Fly away from here...
its crazy that those who love you the most hurt you the most. My parents. My boyfriend.
I want my parents to be the people I want them to be. I keep thinking and hoping maybe one day they will change, I give them chance after chance to change, but nothing ever changes. I get so frustrated with myself, I keep saying "arica, why, why on earth do you think anything will change, they will always be the same"...it hurts so much.
My mom has become a smoker, the car reeks of cigarettes, I know its her decision, but she's got a family, its time to grow up and stop thinking of herself, maybe I wanna mom when I'm thirty.
My dad has suddenly become the man of nonstop disappointment to me. Always breaking promises, always saying things he doesn't really mean. In an arguement the other day I said "gosh, that sucks getting my hopes up high only to be shoot me down." and he said "thats life" and I said "no thats you." then I told him "I have a dad who doesnt know how to keep promises. thats my problem."
When does it stop? Do I have to wait forever for real parents? Well maybe I need them now.
As for the boyfriend. I'm stuck in a relationship I want too much out of. I love him, but I feel like I'll only end up hurt. Somedays I feel like it'll all be worth it one day, but then again maybe it won't. We constantly fight, it weakens me, I don't have the strength to fight anymore, its not because i dont love him, or I just want to give up, its because I just can't fight anymore.
I just want a best friend. I don't want the world to see me, because I know they won't understand...I just want you to know who I am.
I've grown to learn that normally when everything seems like its just about to hit rock bottom, he picks me up again. That's why I love him. And its just about that time of the year.
I want my parents to be the people I want them to be. I keep thinking and hoping maybe one day they will change, I give them chance after chance to change, but nothing ever changes. I get so frustrated with myself, I keep saying "arica, why, why on earth do you think anything will change, they will always be the same"...it hurts so much.
My mom has become a smoker, the car reeks of cigarettes, I know its her decision, but she's got a family, its time to grow up and stop thinking of herself, maybe I wanna mom when I'm thirty.
My dad has suddenly become the man of nonstop disappointment to me. Always breaking promises, always saying things he doesn't really mean. In an arguement the other day I said "gosh, that sucks getting my hopes up high only to be shoot me down." and he said "thats life" and I said "no thats you." then I told him "I have a dad who doesnt know how to keep promises. thats my problem."
When does it stop? Do I have to wait forever for real parents? Well maybe I need them now.
As for the boyfriend. I'm stuck in a relationship I want too much out of. I love him, but I feel like I'll only end up hurt. Somedays I feel like it'll all be worth it one day, but then again maybe it won't. We constantly fight, it weakens me, I don't have the strength to fight anymore, its not because i dont love him, or I just want to give up, its because I just can't fight anymore.
I just want a best friend. I don't want the world to see me, because I know they won't understand...I just want you to know who I am.
I've grown to learn that normally when everything seems like its just about to hit rock bottom, he picks me up again. That's why I love him. And its just about that time of the year.