"We'll stagger home after midnight, sleep arm in arm in the stairwell..."
Wow I haven’t posted here in like a month. XD And I haven’t finished the next chapter of my story, sorry to anybody who’s been reading it ): I just get distracted with stuff :P I’ll try to get back to working on it soon though (:
I guess I’ve really been neglecting LJ because of Holly. xD She told me the other day in an email that I’m basically like her own personal journal, and she’s the same for me :3 I can tell her anything and talk to her about anything in the world, and it’s never awkward. I love helping her and giving her somebody to vent to though; it makes me feel special that she can trust me so much and it makes me feel like I’m useful to somebody - somebody who actually appreciates it. And honestly, even though I know she’ll read this next part and either laugh it off or say I’m an idiot for it, I trust Holly with pretty much my whole life. X3 Watch, now when we get our apartment together I’m going to end up burning down with the place when she tries to cook…XD JUST KIDDING! But seriously, I don’t think I’ve trusted anybody this much since…I dunno who else, actually. There’s people who have come close, but I trust her more than anybody else.
This week, and especially today, I’ve been really thinking about what it’s going to be like when we live together :3 No, I don’t consider it an “if” anymore; call me stupid if you want, but like, I just have such a good feeling about the next year. I feel like things are going to fall into place how we want it to, or at least start to. Yeah, I’m locked away here in Nebraska with my mom for now, and I’ll basically only be able to move at this point if something bad happens, but I know I’ll be okay. If something happens to my mom, yeah I’ll be sad, yeah I’ll cry; but I’ll be able to be with my best friend and begin my life. It’ll suck for a while, but I’ll have to live with it, you know? If I’m not strong now, I’m just going to end up going through my days like a zombie. I don’t want that; with Holly by my side I feel like I’ll be okay in no time. (:
But yeah, I just really want to live with her x3 I want to be able to be there for her whenever, and be able to take care of her like the sister and best friend she is to me. And I want our band to start soon D: I know how bad she wants it lately; we’ve been watching a lot of Blink-182 interviews and shit and she really wants that. I want that too, I want to have the friendship they have and the success they’ve had. I really do see a lot of Tom Delonge’s traits in her; from the way they write songs, to the way they view a lot of things, to how crazy they both can tend to act XD It’s so cute. And I’m not sure if I have a lot of Mark in me, besides the bassist part XD But she calls me her Mark and it’s adorable :3
Sometimes I really feel like we have something like their friendship though; I mean, besides the distance part right now XD But yeah, we’re gonna be the female Blink-182. X3 Sometimes when I’m listening to some of their songs, I imagine myself up on a stage with her, playing the song. Even though I don’t know how to play it XD Just certain ones, they make me really picture being up on a stage and prancing around playing my bass and singing back up. I’ll run up behind Holly and start humping her, kissin’ her cheeks, being gay as fuck ;D We’ll have a blast together when we’re up there.
I can’t wait to really start making music with her and with Mollie. They’re both amazing people and they’re both so talented; I almost feel out of place with them XD I’m going to work my ass off to be as talented as them and to be an asset to this band like I want to be; I’m not going to let them down, no matter what. I want this, I know they want it, and I really do have a good feeling about the coming year :3 I’m ready to start my career and my life with my best friends in the world.
I’ve changed a lot in the past year or two. Last year, everything was GREEN DAY GREEN DAY GREEN DAY, until the end of the year. Then MCR came to me and saved a part of me. Then I started talking to Holly more and more as 2011 began; and I feel like I’ve been finding myself. Between just talking to her constantly, and getting into so much music because of her and with her, I’ve just kind of been growing and becoming Christie more than I am Tracey. It’s weird but it feels so natural too XD She’s changed my life and she makes me feel so lucky to know her. If I think about it, she’s probably the only real best friend I’ve ever had. The friendship I’ve developed with her, what we have together…that’s what I’ve always wanted in a friendship, honestly. :3 Somebody I can trust so much and just feel so fucking happy around no matter what. I’d do anything for her, and that’s something that I can’t say for many other people, if any.
