(no subject)
Title: Similarities
Author: xfindyourlight
Pairing: Quinn/Kurt friendship; mentions of Kurt/Puck
Spoilers/Warnings: none.
Summary: "We're not so different, you and I."
When Quinn approaches Kurt, she looks totally different than her normal self. She’s self-conscious and awkward and uncomfortable.
“Can I talk to you?” spills from her lips and she dodges his eyes.
“Sure,” he answers, leaning against the piano. The rest of the glee club is gone and Kurt is waiting around for Mr. Schue to photocopy music for him.
She takes a second to breathe then finally looks at him intensely.
“You know, I used to be really jealous of you,” she starts. Kurt scoffs. Quinn Fabray? Jealous of him? Not possible. She’s beautiful and perfect; she can get anything she wants with a bat of her eye. What could he, school loser, have that she doesn’t? “No, it’s true,” she insists. “You’ve always been so strong. You walk the halls knowing exactly who you are. We tried to tear you down, make you feel as worthless and scared as we are, but you always got back up again. It was frustrating. They can’t understand your strength. They’re so called ‘normal,’ yet they’re confused and insecure, so they took it out on someone different who had what they didn’t.”
It’s strange to hear this. All his life, he’s labeled them as enemies, never realizing that they have feelings and motivations just as he does. It’s almost uncomfortable to have the blanket of ‘they’re just mean people’ torn away, because he’ll find, upon his next dumpster throwing, that he almost feels bad for them, that he can’t hate them so readily anymore.
“But that’s not true,” Quinn continues, breaking him from his thoughts. “You’re not as strong as you pretend to be, are you?” Her words seem harsh, but her voice is soft and unimposing. “You hate that they make you feel worthless and, because of that, you stay outwardly strong to spite them.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” Kurt snaps, pushing off the piano to collect his things. Screw Mr. Schue, he’ll get the music tomorrow.
“How long have you been having panic attacks?”
Kurt freezes. Wheeling around, he finds her looking at him knowingly with the ghost of a smile on her lips.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replies angrily.
“How long have you been having panic attacks?” she repeats.
No matter how much he denies it, she knows.
“About a year. How did you know?” He’s relatively certain he hasn’t told anyone and he’s never had one at school, so how she could’ve found out is beyond him.
Her smile is sad.
“We’re not so different, you and I,” she says, taking a hesitant step toward him. “We flaunt strength so no one will know how terrified we can be. But once that breaks… Once you show a sign of weakness, you’re showing that you’re human and people begin to treat you like a person. It’s kind of nice, actually. It’s hard to pretend that nothing ever bothers you.” She pauses and takes a breath. “I guess my point is that you don’t have to be strong all the time, Kurt. Let yourself go every once in a while. It’s good for you.”
She picks up her bag and Kurt stares at her, unknowing of what to say.
“I know we’re not friends, but, if you ever need an outside perspective to spill to, it’s not like I have a particularly active social life anymore.” She laughs softly and takes his hand. For a moment, they just look at each other. He sees for the first time the noticeable change in her eyes. Her blues were once icy and hard, but then and there they were soft and compassionate. She’s not trying to play him; she’s genuinely offering a suggestion. Once he wraps his mind around that bizarre concept, he can start to see her point, but he’s not sure, ironically enough, that he’s strong enough to take her advice. He nods slightly and she returns it, letting go of his hand and walking to the door. There, she hesitates.
“You know, you don’t have to be so afraid of Puck,” she tells him, much to his surprise. “He and I aren’t right for each other, but he’s not a bad guy. I see you staring at him sometimes. I don’t know if you know, but sometimes he stares back.” She laughs lightly and exits the room. Leave it to Quinn Fabray to make him flustered even when she’s trying to help him.
He’s still crimson when Mr. Schue returns five minutes later with his music.