Its time to put the peices back together, but I just dont know how.
Well today was just a shitty day all around. I was running late this morning, almost hit someone on a crotch rocket, found something that just fucking killed me and realized stuff. Then my truck wouldnt start and me and sara had to push it (which I am proud of us) and most of all it was the anniversary of my Uncle's death.
He died 7 years ago. But there are so many things I would like to say to him. I wish I could have given him one last hug, one last goodbye, one last chance to say sorry for not hugging him. Everytime I look at the stars I know he is up there with my Grandpas looking down and protecting us. Sometimes I wish I could join him but I know that it is not the right way to think. My mom and aunt both had dreams of him smiling and laughing, we believe were signs from him saying that he is okay where he is. I wish he would show me a sign so I know that he isnt mad at me, and that he forgives me, or that he is at least okay where he is. It still kills me to this day, especially because the memories of him are growing dim.
Yeah so beyond feeling guilty, I feel worthless, like I can never please anyone, not even myself. I just do not know what to do with myself anymore. I cant wait to go to college and just leave this town, the memories, everything, behind. I want to start over.
Well thats enough of my shitty feelings.
~Nik
RIP Uncle Raymond.
Dec ?, 1956 - Nov 2, 1998
*The worst feeling in the world is getting up in the middle of the night, with your keys ready to run away. Then realizing that you have no where to go, so you have no choice but to go back home. That is the worst feeling, that is when you hit rock bottom.*
He died 7 years ago. But there are so many things I would like to say to him. I wish I could have given him one last hug, one last goodbye, one last chance to say sorry for not hugging him. Everytime I look at the stars I know he is up there with my Grandpas looking down and protecting us. Sometimes I wish I could join him but I know that it is not the right way to think. My mom and aunt both had dreams of him smiling and laughing, we believe were signs from him saying that he is okay where he is. I wish he would show me a sign so I know that he isnt mad at me, and that he forgives me, or that he is at least okay where he is. It still kills me to this day, especially because the memories of him are growing dim.
Yeah so beyond feeling guilty, I feel worthless, like I can never please anyone, not even myself. I just do not know what to do with myself anymore. I cant wait to go to college and just leave this town, the memories, everything, behind. I want to start over.
Well thats enough of my shitty feelings.
~Nik
RIP Uncle Raymond.
Dec ?, 1956 - Nov 2, 1998
*The worst feeling in the world is getting up in the middle of the night, with your keys ready to run away. Then realizing that you have no where to go, so you have no choice but to go back home. That is the worst feeling, that is when you hit rock bottom.*