiss I desire,
My last thought
Before I sleep,
First care upon awakening.
Yes -
The birds chirping outside
Tell me it's a new day…
Wake with me.
*******
Farewell 05.04.04
Now we say farewell
In the early light of morn
We stepped out of the circle
We built around us,
Where nothing matters
That isn't enclosed.
We gave a parting embrace,
As if our lives depended on it -
Our love depended on it.
A final kiss,
Or two, or three, or more.
And with that
You were out the door.
~ Richard Bach, "The Bridge Across Forever"
I have lots to tell about my trip, but in interest of the privacy of "Ian" and I, I will keep it for Friends-Only post...Later tonight. Otherwise, you may be able to tell by some of this poetry posted today what happened, but I strongly urge SOME people not to read on, because...questions haven't been asked yet, and this would answer all of them. And the person I'm talking to knows what this means. So...stop reading now, ok?
xoxo
Lindsey
Billiards 05.04.04
It's funny -
The things you can do
With balls and a cue
And one pocket
No chalk necessary
On a billiards table
With no game in sight.
*******
Rain 05.04.04
Rain pellets our bodies;
Makes my hair into ringlets,
Shirt sticking to my chest,
Lashes fluttering open,
Then closed,
Wind blowing bumps on my skin,
But all I feel is you.
Lips ramming madly against mine,
Water dropping softly from your nose
To your tongue,
Sweet as nectar.
Warm body clenched in tension,
Fingers branding into my arm,
Pinning me strong to the wall.
Lightning flashes,
Illuminating grey-blue eyes,
So hot with lust,
Steaming with defiance.
Let's get you inside
And out of those wet clothes…
Wink.
*******
Fort Worth I 05.04.04
So close-
Maybe I could walk outside
This blue motel
And run into him.
Maybe at the gas station
Buying Marlboro Lights
He's that close -
But still he is not here.
Not in the chair
By the window,
That looks out into this night,
Twinkling with Texas stars -
Winking at me,
Teasing at me
‘He could be looking up here too.’
The silver horn of anticipation
Looms at me, two feet away
So close-
If it rings I will lose my breath.
If it rings I may cry.
I lie here in icy chill,
Awaiting my destiny -
For now.
*******
Fort Worth II 05.04.04
O, my love
You'll be the death of me.
Holding hands across oceans,
I'm always beside you in spirit
In some lives we come together,
In this life we must stay apart.
Does it comfort you to hold me?
Or make you forlorn all the more?
Yes, my dear,
In another place and time
You would have been mine.
For now I rest in your shadow,
And you lurk in my step.
Each night in dreams we laugh
And love the whole day through.
It’s in dreams our love survives…
Come by my waking life
Once in a while
All is chaos and pain,
Bittersweet moments of
Forsaken memories,
When we were younger
And responsibility never mattered much.
Now we are wiser and learned -
Esoteric love, you must keep at bay
The feelings our hearts reciprocate.
Be my lifelong friend,
Godfather to my bane.
Your name tattooed on my skin
Shall be the closest you ever come
To touching me deeply again.
Take comfort that some soul mates
Are never meant to be life partners
So we rest in fantasy,
And awaken in the sunny reality
God blessed us with,
Only to sleep to dream once more.
*******
Fort Worth III
So the song goes
‘I would do anything for love
But I wont do that
I wont do that...’
I can't hurt him.
I can't risk this love,
This trust and faith
He has stocked in me.
He has every reason
Not to believe me.
I have every reason
Not to believe myself.
But I wont do that....
He rescued me
From myself,
From the heartbreak
I can't help but inflict
To every unfortunate soul
Who dares to love me.
For the first time I am scared,
For the first time I am
Out of control.
Trepidation chills me
Like an ice cube down my shirt.
He loves me for me,
For my million faults,
For my sordid past,
For our evergreen future
No, I won't do that....
He needs me
And I need him.
When I close my eyes
And see him playing
With our children
I know-
I know this is true.
He awakened me -
I wondered before
If Neruda was a liar,
Now I know
That Chilean speaks to me
Like never before
So I wont do that.…
Old love,
Bright as it may still be -
The way he knows me
Like the back roads home,
Our souls are intertwined
For eternity, nothing less.
But he is not my future…
He will not marry me
In a ruined abbey in Eire,
Nor make with me three or four
Of God’s most beautiful children.
Nor will he whisk me away
To our cottage in Kerry,
Our palapa in Cabo,
Or let me write my dreams
Like a fool.
No, we wont do that....
He is my light.
I will not blow out
The flame we lit,
I will not destroy
Fifty years of future
For one night
With the past.
Yes, I would do anything for love,
But I wont do that.
*******
Fort Worth IV 05.04.04
My lips are red and worn
I don't want to wash
His smell off of me,
But I scrub hard.
I must wash away this night
And start clean in the morning.
We made love with words
But even that was enough -
He pressed my spine,
Moved my charkas,
Kissed me, stubbly-faced
Like it always used to be.
The same power surged through my veins,
The same hunger,
But this time,
When I felt myself teetering
Over the edge,
Ready to plunge headfirst,
I saw you behind him,
In the darkness, looming.
I saw our unborn children,
The love in your sky-colored eyes;
I snapped myself back.
When I whispered
My vows of eternal love to him,
All that once was
Was checked at the door.
He was, he is-
He always will be
But you are,
You are The One,
The last kiss I desire,
My last thought
Before I sleep,
First care upon awakening.
Yes -
The birds chirping outside
Tell me it's a new day…
Wake with me.
*******
Farewell 05.04.04
Now we say farewell
In the early light of morn
We stepped out of the circle
We built around us,
Where nothing matters
That isn't enclosed.
We gave a parting embrace,
As if our lives depended on it -
Our love depended on it.
A final kiss,
Or two, or three, or more.
And with that
You were out the door.