(no subject)
my parents have been telling me that I deserve to go to jail even if I do my community service, and it really makes me want to be a fugitive so bad. If I had mobility I would not mind running from the cops all my life one bit, especially the american cops. I'd go to Canada or a country that supports terrorism or things that would be a crime in america and I'd just hide out there. But then again, I don't wanna ruin everything here just because I got caught with 2 bucks worth of weed. All I know is lately my parents have really turned on me, like even when I do things right they don't agnowledge it, if I did something right there is always something wrong that I did to be found. I just fuck up on everything ya know? I can't seem to do ANYTHING 100% how I'm told. Last night for instance.... After I got home from Kristen'sI was asked to make dinner for when everyone got back from vacation, clean the house and make sure there's no cigerette butts around. So everythings done foods cooked house is cleaned but my sister goes up into her room and finds one of the cigerettes i picked up from around the house that i left in her room by accident, and the only reason i went into her room is cuz the cat got trapped in there and i wanted to give her her webcam back... but because of that one thing, I get flipped on..... no thank you for dinner, no thank you for cleaning the house 284u198741788948194814 times better than they ever do, nobody asks me how Kristen's was, nobody even cared that there was only enough food bought for the first 2 days out of 6 that they were gone and that I went 2 entire days only eating bread and butter.... but i wasn't even complaining about that, and I still have yet to sinse I should be able to have money for that stuff anyway....
What really ticks me off is getting yelled at for going into Tabitha's room.... the kitten would of definately died if it stayed trapped in there first of all.... and you would think people would understand.... but no, because I went into her room to free the cat, I'm not allowed to even be in the yard when my parents aren't here now.
and you could say 'oh well then let the kitten die next time and see what they say' but i could never let anything that shows me personality like that adorable kitten just die like that. That particular cat is almost like a person to me.
Went over to Kristen's yestarday, had fun, got my back massage haha i feel so bad cuz i made her give me like 90 minutes would of back massages yestarday.... but i loved every second of it *drool* i wish i was getting one of them right now! Her mom was being so nice to me too and that makes me happy cuz I always wanted to earn her mom's respect especially back when she like hated me. All in all going to Kristen's house was a good idea and I need to do it more often.
I'm feeling really uneasy about whats going to happen in the coming months.... I have certain scenarios that need to happen or I think I'm just gonna leave everyone and move across the country or something.
It's just what I NEED to happen.... if that doesn't happen here within a certain period of time then I'm going elsewhere to look. I swear to god lately I just am feelings so at a loss cuz if nothing goes right and I don't get anything that I need I'm not only going to be really fucking depressed for yet the 21st consecutive depressed winter in a row, but i'm just gonna have to leave all my friends. I can't do this anymore I can't be alone anymore I can't be stuck with no future and no job and nothing to do anymore.... i can't take being friends and hanging out with thousands of people and not one girl being right for me anymore, and i just can't take the drama that comes with most of those people anyway.
A person only has so much he or she can take, it's been a long long time sinse I've felt this desolate, and I don't know how much further I have to go before i flip. I already see myself as half-crazy, senile even. Everything is driving me insane. Even most of the partying I do is getting me fed up.... but what the fuck sense is there in changing anything, every time I change I just get knocked back, i wish just one person would hold my hand and support me through these changes and help me build a new backbone.....
I am a strong motherfucker for who I am, but when I am anything different I am weak
the problem is i need to be something different, or it's all gonna end, i'm gonna end
:(
||CoNE||
What really ticks me off is getting yelled at for going into Tabitha's room.... the kitten would of definately died if it stayed trapped in there first of all.... and you would think people would understand.... but no, because I went into her room to free the cat, I'm not allowed to even be in the yard when my parents aren't here now.
and you could say 'oh well then let the kitten die next time and see what they say' but i could never let anything that shows me personality like that adorable kitten just die like that. That particular cat is almost like a person to me.
Went over to Kristen's yestarday, had fun, got my back massage haha i feel so bad cuz i made her give me like 90 minutes would of back massages yestarday.... but i loved every second of it *drool* i wish i was getting one of them right now! Her mom was being so nice to me too and that makes me happy cuz I always wanted to earn her mom's respect especially back when she like hated me. All in all going to Kristen's house was a good idea and I need to do it more often.
I'm feeling really uneasy about whats going to happen in the coming months.... I have certain scenarios that need to happen or I think I'm just gonna leave everyone and move across the country or something.
It's just what I NEED to happen.... if that doesn't happen here within a certain period of time then I'm going elsewhere to look. I swear to god lately I just am feelings so at a loss cuz if nothing goes right and I don't get anything that I need I'm not only going to be really fucking depressed for yet the 21st consecutive depressed winter in a row, but i'm just gonna have to leave all my friends. I can't do this anymore I can't be alone anymore I can't be stuck with no future and no job and nothing to do anymore.... i can't take being friends and hanging out with thousands of people and not one girl being right for me anymore, and i just can't take the drama that comes with most of those people anyway.
A person only has so much he or she can take, it's been a long long time sinse I've felt this desolate, and I don't know how much further I have to go before i flip. I already see myself as half-crazy, senile even. Everything is driving me insane. Even most of the partying I do is getting me fed up.... but what the fuck sense is there in changing anything, every time I change I just get knocked back, i wish just one person would hold my hand and support me through these changes and help me build a new backbone.....
I am a strong motherfucker for who I am, but when I am anything different I am weak
the problem is i need to be something different, or it's all gonna end, i'm gonna end
:(
||CoNE||