(no subject)
i dont know what is happening to me. soo many things are happening around me and i really dont know what to do about all these problems. i have sooo much things to do and i just dont do them. i dont talk about my feelings to anyone. i seem like this person who is always happy on the outside, but in reality i am not. and it really kills me because i want to be happy. but i can't bring myself to be. i really dont talk to ***** anymore and when i do i just lie to him and tell him how everything in my life is soo great. when it really isn't. sometimes i feel like i am there but then i look around and i notice that i am not. i still cry everytime i get off the phone with *****. when i was a freshmen i always thought my senior year would be sooo great because i would have ***** in it and everything would just fall into place but everything is a disaster!!! my mom and i are ok but i never really see her and when i do it is because she wants me to go somewhere with her and then we really dont talk. she is always with her boyfriend. and dont get me wrong i reallly like him but i dont know.... i just want to talk to someone, but the thing is that i say that and i know exactly who i want to talk to, and yes it is HIM, i dont know why i keep thinking about everything, i can't bring myself to just stop talkin to HIM. for 4 years i remeber being in his arms and we would just talk about everything that is happening. and then we were just friends and we would hang out but now we are nothing. i dont see him, everyone has told me that he has changed. i just want to hear him say "i love you" but that is not goin to happen. i want him in my life. i want to be his. i want everything to go back to normal like it use to be.