you left my heart as empty..as a monday morning church..
nothing seems to matter right now. well. one thing does. and it's became so over powering in..importance that everything else at the moment has faded into nothingness.
in short; i left school right when it ended today after quick rescheduling my central detention to a bogus date and letting andrew know i couldnt go to practice..today was wonderful at school. i was...so..happy and just..really excited all day. but i had been thinking about my grandma as the day started to end...and it worried me to be thinking so much about her. so i decided i was going to see her right then. because i was terrified for her and my heart filled with the thought of seeing her.
so i get to the hospital at like...3:00. with all intentions to stay for a good 2 hours or so..just with her. even if she was sleeping. i was just going to be near her. she was awake when i got there. and complainging about wanting to walk. and then wouldnt let her. and hearing her...beg them..killed me..so i told her hello and explained that i just wanted to see her and told her i loved her and i started crying right there. but i had to clean it up because i didnt want to worry her. so after waiting 30 minutes for her stupid physical theropist to finally show up they started taking her stuff off so she could get up to walk and then she started getting really upset becasue the IV was hurting her..and..seeing her in pain..and..god..it killed me. so i couldnt hold it back. i hugged her and kissed her quickly and told her i had to go and then i went and sat out in my car for about 30 minutes and just cried.
its so..awakening. seeing her like this. i love my great grandma...so much. and we have always been really close. and it pains me now to see her like this. she..isnt doing well. she does look better than she did saturday. but..she still...just looking at her broke my heart.
im not ready for this to be the end for her. i need her to..stay with me. ive been praying. hard. and i really hope it works. because i need her. i wont let myself believe this is the beginning of the end as my grandma likes to put it. im not ready yet..
in short; i left school right when it ended today after quick rescheduling my central detention to a bogus date and letting andrew know i couldnt go to practice..today was wonderful at school. i was...so..happy and just..really excited all day. but i had been thinking about my grandma as the day started to end...and it worried me to be thinking so much about her. so i decided i was going to see her right then. because i was terrified for her and my heart filled with the thought of seeing her.
so i get to the hospital at like...3:00. with all intentions to stay for a good 2 hours or so..just with her. even if she was sleeping. i was just going to be near her. she was awake when i got there. and complainging about wanting to walk. and then wouldnt let her. and hearing her...beg them..killed me..so i told her hello and explained that i just wanted to see her and told her i loved her and i started crying right there. but i had to clean it up because i didnt want to worry her. so after waiting 30 minutes for her stupid physical theropist to finally show up they started taking her stuff off so she could get up to walk and then she started getting really upset becasue the IV was hurting her..and..seeing her in pain..and..god..it killed me. so i couldnt hold it back. i hugged her and kissed her quickly and told her i had to go and then i went and sat out in my car for about 30 minutes and just cried.
its so..awakening. seeing her like this. i love my great grandma...so much. and we have always been really close. and it pains me now to see her like this. she..isnt doing well. she does look better than she did saturday. but..she still...just looking at her broke my heart.
im not ready for this to be the end for her. i need her to..stay with me. ive been praying. hard. and i really hope it works. because i need her. i wont let myself believe this is the beginning of the end as my grandma likes to put it. im not ready yet..