(no subject)
OMG! I feel sooo much better! I've been taking strong ass antibiotics to get rid of this cold and I'm pretty confident that they're working. I also went to get the results of my TB test this morning and it came back negative...so I DON'T HAVE TB!!! YAY!!
I felt really bad though because on Friday and on Saturday Gary called to hang out with me...I love that kid so much. But instead of being irresponsible, I stayed in and watched a shit load of TV/did very minimal homework.
Ugh! So about this whole Gary situation...I really like him. But I'm pretty sure that I really like him because he's safe. By safe I mean, I know that nothing will come of it because we're both 2 different people...I'm a responsible person who's too scared to try anything ballsy, like coke or speed...and he's Gary, the one who pops pills before he goes to work so he's high and can get through the day. But he's never done that in front of me. I wonder if he's too scared...like maybe he thinks he has to be all proper around me because I act all proper and shit. God I need to loosen up. I really wanted to do bad things last night...do you ever get that feeling? Like you're just so bored with the person that you are so you want to do bad things...like snort lines or smoke weed until your brain starts to fry? Well, this is supposed to be about Gary...so I think I like him because I can't have him. And it's not like a 3rd grade crush that goes away after a week (like most of my crushes). This has been going on for 6 years now. He makes me feel needed. He calls every Friday...never fails...around 7pm I get a call from him asking to come out and play. And he's always so excited to see me and always screams "MARF! I love you kid"...and he has nicknames for me: MARF, sweetness, luv, sunshine. He has this cute little giggle and everytime I hear it, I can't help but laugh...he knows this of course and proceeds to giggle until I'm almost pissing my pants. But when we're together, it's like nothing else matters. Like the world flies by around us, but we're having too much fun together that we don't notice anything else around us...for example, at the bar last weekend, we lost our friends because we were in our own little world of making fun of people and drinking Bud Light. He is my other half...the male version of me. It's so weird thinking that we're so similar... if you talked to him, you'd swear you'd be talking to me. We're always making up our own language and trailing off on tangents while forgetting what we were talking about to begin with. And the funny thing is, I'm afraid to try and kiss him. I know he'd never try to kiss me...well he did one time this summer, but his roommate walked in and we were interrupted. So I'm pretty sure it'd be up to me. But I'm so freakin' scurred as to what he might say or that he may not kiss me back. I don't know, maybe one day I'll try. For now I'll just sit back and relax in Mary/Gary Land...
I felt really bad though because on Friday and on Saturday Gary called to hang out with me...I love that kid so much. But instead of being irresponsible, I stayed in and watched a shit load of TV/did very minimal homework.
Ugh! So about this whole Gary situation...I really like him. But I'm pretty sure that I really like him because he's safe. By safe I mean, I know that nothing will come of it because we're both 2 different people...I'm a responsible person who's too scared to try anything ballsy, like coke or speed...and he's Gary, the one who pops pills before he goes to work so he's high and can get through the day. But he's never done that in front of me. I wonder if he's too scared...like maybe he thinks he has to be all proper around me because I act all proper and shit. God I need to loosen up. I really wanted to do bad things last night...do you ever get that feeling? Like you're just so bored with the person that you are so you want to do bad things...like snort lines or smoke weed until your brain starts to fry? Well, this is supposed to be about Gary...so I think I like him because I can't have him. And it's not like a 3rd grade crush that goes away after a week (like most of my crushes). This has been going on for 6 years now. He makes me feel needed. He calls every Friday...never fails...around 7pm I get a call from him asking to come out and play. And he's always so excited to see me and always screams "MARF! I love you kid"...and he has nicknames for me: MARF, sweetness, luv, sunshine. He has this cute little giggle and everytime I hear it, I can't help but laugh...he knows this of course and proceeds to giggle until I'm almost pissing my pants. But when we're together, it's like nothing else matters. Like the world flies by around us, but we're having too much fun together that we don't notice anything else around us...for example, at the bar last weekend, we lost our friends because we were in our own little world of making fun of people and drinking Bud Light. He is my other half...the male version of me. It's so weird thinking that we're so similar... if you talked to him, you'd swear you'd be talking to me. We're always making up our own language and trailing off on tangents while forgetting what we were talking about to begin with. And the funny thing is, I'm afraid to try and kiss him. I know he'd never try to kiss me...well he did one time this summer, but his roommate walked in and we were interrupted. So I'm pretty sure it'd be up to me. But I'm so freakin' scurred as to what he might say or that he may not kiss me back. I don't know, maybe one day I'll try. For now I'll just sit back and relax in Mary/Gary Land...