hm, rambling.
So this weekend I bought Last Tuesday's cd -Distractions and Convictions. I had it before but my brother scratched it up too bad to listen to, so I re bought it, thought I felt bad cause I didnt buy it directly from the boys, I bought it from the record store downtown.
It makes me happy/sad at the same time... I mean, When I first got this album, I was still oblivious to most of the people around me going to shows with me and what not.... It makes me miss the old days when I didnt have to worry about what someone thought about me... I was mad cause it was the day after my sister left me up here again, that I went to the punk show and saw them and talked to them about it and how I had Always listened to their other album "Dear Jessica" all the time in Florida, and how amazing they are as a band..
It makes me think how much has changed since that night..
That night was (then Perkasie Glen -- but now>)Ruined For the Ordinary's first show... I remember being like, woah, they're a really good band. They've now changed their name, their new name has more meaning to it and honestly, I love the new name...
But anyways... Alot has changed since then, some for the better, some, well some of it just sucked how much it's changed.
I dont know, I've gathered more confidence in myself thanks to someone... that probably wouldnt like being mentioned in anything I write so I wont mention them, but they know who they are.
I've also. allowed myself to open up more, Tell people how I feel, srat standing up for myself.. fight back, and have pride in what I do... I dont know.
I dont know, I guess, It's odd how things work out and how things come about... Heather met Rob, the day that LJ cheated on her.. and then there was no more LJ and Heather, and then that soon became a heather and Rob... They have so much love for each other, it amazes me...
It's odd how I met someone and gave up everything for them.. EVERYTHING that I had in Florida... everything. and I admit it was stupid, but then again, I shouldnt regret something, because even though, I have no chance anymore, I've gained so much more than someone to be with... Im not with him, but he's showed me so much... so much that I didnt see before. It was like, WOW, hey guess what, Im actually worth something, Im worth more than dirt, this is nice.
but whatever... I can never repay them.. ata ll I dont think I'll ever be able to...
Yet, no matter how much confidence I have in myself now... theres a HUGE chunk of my heart missing, it'll always be gone... Thats the part Chris filled... I dont think anyone will ever replace that... Chris meant so much to me. it's insane to think that he got murdered..... its still shocking to me that he died at the age of 16 at the hands of someone. .. very few people know how I feel about this, because truly, No one in Warren knew him, they didnt know what great of a person he was, how amazing of a friend he was to a loser kid from PA like me in a new HUGE school..
I dont know, I think it sucks that he didnt get a chance to grow up.. it ticks me off when I think about it.. yet no one up here can tell me, "oh he's in a better place, he was a good person" they dont know, they just didnt know him... ugh
at the show last night, I broke the necklace that he gave me for my birthday ... the last time i saw him before he died... .. I got mad, and I dont know what happened, when I get nervous, I usually play with that necklace cause I know that it brings me comfort, but next think I know, the necklace was broke in my hand, I wanted to cry, but it was totally my fault...
I dont know, Im rambling, but janey said its a good way to heal, yet, I dont know..
How do I heal?
Do I move back to florida and pretend things never happened?
No I've tired that before, it doesnt work....
Do I go back to florida and be happy with my friends down there, do I tell corey and tito that I missed them? Do I just upfront tell them? do they remember me?
I know mr. kris hobbs remembers me... I remember December 28. I went to WalMart with Jessica and I was looking at CD's... and i thought i saw him walk by and he looked my way, but I didnt know if he remembered me so I was like whatever, that's cool... and then the next thing I know, I hear someone SCREAMING, running towards me and he just jumps on me... It was nice knowing that he remembered me... ha it amazed me for some reason..
I dont know what Im talking about at all...
heres the deal kids... in the vicinity of JUNE 20~ Im moving back to Florida and moving on so, lets make these last few months awesome, okay?
I love you all....
and Im sorry if this is really bad, witht he whole jumping from topic to topic thing..
♥
It makes me happy/sad at the same time... I mean, When I first got this album, I was still oblivious to most of the people around me going to shows with me and what not.... It makes me miss the old days when I didnt have to worry about what someone thought about me... I was mad cause it was the day after my sister left me up here again, that I went to the punk show and saw them and talked to them about it and how I had Always listened to their other album "Dear Jessica" all the time in Florida, and how amazing they are as a band..
It makes me think how much has changed since that night..
That night was (then Perkasie Glen -- but now>)Ruined For the Ordinary's first show... I remember being like, woah, they're a really good band. They've now changed their name, their new name has more meaning to it and honestly, I love the new name...
But anyways... Alot has changed since then, some for the better, some, well some of it just sucked how much it's changed.
I dont know, I've gathered more confidence in myself thanks to someone... that probably wouldnt like being mentioned in anything I write so I wont mention them, but they know who they are.
I've also. allowed myself to open up more, Tell people how I feel, srat standing up for myself.. fight back, and have pride in what I do... I dont know.
I dont know, I guess, It's odd how things work out and how things come about... Heather met Rob, the day that LJ cheated on her.. and then there was no more LJ and Heather, and then that soon became a heather and Rob... They have so much love for each other, it amazes me...
It's odd how I met someone and gave up everything for them.. EVERYTHING that I had in Florida... everything. and I admit it was stupid, but then again, I shouldnt regret something, because even though, I have no chance anymore, I've gained so much more than someone to be with... Im not with him, but he's showed me so much... so much that I didnt see before. It was like, WOW, hey guess what, Im actually worth something, Im worth more than dirt, this is nice.
but whatever... I can never repay them.. ata ll I dont think I'll ever be able to...
Yet, no matter how much confidence I have in myself now... theres a HUGE chunk of my heart missing, it'll always be gone... Thats the part Chris filled... I dont think anyone will ever replace that... Chris meant so much to me. it's insane to think that he got murdered..... its still shocking to me that he died at the age of 16 at the hands of someone. .. very few people know how I feel about this, because truly, No one in Warren knew him, they didnt know what great of a person he was, how amazing of a friend he was to a loser kid from PA like me in a new HUGE school..
I dont know, I think it sucks that he didnt get a chance to grow up.. it ticks me off when I think about it.. yet no one up here can tell me, "oh he's in a better place, he was a good person" they dont know, they just didnt know him... ugh
at the show last night, I broke the necklace that he gave me for my birthday ... the last time i saw him before he died... .. I got mad, and I dont know what happened, when I get nervous, I usually play with that necklace cause I know that it brings me comfort, but next think I know, the necklace was broke in my hand, I wanted to cry, but it was totally my fault...
I dont know, Im rambling, but janey said its a good way to heal, yet, I dont know..
How do I heal?
Do I move back to florida and pretend things never happened?
No I've tired that before, it doesnt work....
Do I go back to florida and be happy with my friends down there, do I tell corey and tito that I missed them? Do I just upfront tell them? do they remember me?
I know mr. kris hobbs remembers me... I remember December 28. I went to WalMart with Jessica and I was looking at CD's... and i thought i saw him walk by and he looked my way, but I didnt know if he remembered me so I was like whatever, that's cool... and then the next thing I know, I hear someone SCREAMING, running towards me and he just jumps on me... It was nice knowing that he remembered me... ha it amazed me for some reason..
I dont know what Im talking about at all...
heres the deal kids... in the vicinity of JUNE 20~ Im moving back to Florida and moving on so, lets make these last few months awesome, okay?
I love you all....
and Im sorry if this is really bad, witht he whole jumping from topic to topic thing..
♥