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I went in this summer expecting to put on a show.
I entered that rehearsal hoping to like the music and to become closer with some people I already knew. I hoped I would be featured and the audience would see me. I wanted to find a cute boy to call my own and just generally have a good time.
And time passed and suddenly strangers became friends and a show was created before our very eyes. People grew and relationships bloomed. Laughter was everywhere and hugs were never infrequent. Our baby, one we'd worked on for countless hours, went up before everyone knew what was happening and rave reviews from several different and well respected sources poured in. We showed them proudly and continued to work to make the show even better. We had an amazing run and audiences adored the show.
I went in this summer expecting to put on a show.
I came out with a family and an experience I will never forget.
Manasquan was the most fun I've had in a long time. It was complete liberation and happiness. Whether we were spending way too much food money on clothes in thrift stores, wanting to kill ourselves from boredom in the dressing rooms, enjoying the beach, or just cuddling up in our rooms, I was happy and having the time of my life. It's a taste of real life, the way I hope my life will be as I grow older. I honestly could have done this show for months if it meant staying with this cast. I adore every one of them from the bottom of my heart. Had one member been subtracted or added, the dynamics would have changed completely. It was a perfect experience and I would not have given it up for anything in the world. I hope I can store these memories deep in my brain to hold on until I am old and senile.
Goodbyes were so hard. So hard. I'm basically crying thinking about it. Yesterday, we went for breakfast and got to the theatre, did physical warm ups, and then Cynthia started talking. I reached out my hand to Larissa, who I can absolutely say was my best friend in the cast, to try not to cry. But, being me, I absolutely failed and caused a chain reaction within the girls of the cast. We all stood in a circle, holding hands and I couldn't help but want to be with everyone forever. I eventually stopped. I watched the show from backstage for the first time and was happily surprised to find that we had such a great show. I went on for the last time in Act I and while in the freeze, I face Larissa. I froze looking at her hand, but halfway through I looked up at her face. I vividly remember thinking, When am I ever going to see her again? And I started tearing up there onstage. I held it until we broke the freeze and the lights went out on us. Once offstage, I threw my arms around her and we stayed there in that embrace for a long time. I then watched A Little Priest and it was incredible. It was as natural as everyday life. Just Jacyln and Kevin having a good time. There was a moment just before 'It's fop/Finest in the shop' that Jaclyn just couldn't stop laughing. The audience burst into applause and the group of us backstage cheered and laughed so hard. The show went on, blah blah, I cried again during 'Not While I'm Around' because Jacyln did. City on Fire was a mess again because the scrim didn't go up and we nearly hit people with the stairs, which was scary, but everyone was fine. I cried in the Final Scene because of Kevin's sobbing on the Beggar Woman. I was backstage trying to stop myself so I could go on for the Epilogue and Jen said to me, "None of that. It's not over yet" (Which was true. We still had a song.) and Corey said, "We still have five more months," which made me happy in a bittersweet sort of way because it was false but I wasn't the only one who didn't want it to end. I didn't sing half of the Epilogue because my voice wouldn't work and I full out cried during curtain call. But I wasn't the only one.
After the show, we all rushed to get our costumes off as usual, some of us crying, some of us not. I found a note in my area from Dara, the costume intern, that said such sweet things like you've become like a sister to me and we need to stay friends and I immediately started bawling and basically ran down the hall to throw my arms around. We just stood there, hugging each other and crying, for a good couple of minutes. I'm so pleased I got to know her, she's great. Said some early goodbyes to people I wasn't too close to.
Then we went to Applebee's and I ate, then table floated. Then came the hard part: the real goodbyes. I was pleasantly surprised by a lot of them. Nick, who's crazy sweet and hilarious, gave me his number so I could tell him to stop by one of Cyn's acting classes. Stephen Mir told me I was much more mature than I'm given credit for. Eryn hugged me three or four times in a row (this was after I told her she was crazy talented). Larissa started all the waterworks. We hugged each other and both proceeded to burst into tears in Applebee's. She told me, "Thank you for being my best friend in the show" and I said, "Thank you for always being there for me." We hugged so many times to a point where I told her to leave already so I could stop crying (only half joking). I love her and miss her already and I plan to hang out with her and visit her in college. Corey picked me up when he hugged me goodbye. Ben told me he loved me. A lot of the leads knew my name, which was nice because I assumed because I didn't talk to them they didn't know my name. Adam yelled at me not to cry when I hugged him, which made me laugh. We talked more this week than we ever had before. Jimmy, before hugging me, said, "This is going to be the hardest one," which, of course, made me start crying as I hugged him and before long he was crying too. Finally, at the end, it was Laura, Alyssa, Katy, and me in front of Alyssa's car. We got into one big group hug, three of four crying, and I said to them that, as a group of friends, we would survive.
My family. All 29 members of it. I'll never forget you. I love you so, so much.
We will survive.