Move Away
I just...
WANT THIS
to be
OVER.
My mother backed out...
Back in November she said that if there was no medical family tragedy she'd tell my grandfather and his wife that I'm trans etc... now it's February this week and she says no.
She says she hasn't even come out yet.
When did this become about her?
July in the grand scheme of my life, is just around the corner. Surgery... an end to something I needed to end years ago.
Now, it's putting pieces together of everything else... so if I have to send them a letter, I will. I need to take ownership of my shit, but I was looking for support from my mother, because maybe they wouldn't find me so damn weird.
My mother said some cold things...
This is all just crap, but I'll do it myself... apparently my grandfather can't drive up here from Jersey anymore, so if I wanna see him, I gotta go down there... and in that mix is cousins and aunts and uncles and extended everything...
Biggest year of my life, probably.
My extended family and my grandfather will get a letter
Because I don't wanna see their faces... I just don't... I've seen plenty already.
I can't figure out that if this is who we are... are we 100% responsible for telling everyone in our lives? Are we supposed to do it alone.
It's so damn lonely sometimes...
Path
This path isn't chosen... it just is... because I wouldn't dare choose to feel this way.
To risk death in surgery
To struggle
To be harassed
And while I wouldn't have wanted to be born biologically male and I wouldn't change anything
I still wouldn't choose it.
I'm better for it.
But when is enough enough?
When will it end?
Will I ever find a day where I wake up... and just feel like me
Not like I'm hiding from some thing or someone
My computer's back and better than ever now.
It smells like soap
Classes start tonight... my escape
July
April
I'll write everyone a letter
And I'll do this all alone
Alone... from the people who don't get it anyway...
I owe those 2 a big part of my happiness.
Big part.
Alone from family
But then Beck and Ry are blood, too.
School
Work.
Live.
Someday I'll just move away.
WANT THIS
to be
OVER.
My mother backed out...
Back in November she said that if there was no medical family tragedy she'd tell my grandfather and his wife that I'm trans etc... now it's February this week and she says no.
She says she hasn't even come out yet.
When did this become about her?
July in the grand scheme of my life, is just around the corner. Surgery... an end to something I needed to end years ago.
Now, it's putting pieces together of everything else... so if I have to send them a letter, I will. I need to take ownership of my shit, but I was looking for support from my mother, because maybe they wouldn't find me so damn weird.
My mother said some cold things...
This is all just crap, but I'll do it myself... apparently my grandfather can't drive up here from Jersey anymore, so if I wanna see him, I gotta go down there... and in that mix is cousins and aunts and uncles and extended everything...
Biggest year of my life, probably.
My extended family and my grandfather will get a letter
Because I don't wanna see their faces... I just don't... I've seen plenty already.
I can't figure out that if this is who we are... are we 100% responsible for telling everyone in our lives? Are we supposed to do it alone.
It's so damn lonely sometimes...
Path
This path isn't chosen... it just is... because I wouldn't dare choose to feel this way.
To risk death in surgery
To struggle
To be harassed
And while I wouldn't have wanted to be born biologically male and I wouldn't change anything
I still wouldn't choose it.
I'm better for it.
But when is enough enough?
When will it end?
Will I ever find a day where I wake up... and just feel like me
Not like I'm hiding from some thing or someone
My computer's back and better than ever now.
It smells like soap
Classes start tonight... my escape
July
April
I'll write everyone a letter
And I'll do this all alone
Alone... from the people who don't get it anyway...
I owe those 2 a big part of my happiness.
Big part.
Alone from family
But then Beck and Ry are blood, too.
School
Work.
Live.
Someday I'll just move away.