Fic: Clear As Day - 2/? - (Mac/Stella)
Title: Clear As Day
Fandom: CSI NY
Characters: Mac/Stella
Prompt: #044 Speak and #000 no clichés, angst
Word Count: 810
Rating: T+
Previous Parts: Part 1
Summary: He can see it in her eyes as clear as day.
Notes: Written for 50scenes and djgoddess1. October 11.
He can see it in her eyes as clear as day: there is something she isn’t saying, something she isn’t telling him. He doesn’t know how to feel about that. They’re best friends. Talking about how they’re feeling is what they do - or so she’s told him on the many occasions she’s tried to get him to open up.
In reality they don’t talk as often as she suggests they do. With their eyes, they can communicate what words just can’t say. With their eyes, they can tell what the other is thinking and feeling. Usually.
Usually they don’t need words.
Today though, he can’t seem to get a read on her. He can’t put together exactly what it is that’s going on with her. He knows there’s something, but what it is remains a mystery to him. He looks her over, concern in his expression. He puts a hand on her shoulder, waits until she lifts her gaze to meet his. “Are you okay?”
He sees a glimmer of fear and then nothing.
She pulls away and takes his heart along with her. “I’m fine, Mac.”
He lets her leave, but he knows she isn’t fine. She isn’t herself.
+++
The moment she is out of his line of sight, he changes his mind. He can’t let her leave like this. He can’t. No matter what she might say, she isn’t fine. She needs intervention; she needs support. She needs him.
Chewing on his bottom lip, he abruptly starts for the door. He makes it through and heads in the direction she left in. He breaks into a run when he sees her by the elevator. The doors slide open and she steps in even as he calls her name. “Stella!”
She doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t look at him. A man who’d already been standing in the elevator when the doors opened glances up at him for the slightest second and it hits him. She’s ignoring him. For some reason that he can’t put words to, she’s ignoring him.
He frowns and takes the last few strides to the elevator, slapping his hands on either side of the door to keep it from closing on him. He enters and stands beside her. She refuses to meet his eyes. Instead she focuses on the floor and picks at the fingernails of one hand.
“Stella?” he says firmly. “Didn’t you hear me?”
No response.
The doors close and they start moving.
+++
“Stella.” She slowly drags her gaze from the floor to look at him. “Are you okay?”
She sighs, loudly. “We’ve been through this, Mac,” she tells him. “I’m fine.”
“I know we’ve been through this, but I don’t believe that you are okay.”
She stares him straight in the eyes. Defiantly. “I’m fine. Really.”
He shakes his head but says nothing. The elevator stops and the man moves past him and outside. She stays put. “Not getting out?”
Silence.
“Stella?”
The man disappears from sight as he rounds a corner and the doors to the elevator close shut once more. He watches her stare blankly at the silver of the doors and swallows, hard. Whatever is wrong, it’s something big. Stella doesn’t just run off without reason only to change her mind at the last minute and turn back. Does she? Does he really know her as well as he thinks he does?
He frowns and steps backwards until he’s leaning against the cool back wall of the elevator. It’s hard on his back and just what he needs. He needs something to lean on, to support him as he’s trying to support Stella. He needs her.
She’s not available right now though, so the wall will have to suffice. He’ll have to figure out what’s going on without her help.
+++
Halfway between floors, he makes up his mind and pulls the emergency stop lever to jar them in place. He barricades it from her so when she reacts and heads straight for him to start it up again, his body is in the way. Her fists land firmly on his chest.
He doesn’t budge, doesn’t move a muscle. He doesn’t speak. He’s tried talking to her. It didn’t work. If she’s changed her mind, it’s now up to her to talk to him.
“Get out of the way,” she practically growls at him.
Progress, he muses, though not much.
“I mean it, Mac.”
“Tell me what’s wrong and I will,” he says.
Her eyes narrow at him and she roughly shakes her head. Whether it’s to clear her head or to signal ‘no’ to him, he can’t be certain. And then she does the last thing he expects from her. Her bottom lip quivers, her eyes fill with tears and a sigh escapes her lips.
She moves back and presses her body against the wall adjacent to his and drops her head down so that her chin is resting on her chest and her hair obscures her face. Stop lever forgotten, he rushes to her side.
+++
“I’m tired, Mac,” she tells him. “I’m bloody tired.”
He carefully places a hand on her shoulder and can instantly feel the tension built up there. Swallowing, he tightens his grip and gives her arm a gentle squeeze. He hates to see her miserable like this and to be honest, it’s scaring him.
Stella is the strong one. She needs no one. That’s the impression she has always given. He has known her a long time and it takes a lot to break her. It takes even more for her to admit it to anyone.