I used to think me and Max would be best friends forever, in a band making music and being our crazy selves and all that. And at the time, when we were talking about it, it seemed like the best thing in the world and like it would really happen. But I haven’t heard shit from Max lately about “our” band, or anything. All I hear is MInecraft, Sims, fucking HOMESTUCK, and whatever the fuck else from her. Nothing about music. Music is my passion, not hers. She’s the video game addict; I’m the one who’s actually trying to learn my instrument. She hasn’t fucking picked up her guitar since beginning of summer. I’ve gotten a good understanding of bass AND I’VE STARTED TO LEARN SOME STUFF ON GUITAR. Yes, her fingers and hands are smaller than mine - which is why, if she’s still interested in having a fucking band, she should have fucking started learning OVER THE FUCKING SUMMER. I love her and she’s my friend, but jesus. You know your hands are small for it, get yourself used to it by PRACTICING, fucktard. But I really don’t care anymore. Holly and Mollie are my band. If Max comes to me about the band again, I’m just going to tell her - sorry dude, I have a band. I couldn’t wait anymore to start on my future. I need this, I want this, THEY want and need this. They’re ready for it; you’re not, Max. Sorry, but I can’t wait for her to open her eyes and realize that she has to work as hard as I am for this if she wants a band with me still. She’s on her own now though; do what you want because I can’t wait around for your sorry ass to be excited for the band we’d been talking about for a fucking year. I can’t say I completely hate her, not yet at least. I just get so irritated and it’s just shit. I’m at a point where I just have to worry about what’s best for me; and that’s Holly and Mollie and OUR band.
But yeah. So I know there’s more I needed to say in this but I need to go to bed shortly. Might have another entry in a day or two for other stuff that’s been going on, but yeah. XD
I just want Holly to know that I love her to pieces and I’m never going to leave her, no matter how hard that might be to believe for her sometimes because of past stuff. But I promise you, I’m not gonna leave you unless it’s in a casket, and I’m not planning that anytime soon xD I love you more than I can say, and I hope you realize that you absolutely mean the world to me darling <3
Love,
Marky<3
I guess I’ve really been neglecting LJ because of Holly. xD She told me the other day in an email that I’m basically like her own personal journal, and she’s the same for me :3 I can tell her anything and talk to her about anything in the world, and it’s never awkward. I love helping her and giving her somebody to vent to though; it makes me feel special that she can trust me so much and it makes me feel like I’m useful to somebody - somebody who actually appreciates it. And honestly, even though I know she’ll read this next part and either laugh it off or say I’m an idiot for it, I trust Holly with pretty much my whole life. X3 Watch, now when we get our apartment together I’m going to end up burning down with the place when she tries to cook…XD JUST KIDDING! But seriously, I don’t think I’ve trusted anybody this much since…I dunno who else, actually. There’s people who have come close, but I trust her more than anybody else.
This week, and especially today, I’ve been really thinking about what it’s going to be like when we live together :3 No, I don’t consider it an “if” anymore; call me stupid if you want, but like, I just have such a good feeling about the next year. I feel like things are going to fall into place how we want it to, or at least start to. Yeah, I’m locked away here in Nebraska with my mom for now, and I’ll basically only be able to move at this point if something bad happens, but I know I’ll be okay. If something happens to my mom, yeah I’ll be sad, yeah I’ll cry; but I’ll be able to be with my best friend and begin my life. It’ll suck for a while, but I’ll have to live with it, you know? If I’m not strong now, I’m just going to end up going through my days like a zombie. I don’t want that; with Holly by my side I feel like I’ll be okay in no time. (:
But yeah, I just really want to live with her x3 I want to be able to be there for her whenever, and be able to take care of her like the sister and best friend she is to me. And I want our band to start soon D: I know how bad she wants it lately; we’ve been watching a lot of Blink-182 interviews and shit and she really wants that. I want that too, I want to have the friendship they have and the success they’ve had. I really do see a lot of Tom Delonge’s traits in her; from the way they write songs, to the way they view a lot of things, to how crazy they both can tend to act XD It’s so cute. And I’m not sure if I have a lot of Mark in me, besides the bassist part XD But she calls me her Mark and it’s adorable :3
Sometimes I really feel like we have something like their friendship though; I mean, besides the distance part right now XD But yeah, we’re gonna be the female Blink-182. X3 Sometimes when I’m listening to some of their songs, I imagine myself up on a stage with her, playing the song. Even though I don’t know how to play it XD Just certain ones, they make me really picture being up on a stage and prancing around playing my bass and singing back up. I’ll run up behind Holly and start humping her, kissin’ her cheeks, being gay as fuck ;D We’ll have a blast together when we’re up there.
