#008 Worse Than Death (Mac/Stella)
Title: Worse Than Death
Fandom: CSI NY
Characters: Mac, Stella
Prompt: #008 Seeing Red
Word Count: 503
Rating: M
Summary: I want to kill him. I want to stand in front of him, grab him by his shoulders and shake him free of his very last breath.
Notes: Written for 50_prompts. February 14. This one gets quite dark so if that’s not your thing, you might want to skip over it.
I want to kill him. I want to stand in front of him, grab him by his shoulders and shake him free of his very last breath. I want so badly to stab him in the chest with the kitchen knife I use to chop up chicken for my dinner. I want to watch the blood stain the blade and seep into his clothes.
I want to see his chest rise and fall slower and slower until he is still.
I want him to die and I want to be the reason for it.
It scares me and exhilarates me and I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my body. My blood is hot in my veins; I am exceptionally aware of and familiar with its journey throughout each and every one of my limbs.
It will take a long walk out under the blackened slate of sky to ease off my anger. It will take many of such walks and even that won’t be enough. Nothing will ever be enough.
Bastards like him deserve much worse than death.
There is no justice in death. The death sentence is merely stooping down to the level he is at. It does not make things right. It can only prevent him from doing any further harm. The past cannot be erased.
I know it is wrong but a part of me wishes him to be not yet caught - even though I’m the one who brought him in and I know he’s been charged already - so I can hunt him down myself and play out my wildest fantasies. In them I am adamant in my belief that he really should not have messed with Stella’s life because I am his prize. I am his prize and when he rips off the wrapping paper, he will find nothing but pain.
As much as I would like to, I cannot kill him, however. To kill him would be life imprisonment. For me. I can’t do that to Stella. She needs me out here, on the good side of the law and I need her not that either of us will ever admit it. I have come to rely on her like no one else. And so, I have to let him get away with a punishment not nearly severe enough for his crimes.
My heart is furious that I can do no more while my head is glad I’ve done what I have and no more than that. Because there is nothing else I can do, I take comfort - no matter how little - in the fact that I’ve put him behind bars and Stella is safe. Occasionally I allow the fantasies of killing him to resurface, but not for long.
He will soon be gone from this life and he is not worth the trouble of earning a place for myself behind bars alongside him. One thing I have learned while on his case is that I do not ever want to become the same man he is.
Fandom: CSI NY
Characters: Mac, Stella
Prompt: #008 Seeing Red
Word Count: 503
Rating: M
Summary: I want to kill him. I want to stand in front of him, grab him by his shoulders and shake him free of his very last breath.
Notes: Written for 50_prompts. February 14. This one gets quite dark so if that’s not your thing, you might want to skip over it.
I want to kill him. I want to stand in front of him, grab him by his shoulders and shake him free of his very last breath. I want so badly to stab him in the chest with the kitchen knife I use to chop up chicken for my dinner. I want to watch the blood stain the blade and seep into his clothes.
I want to see his chest rise and fall slower and slower until he is still.
I want him to die and I want to be the reason for it.
It scares me and exhilarates me and I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my body. My blood is hot in my veins; I am exceptionally aware of and familiar with its journey throughout each and every one of my limbs.
It will take a long walk out under the blackened slate of sky to ease off my anger. It will take many of such walks and even that won’t be enough. Nothing will ever be enough.
Bastards like him deserve much worse than death.
There is no justice in death. The death sentence is merely stooping down to the level he is at. It does not make things right. It can only prevent him from doing any further harm. The past cannot be erased.
I know it is wrong but a part of me wishes him to be not yet caught - even though I’m the one who brought him in and I know he’s been charged already - so I can hunt him down myself and play out my wildest fantasies. In them I am adamant in my belief that he really should not have messed with Stella’s life because I am his prize. I am his prize and when he rips off the wrapping paper, he will find nothing but pain.
As much as I would like to, I cannot kill him, however. To kill him would be life imprisonment. For me. I can’t do that to Stella. She needs me out here, on the good side of the law and I need her not that either of us will ever admit it. I have come to rely on her like no one else. And so, I have to let him get away with a punishment not nearly severe enough for his crimes.
My heart is furious that I can do no more while my head is glad I’ve done what I have and no more than that. Because there is nothing else I can do, I take comfort - no matter how little - in the fact that I’ve put him behind bars and Stella is safe. Occasionally I allow the fantasies of killing him to resurface, but not for long.
He will soon be gone from this life and he is not worth the trouble of earning a place for myself behind bars alongside him. One thing I have learned while on his case is that I do not ever want to become the same man he is.