“What happened? Are you okay? You’re not...hurt?” He rushes calculating eyes over her as the thought occurs to him. Was she hurt?
A glimmer of wearied amusement lights up her eyes for a flash and then is gone. Her mouth twitches up slightly at the corners though so he knows he didn’t just imagine it. “I’m fine, Mac. Hell, everything is fine. I just...”
“Yes? Go on.”
She considers him for a moment. Shrugs. “You know those days where every little thing happens and it builds up until you can’t take anymore?”
He nods. “Yeah.”
“Today is one of those days,” she admits. “Usually I can deal with them fine. They’re just little things. Insignificant things. Any other day I’d just move on and forget about them.”
“But today is one of those days,” he repeats her line.
“Exactly.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
She shakes her head. “I want to go home. I want to sleep. I want this day to be over.”
He offers her a soft smile. “I’ll give you a lift.”
When she doesn’t respond he presses the button on the elevator to get it moving again.
+++
They arrive at her apartment in silence and he watches as she unlocks the door with wearied movements. She misses the keyhole the first time and fumbles with the key as she turns it the other way. It drops to the ground and she lets out a cry of frustration.
He kneels down and retrieves the key, while she tries adamantly to not pull too much of her hair out, and then grimacing at her pain he lets them in.
“I had that,” she mutters.
He nods. “Of course.” They stand awkwardly in the doorway and she sucks her lower lip into her mouth. He is entranced by the action and stares openly at her. “Do you mind, uh, if I come in awhile?” he asks finally.
She doesn’t comment on his fascination with her mouth and he hopes she hasn’t noticed. “Why not? You’re going to come in whether I like it or not. I might as well make it easier on both of us.” She waves him inside. “I’ll make coffee.”
Another nod and a tentative smile. “Good.”
She follows him inside and closes the door behind them both. It clicks into place and cuts them off from the rest of the world.
“So,” he says, as she begins to move about in the kitchen. “I’ve been thinking of getting a dog.”
She scoffs. It’s a lie and they both know it. “You’d have to leave the lab to feed it, you know. And you’d have to walk it.”
His lip curls up softly. One shoulder lifts in a shrug. “I suppose that’s true. Perhaps a dog isn’t the right pet for me then. How about a cat?” The look she sends his way is answer enough. “Gold fish?”
“They’re easier to kill than cats, Mac.”
“Maybe I’m just not cut out for pets then.” Threading his fingers through his hair, he lets out a heavy sigh. He walks further inside, turns around and walks back. He does it again. Running water hisses as it spills from the tap. It stops. Objects clatter around, the jug boils and there’s the distinctive sound of water pouring into mugs.
A moment later she’s by his side. She hands him a mug; the warmth seeps into his hands. “There you go. Coffee.”
“Thank you.” His eyes never leave her as she retrieves her own mug. Only when she frowns does he look away. He takes a sip of coffee, cringing when it burns his tongue. “Ow!”
“It’s hot,” she supplies flatly.
“Yes,” he agrees, quirking an eyebrow at her. “I noticed that.”
She shrugs and silently, they move over to the couch and sit down. He sips at his mug. She puts hers on the table next to her having not lifted it to her lips even once and stares off into the distance and at everything that isn’t him.
+++
“Are you done yet?” she asks. It’s a loaded question. If he is, he has no reason further to be there. If he isn’t, they are in for more awkwardness and quiet as he finishes.
“Yeah,” he says. He places his empty mug next to hers and answers her unspoken question. “But I’m not going to leave yet.”
“Girl’s gotta sleep, Mac.” She pushes up from the couch and stands.
“And sleep you will,” he tells her, following suit. “After you’ve told me what’s really going on.”
She looks at him blankly. Her hands go to her hips; her eyes widen slightly. “What’s really going on? Mac, I’ve told you. Bad day. No big deal.”
“I know you. Something isn’t right and it’s more than just a bad day.” He’s unprepared for the wetness that springs to her eyes and the way she wraps her arms around herself and turns from him sends fear coursing through him. “Stella?”
She chokes back a sob and her hair bounces around her shoulders. “Mac, please just leave. I can’t deal with this right now.”
“Can’t deal? With what?” He takes a tentative step towards her. “If you tell me what’s going on I can help. I’m here for you whenever you need it. You know that, right?”
“I know,” she confirms. Nodding, she swipes at the tears that run down her face. “And I appreciate that, Mac. I really do. I just need some space. I need,” she pauses to choke back a sob. “I need to sort through my thoughts.”
“Maybe I can help.” The words leave his mouth before he can think twice and he regrets them immediately. Way to drive it in for her. Stella is trying to digress and the last thing she wants is to have him stick his nose into her business to try to help her. She’s much too strong for that. He opens his mouth to apologize, but she’s faster to respond.
