JOKES AT THE BOTTOM!
gah, hopefully this throat thing will get better soon. blah! its worse today, its like totally gone, i sound like im wispering. but then again i haven't talked at all, because my parents are at work and ive been home by myself thus far. but i just tryed talking and its kinda scary. Ive been coughing most of the morning. but not as bad as it was when i first got up. man i never coughed so much!
Me and mother "bonded" last night. That was interesting. Because, u know i never talk to my parents about my personal life. ive just never felt comfortable with it, but ironically enough, ill tell any one of my friends anything. becuase im very open, i mean dont get me wrong, i have some secrets. lol. I ended up not making a fake progress report. but i did lie about mrs. jeffries changing my grades on my progress report, i mean seriously one point away from an A with 3 zeros, thast pretty damn good if u ask me. and i have zeros becaue i turned in things late, but what is late when she never gives a due date. *sigh* but anyway, mother talked to me about Meredith College, how even if i wanted to go to State how i could take some classes there because State is a technical school and it has a pretty good psychology department (which is what i want to major in)
I cant wait till Saturday, hopefully ill have some of my regular voice back, and hopefully ill be aloud to go. lol. hopefully mrs. jeffries wont email my mother and hopefully mother wont find out about my lie.
now that i realize it, this was a pretty boring post. gah. i should put a joke in here..
What did the egg say to the boiling water?...
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
okay this one im gonna put in a link, its probably one of the funnest jokes ever. I know some of you have already seen this becaue i posted it like last year in my old journal. which, btw, i was looking through and god i was such a drama queen. it was really cool though because i realize how much i have changed and how stuff like that doesn't really matter to me anymore. it was awesome!
Catagory: Dirty (and if your male and value your man hood, i encourage you to not picture yourself in the characters place)
Rating: 10
A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He
was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man
can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
Did you like them!?