Why?
I have so many questions that involve a "why".
Why do I still love Josh?
Why do I not hate him?
Why do I feel like this?
Those answers will never come to for me. I'll never understand WHY he cheated on me. I'll never know why I still feel like this. To be honest with you...I'm so stupid that I'd go out with him again. However, I think that I'm going to go out with Cameron, but I don't want Dezare to hate me. I can't wait to just escape and go to Bangor. I know that earlier I said that I hated him, but I don't. I can't just sit here and lie to myself. Yes, I hate what he did, but I could NEVER hate him. I'm so damn stupid. Why do things like this ALWAYS happen to me? Another why. So interesting...
I saw him tonight at the REC game, and I swear to god, that I was going to break down. I looked at him, and my heart did the weird jumpy thing, like it always does. Damn. I HATE feeling like this, when I know that I should be SO pissed off. But I'm not. To be honest with you, I'm not even that pissed that he cheated on me, I'm just pissed that he didn't have the guts to break up with me himself. I had to hear from other people that we were broken up. WTF. I just wish that we could go back to Saturday. The last day that we spent together. I probably shouldn't have gotten mad when he was going to delete Camerons number from my cellphone...I should have been just like...It's OK "I Love you, not Cameron". But he doesn't even care that we broke up, and IF he did...he wouldn't show it anyways....he's a guy...they're not "supposed" to show emotion...and he talks to Dani on the phone all the time...Which she prolly shouldn't b doing because, she's going out with Nick, and...I thinkt hat she likes Josh, and I KNOW that he likes her. So here I am, like a dumbass pouring my heart out to this computer...and at the end of the day...I have nothing to show for it.
Why do I still love Josh?
Why do I not hate him?
Why do I feel like this?
Those answers will never come to for me. I'll never understand WHY he cheated on me. I'll never know why I still feel like this. To be honest with you...I'm so stupid that I'd go out with him again. However, I think that I'm going to go out with Cameron, but I don't want Dezare to hate me. I can't wait to just escape and go to Bangor. I know that earlier I said that I hated him, but I don't. I can't just sit here and lie to myself. Yes, I hate what he did, but I could NEVER hate him. I'm so damn stupid. Why do things like this ALWAYS happen to me? Another why. So interesting...
I saw him tonight at the REC game, and I swear to god, that I was going to break down. I looked at him, and my heart did the weird jumpy thing, like it always does. Damn. I HATE feeling like this, when I know that I should be SO pissed off. But I'm not. To be honest with you, I'm not even that pissed that he cheated on me, I'm just pissed that he didn't have the guts to break up with me himself. I had to hear from other people that we were broken up. WTF. I just wish that we could go back to Saturday. The last day that we spent together. I probably shouldn't have gotten mad when he was going to delete Camerons number from my cellphone...I should have been just like...It's OK "I Love you, not Cameron". But he doesn't even care that we broke up, and IF he did...he wouldn't show it anyways....he's a guy...they're not "supposed" to show emotion...and he talks to Dani on the phone all the time...Which she prolly shouldn't b doing because, she's going out with Nick, and...I thinkt hat she likes Josh, and I KNOW that he likes her. So here I am, like a dumbass pouring my heart out to this computer...and at the end of the day...I have nothing to show for it.