“Maybe you can.”
TBC
Fandom: CSI NY
Characters: Mac/Stella
Prompt: #044 Speak and #000 no clichés, angst
Word Count: 810
Rating: T+
Previous Parts: Part 1
Summary: He can see it in her eyes as clear as day.
Notes: Written for 50scenes and djgoddess1. October 11.
He can see it in her eyes as clear as day: there is something she isn’t saying, something she isn’t telling him. He doesn’t know how to feel about that. They’re best friends. Talking about how they’re feeling is what they do - or so she’s told him on the many occasions she’s tried to get him to open up.
In reality they don’t talk as often as she suggests they do. With their eyes, they can communicate what words just can’t say. With their eyes, they can tell what the other is thinking and feeling. Usually.
Usually they don’t need words.
Today though, he can’t seem to get a read on her. He can’t put together exactly what it is that’s going on with her. He knows there’s something, but what it is remains a mystery to him. He looks her over, concern in his expression. He puts a hand on her shoulder, waits until she lifts her gaze to meet his. “Are you okay?”
He sees a glimmer of fear and then nothing.
She pulls away and takes his heart along with her. “I’m fine, Mac.”
He lets her leave, but he knows she isn’t fine. She isn’t herself.
+++
The moment she is out of his line of sight, he changes his mind. He can’t let her leave like this. He can’t. No matter what she might say, she isn’t fine. She needs intervention; she needs support. She needs him.
Chewing on his bottom lip, he abruptly starts for the door. He makes it through and heads in the direction she left in. He breaks into a run when he sees her by the elevator. The doors slide open and she steps in even as he calls her name. “Stella!”
She doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t look at him. A man who’d already been standing in the elevator when the doors opened glances up at him for the slightest second and it hits him. She’s ignoring him. For some reason that he can’t put words to, she’s ignoring him.
He frowns and takes the last few strides to the elevator, slapping his hands on either side of the door to keep it from closing on him. He enters and stands beside her. She refuses to meet his eyes. Instead she focuses on the floor and picks at the fingernails of one hand.
“Stella?” he says firmly. “Didn’t you hear me?”
No response.
The doors close and they start moving.
+++
“Stella.” She slowly drags her gaze from the floor to look at him. “Are you okay?”
She sighs, loudly. “We’ve been through this, Mac,” she tells him. “I’m fine.”
“I know we’ve been through this, but I don’t believe that you are okay.”
She stares him straight in the eyes. Defiantly. “I’m fine. Really.”
He shakes his head but says nothing. The elevator stops and the man moves past him and outside. She stays put. “Not getting out?”
Silence.
“Stella?”
The man disappears from sight as he rounds a corner and the doors to the elevator close shut once more. He watches her stare blankly at the silver of the doors and swallows, hard. Whatever is wrong, it’s something big. Stella doesn’t just run off without reason only to change her mind at the last minute and turn back. Does she? Does he really know her as well as he thinks he does?
He frowns and steps backwards until he’s leaning against the cool back wall of the elevator. It’s hard on his back and just what he needs. He needs something to lean on, to support him as he’s trying to support Stella. He needs her.
She’s not available right now though, so the wall will have to suffice. He’ll have to figure out what’s going on without her help.
+++
Halfway between floors, he makes up his mind and pulls the emergency stop lever to jar them in place. He barricades it from her so when she reacts and heads straight for him to start it up again, his body is in the way. Her fists land firmly on his chest.
He doesn’t budge, doesn’t move a muscle. He doesn’t speak. He’s tried talking to her. It didn’t work. If she’s changed her mind, it’s now up to her to talk to him.
“Get out of the way,” she practically growls at him.
Progress, he muses, though not much.
“I mean it, Mac.”
“Tell me what’s wrong and I will,” he says.
Her eyes narrow at him and she roughly shakes her head. Whether it’s to clear her head or to signal ‘no’ to him, he can’t be certain. And then she does the last thing he expects from her. Her bottom lip quivers, her eyes fill with tears and a sigh escapes her lips.
She moves back and presses her body against the wall adjacent to his and drops her head down so that her chin is resting on her chest and her hair obscures her face. Stop lever forgotten, he rushes to her side.
+++
“I’m tired, Mac,” she tells him. “I’m bloody tired.”
He carefully places a hand on her shoulder and can instantly feel the tension built up there. Swallowing, he tightens his grip and gives her arm a gentle squeeze. He hates to see her miserable like this and to be honest, it’s scaring him.
Stella is the strong one. She needs no one. That’s the impression she has always given. He has known her a long time and it takes a lot to break her. It takes even more for her to admit it to anyone.
“What happened? Are you okay? You’re not...hurt?” He rushes calculating eyes over her as the thought occurs to him. Was she hurt?
