(no subject)
sometimes I'm just amazed at how my perceptions of reality become warped. I think things are fantastic and then I wake up to nothingness. What goes on?!?
Life is about adapting and changing...but why does that change become negative when we become comfortable in a positive atmosphere? I'm alone now and I'll be alone forever...that should be comforting because I know that this is fate. When will I finally except that fate and be comfortable in this life?
In the grand scheme of things, the relationships that we bond with people (friends, family, significant others) happen in the equivalent of a snap of your fingers. Life is long and hard, but there are those little glimpses of hope that keep you trudging on.
I no longer fear the unknown, but I fear the known. I know that abandonment and lonliness are inevitable for me...and knowing that strikes fear in my soul. I look around at others who seam like they fear their unknown factors and live completely comfortable understanding their truths. Why am I different? Why am I afraid to succomb to this fate? Am I afraid that I will lose my individual qualities? Am I stronger than those around my while I embrace uncertainty and push away to norm?
I find myself questioning fate and destiny all throughout life. I see things that others don't pick up on. I read between the lines and silently pick apart/overthink/justify actions...but why? Am I making excuses for people's actions and trying to deny the truth?
I'm scared shitless about life. Who knows what will come my way. I just want to be whole...to create bonds that make me complete. But I'm slowly learning that bonds don't complete me, I complete myself. I alone hold the key to comfort and I alone hold the hammer of pain.
I'm sad and have cried for 3 days over nothing...over a little thing called love...I think I'm going into hiding to re-coup. and hopefully emerge in a sane state of mind.
Life is about adapting and changing...but why does that change become negative when we become comfortable in a positive atmosphere? I'm alone now and I'll be alone forever...that should be comforting because I know that this is fate. When will I finally except that fate and be comfortable in this life?
In the grand scheme of things, the relationships that we bond with people (friends, family, significant others) happen in the equivalent of a snap of your fingers. Life is long and hard, but there are those little glimpses of hope that keep you trudging on.
I no longer fear the unknown, but I fear the known. I know that abandonment and lonliness are inevitable for me...and knowing that strikes fear in my soul. I look around at others who seam like they fear their unknown factors and live completely comfortable understanding their truths. Why am I different? Why am I afraid to succomb to this fate? Am I afraid that I will lose my individual qualities? Am I stronger than those around my while I embrace uncertainty and push away to norm?
I find myself questioning fate and destiny all throughout life. I see things that others don't pick up on. I read between the lines and silently pick apart/overthink/justify actions...but why? Am I making excuses for people's actions and trying to deny the truth?
I'm scared shitless about life. Who knows what will come my way. I just want to be whole...to create bonds that make me complete. But I'm slowly learning that bonds don't complete me, I complete myself. I alone hold the key to comfort and I alone hold the hammer of pain.
I'm sad and have cried for 3 days over nothing...over a little thing called love...I think I'm going into hiding to re-coup. and hopefully emerge in a sane state of mind.