basically my life is being torn to shreds
i cant afford to lose cole... i just cant. at this point in my life i dont know what i'd do without knowing that i can always turn to him for help. hes just like my best friend and i cant even explain how much he means to me... like whenever im feeling down it always makes me feel better to talk to him. he's the only one that can really make me feel better about shit. hes just so important in my life. i just wish tina would know that i would never want to or try to be a threat to their relationship. i would never even imagine doing anything to harm their relationship. cole really truly loves her and cares about her and i just wish she was more secure with that. i mean really truly and honestly how i feel about cole now is nothing like it used to. hes just my best friend and just really helps me get through hard times.. and i just need him. i remember telling him that i knew he would get a girlfriend and that she would end up being like i dont want you talking to sarah. i just knew it. he promised me he would never stop talking to me because of a girlfriend... but look whats happening now. i really wish i could just talk to her and just be able to express to her the fact that me and cole are truly just friends and never anything more. i wish she could understand that without him as a friend i'd be devastated. i just really really wish she'd understand that. i would never want to mess up their relationship... i mean from what he's told me she makes him really happy... happier than i ever made him and that makes me happy. honestly above all i like to see him happy. it just drives me crazy that she cant see this. i just wish so much that she'd understand.... its not a competition. i dont want cole back im not going to ever try to take him away from her. i would never do that. it just sucks that once me and cole have finally just become really good friends and that i've finally really completely gotten over him that this has to happen. i just wish she could see it from my side. its just like i cant even comprehend not being able to talk to cole i dont know what i'd do with out him. i cried so hard today.... i cried more than i have in a very long time and it just hurt so much.... just the possibility of losing him..... losing him as a friend now would just hurt so fucking much... and i'd probably feel lonelier than i ever have. i understand this is a horrible thing he has to go through... and i know that he would definitely stop talking to me before he would even think of breaking up with tina. i just wish she would know these things.... i just hope cole can talk to her and help her understand. i mean i know how she feels... like i understand where her feelings are coming from but i'd just wish she'd take into consideration how i feel. i mean honestly................. theres nothing i can do except hope to god that she will understand. i just really hope cole doesnt have to break his promise to me and that i dont have to lose my best friend. i just wish it didnt have to be like this....