~*Never Say Good-bye*~

[xfragilextearsx]

Well, I've had the longest week ever. Friday - My Grandpa M. shoots himself behind his garage. Saturday - He dies during surgery. Sunday - preparations for the funeral. Monday - his autopsy. Tuesday - Viewing at Sharp's funeral home on Miller Rd. in Swartz Creek. Wednesday - The funeral, my cousin Sam spends the night, Julian's 17th birthday and church. Thursday - went up north to my Grandma & Grandpa Jewell's came home Sunday night and called all the people's back that gave me a jingle while I was gone. I didn't really know pain until now. There are no words to describe this...agony. I can't believe he's gone. I'm still in so much shock...and then the reality of it all hits me and I break down again. This shattered me. He did everything that he could to serve others. All my life I looked up to him. I'd do anything to just hold him in my arms...and tell him how much I love him and how much he's done for me. He helped my parents raise me...for a few years when I was little both of my parents had to work so him and my Grandma watched me and my older sister Dre'a a lot. He used to drive all the grand-kids around in a trailer behind his tractor...he always watched people line dancing to country music on T.V. and he would always yell at me for dancing in front of the T.V. He always watched Batman & Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with me. He always fixed other people's cars and tractors whatever...he was always willing to help others. He put everyone else before himself. Not too many people do that anymore. I miss him a lot. I miss our talks...making fun of the soap opera's that my Grandma watched all the time...eating windmill cookies together. But most of all...I miss his smile...no matter how bad of a day I had his smile could wipe away each and every tear. I never thought that I would ever have to let him go...especially this soon. I don't understand...I wish that I could know everything that was going on his mind...every little thing that he was thinking about...or was he even thinking at all. So many unanswered questions run through my mind...I just don't understand. The main question that is constantly ringing through my mind is...did he even think about any of us before he pulled that trigger? Did he even care? I honestly have no idea. I wish I did. Tomorrow is my first day back at school...and to tell you the truth...I don't think I'm ready to go back. I just don't think that I could deal with people without ending up killing them. lol. It's the truth. I am so frustrated, confused and irritable right now. One big thing that I learned from all of this is...never take advantage of the short time that you have with people...say what you want to say and do what you want to do right then. Don't leave anything unsaid. Because later on...you may live to regret it. I could never possibly tell him how much that he meant to me and just how much that I loved him. Waking up and knowing that he wont be there...is one of the worst pains that I have ever felt. No more jokes...no more hugs...no more laughter...no more smiles...no more making fun of soap's...no more of his dumb sayings...no more windmill cookies...no more talks...no more watching him flip people off as they speed past us...no more of him asking people to pull his finger when he had to fart...no more of him saying gdeen (green)...$1.298...or 2 4 9...no more of him tickling me...no more listening to him harass my Grandma and retarded aunt Dannel...no more watching him sit in the van as my Grandma goes into the store...no more of his visits (he usually only stayed until he had to piss and then told my Grandma to load up the van!!!)...just...no more good times with him. It just tears me apart to think about all of the good times that we had...and knowing that we won't have anymore. I'm out. Later bitches. pe@ce

~*Jenelle Leavinia*~

R.I.P.
Anne Elizabeth Rollins

and

R.I.P.
Daniel Abraham Moyer

I will never stop loving you...and I will never forget you.