I can’t wait to really start making music with her and with Mollie. They’re both amazing people and they’re both so talented; I almost feel out of place with them XD I’m going to work my ass off to be as talented as them and to be an asset to this band like I want to be; I’m not going to let them down, no matter what. I want this, I know they want it, and I really do have a good feeling about the coming year :3 I’m ready to start my career and my life with my best friends in the world.
I’ve changed a lot in the past year or two. Last year, everything was GREEN DAY GREEN DAY GREEN DAY, until the end of the year. Then MCR came to me and saved a part of me. Then I started talking to Holly more and more as 2011 began; and I feel like I’ve been finding myself. Between just talking to her constantly, and getting into so much music because of her and with her, I’ve just kind of been growing and becoming Christie more than I am Tracey. It’s weird but it feels so natural too XD She’s changed my life and she makes me feel so lucky to know her. If I think about it, she’s probably the only real best friend I’ve ever had. The friendship I’ve developed with her, what we have together…that’s what I’ve always wanted in a friendship, honestly. :3 Somebody I can trust so much and just feel so fucking happy around no matter what. I’d do anything for her, and that’s something that I can’t say for many other people, if any.
I used to think me and Max would be best friends forever, in a band making music and being our crazy selves and all that. And at the time, when we were talking about it, it seemed like the best thing in the world and like it would really happen. But I haven’t heard shit from Max lately about “our” band, or anything. All I hear is MInecraft, Sims, fucking HOMESTUCK, and whatever the fuck else from her. Nothing about music. Music is my passion, not hers. She’s the video game addict; I’m the one who’s actually trying to learn my instrument. She hasn’t fucking picked up her guitar since beginning of summer. I’ve gotten a good understanding of bass AND I’VE STARTED TO LEARN SOME STUFF ON GUITAR. Yes, her fingers and hands are smaller than mine - which is why, if she’s still interested in having a fucking band, she should have fucking started learning OVER THE FUCKING SUMMER. I love her and she’s my friend, but jesus. You know your hands are small for it, get yourself used to it by PRACTICING, fucktard. But I really don’t care anymore. Holly and Mollie are my band. If Max comes to me about the band again, I’m just going to tell her - sorry dude, I have a band. I couldn’t wait anymore to start on my future. I need this, I want this, THEY want and need this. They’re ready for it; you’re not, Max. Sorry, but I can’t wait for her to open her eyes and realize that she has to work as hard as I am for this if she wants a band with me still. She’s on her own now though; do what you want because I can’t wait around for your sorry ass to be excited for the band we’d been talking about for a fucking year. I can’t say I completely hate her, not yet at least. I just get so irritated and it’s just shit. I’m at a point where I just have to worry about what’s best for me; and that’s Holly and Mollie and OUR band.
But yeah. So I know there’s more I needed to say in this but I need to go to bed shortly. Might have another entry in a day or two for other stuff that’s been going on, but yeah. XD
I just want Holly to know that I love her to pieces and I’m never going to leave her, no matter how hard that might be to believe for her sometimes because of past stuff. But I promise you, I’m not gonna leave you unless it’s in a casket, and I’m not planning that anytime soon xD I love you more than I can say, and I hope you realize that you absolutely mean the world to me darling <3
Love,
Marky<3