A glimmer of wearied amusement lights up her eyes for a flash and then is gone. Her mouth twitches up slightly at the corners though so he knows he didn’t just imagine it. “I’m fine, Mac. Hell, everything is fine. I just...”
“Yes? Go on.”
She considers him for a moment. Shrugs. “You know those days where every little thing happens and it builds up until you can’t take anymore?”
He nods. “Yeah.”
“Today is one of those days,” she admits. “Usually I can deal with them fine. They’re just little things. Insignificant things. Any other day I’d just move on and forget about them.”
“But today is one of those days,” he repeats her line.
“Exactly.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
She shakes her head. “I want to go home. I want to sleep. I want this day to be over.”
He offers her a soft smile. “I’ll give you a lift.”
When she doesn’t respond he presses the button on the elevator to get it moving again.
+++
They arrive at her apartment in silence and he watches as she unlocks the door with wearied movements. She misses the keyhole the first time and fumbles with the key as she turns it the other way. It drops to the ground and she lets out a cry of frustration.
He kneels down and retrieves the key, while she tries adamantly to not pull too much of her hair out, and then grimacing at her pain he lets them in.
“I had that,” she mutters.
He nods. “Of course.” They stand awkwardly in the doorway and she sucks her lower lip into her mouth. He is entranced by the action and stares openly at her. “Do you mind, uh, if I come in awhile?” he asks finally.
She doesn’t comment on his fascination with her mouth and he hopes she hasn’t noticed. “Why not? You’re going to come in whether I like it or not. I might as well make it easier on both of us.” She waves him inside. “I’ll make coffee.”
Another nod and a tentative smile. “Good.”
She follows him inside and closes the door behind them both. It clicks into place and cuts them off from the rest of the world.
“So,” he says, as she begins to move about in the kitchen. “I’ve been thinking of getting a dog.”
She scoffs. It’s a lie and they both know it. “You’d have to leave the lab to feed it, you know. And you’d have to walk it.”
His lip curls up softly. One shoulder lifts in a shrug. “I suppose that’s true. Perhaps a dog isn’t the right pet for me then. How about a cat?” The look she sends his way is answer enough. “Gold fish?”
“They’re easier to kill than cats, Mac.”
“Maybe I’m just not cut out for pets then.” Threading his fingers through his hair, he lets out a heavy sigh. He walks further inside, turns around and walks back. He does it again. Running water hisses as it spills from the tap. It stops. Objects clatter around, the jug boils and there’s the distinctive sound of water pouring into mugs.
A moment later she’s by his side. She hands him a mug; the warmth seeps into his hands. “There you go. Coffee.”
“Thank you.” His eyes never leave her as she retrieves her own mug. Only when she frowns does he look away. He takes a sip of coffee, cringing when it burns his tongue. “Ow!”
“It’s hot,” she supplies flatly.
“Yes,” he agrees, quirking an eyebrow at her. “I noticed that.”
She shrugs and silently, they move over to the couch and sit down. He sips at his mug. She puts hers on the table next to her having not lifted it to her lips even once and stares off into the distance and at everything that isn’t him.
+++
“Are you done yet?” she asks. It’s a loaded question. If he is, he has no reason further to be there. If he isn’t, they are in for more awkwardness and quiet as he finishes.
“Yeah,” he says. He places his empty mug next to hers and answers her unspoken question. “But I’m not going to leave yet.”
“Girl’s gotta sleep, Mac.” She pushes up from the couch and stands.
“And sleep you will,” he tells her, following suit. “After you’ve told me what’s really going on.”
She looks at him blankly. Her hands go to her hips; her eyes widen slightly. “What’s really going on? Mac, I’ve told you. Bad day. No big deal.”
“I know you. Something isn’t right and it’s more than just a bad day.” He’s unprepared for the wetness that springs to her eyes and the way she wraps her arms around herself and turns from him sends fear coursing through him. “Stella?”
She chokes back a sob and her hair bounces around her shoulders. “Mac, please just leave. I can’t deal with this right now.”
“Can’t deal? With what?” He takes a tentative step towards her. “If you tell me what’s going on I can help. I’m here for you whenever you need it. You know that, right?”
“I know,” she confirms. Nodding, she swipes at the tears that run down her face. “And I appreciate that, Mac. I really do. I just need some space. I need,” she pauses to choke back a sob. “I need to sort through my thoughts.”
“Maybe I can help.” The words leave his mouth before he can think twice and he regrets them immediately. Way to drive it in for her. Stella is trying to digress and the last thing she wants is to have him stick his nose into her business to try to help her. She’s much too strong for that. He opens his mouth to apologize, but she’s faster to respond.
“Maybe you can.”
TBC