to inform.
I realized I haven't written anything in here in quite sometime, I've tried a many times but either didn't feel like it or at times falling asleep. So I'll write a bit on here then quite possibly delete this or a lot of you from my list of "friends".
I finally reached the age of thirty, yes the grand ol' Dirty 30! At certain times in my life I never thought I'd reach it whereas a lot of my childhood friends never did and here I did. I think certain decisions by my family helped that out, but my later choices in life just about hindered that somewhat. With a lot of my friends and acquaintance's turning 30 and dealing with more problems that one should ever have to and when I step back and think why even bother, I'm just glad I'm sound in my life and the way it's going. If it isn't stress caused from a relationship or lack of a decent job, it's something else and no amount of advice that a friend can give is going to help it out any. So here I am amongst the freaking out and shambled lives of people I know and I can hang my head high, without something bringing my life down. I think the thirties are going to bring something good, I don't know what but it's only been a few weeks, so I'll wait and see.
Yes there are things that can be changed to make it better but I'm happy at this point in time. Each day when I park my truck in the parking garage and walk to my office and pass all those people in the building who complain about their jobs while riding up however many flights of floors in the elevators I just think to myself 'only a few more minutes of this and I can get out of this elevator and walk into my office', so why work a shit ass job that you don't have any passion for? I wonder about this with a lot of society, why not work that little bit harder to gain or acquire a job that you'll be proud of? Yet it's easier to settle for something that'll pay the bills or for the time being, when I hear of someone just settling to be content I look at that to being applied to every situation in life as well and in my eyes that's someone not worthwhile.
Since I'm talking about jobs, I don't only have a job...I have a career! I can think back to when I was little and drawing buildings going I'm going to be an architect when I get older. That drive as a child never died or diminished, but at times frustrated me to wits end and look for other places to work or employ me. These time's weren't by choice not to work in my field but I did what I had to do to survive, a lot of the job's weren't what I thought I'd be doing but now that I look back at it taught me more about myself and where I don't want to be or doing with my life. And with this new firm that I'm working for, working under the best people I've worked with in a long time and being given the freedom to expand/gain my knowledge in my chosen career. The substantial rewards and benefits don't outweigh the person rewards and satisfaction, yes I do enjoy the company golf outing's, bowling nights, fancy dinners, extravagant parties, lunches and attire, but those are the small things to me. It's what I walk away with every day being mentally tired and full of satisfaction, thinking what I can do better to enhance my project at hand within financial reasons. I'm moving forward, above and beyond what I have done in the past, learning as I go and not "flat-lining" like I had done many time of times before at different firms, now it's just moving forward. I no longer take what someone else has designed and create the drawings needed; I now design and draw everything along with meetings with both developers and city municipalities, which is on my list of goals in career life.
I’ve been focusing on family, my family being the most important people to me. As I see each day my own mother’s health dwindling and my father’s devotion to her, I see what lies ahead of me in life. To see the commitment of my father has opened my eyes to what most are missing, and hearing him say "…when I married your mother, I said for better or worse and I’m not giving up…" right at that moment I thought to myself " why does this only have to apply to married couples and not to those that you call friends?" I’ve heard enough labels or definitions from so many people about the word friend that I could write a book on it, but in the long run watching it come to an end over the smallest of things. We’ve all done it, I included but what it comes down to in the end was there really much of a friendship to begin with if it ended over such trivial things? I’m one to watch and listen, observing everything and when I do this I’m learning much more than one can ever tell me about themselves, and then I make my final decision to walk away once and for all. Right now just like always my family is the most important thing to me, and those very few that I call my out of blood family I will always worry and be there for.
As for people that I involve in my life I am slowly weeded them out one at a time, little by little and I'll end up with those that only matter the most. I've been spending a lot of time analyzing a lot of people and how or why they became involved, my final conclusion being that they were in need of something. That something being anything from a favor of moving something, financial support, emotional support, escaping support or many of the other things I concluded during this time of analyzing. But here's the catch, when any of the mentioned weren't asked or needed they're nowhere to be found or reached, but once problems or issues arise, I'm one of the first to be contacted after however long it may be expecting to be helped. I know it's not 100% the person's fault, due to me being the type to help someone out and not expecting something in return, but I should've learned long ago I need to stop. Well that time has come and I might miss the possible future good times, but I see it as I have the memories of all the good times that'll carry me thru time. Sometimes you've got to let thing's go, to grow and gain new memories throughout life instead of reliving the same old one's over and over again.
Along with these memories include all the backstabbing, most of the time all I tend to hear is a lot of false faced Dr. Jekyll friendships. It sucks to hear and I will ask whom it’s about just to piece thing’s together and then when time comes around that the individual comes it ceases and the Mr. Hyde personality resurfaces and I’m there sitting watching and wondering to myself "what’s said about me once I’m not around". The funny thing about the thing’s I wonder about I tend to usually find out in the long run, and at one time I would shrug it off but now it’s to the point I just shrug off that person once and for all. Some would say this is out of spite and bring up my participation, call me a hypocrite or whatever else, feel free to cause I don’t say things that I wont say to one’s self in person. I’m over it, you can have your little cliques, crews, families or whatever else you want to call it, I’ve got bigger things in life to succeed in and live my life as an individual.
Within friends I’ve been reaching forward; setting higher goals and/or standards to those I seek or want around me cause I’ve found those few over the years and I take that as guidelines as to whom I will surround myself with. I may or may not fit in but I’m learning to make the best of it and no longer settle for less in any situation or get taken advantage of by any means. I’m not going to describe what these things are or who these guidelines are based off of cause I’ll make that decision on an individual basis as it arises. I’m glad that I’ve encountered all the people in my life cause with each I’ve taken and given what I can, but no longer can mentally or emotionally deal with them so they’re to be sent on their way. I will quote an ex-girlfriend of mine by saying this, "…people come and go, some stay and some go, but with each passing person you take what you can and give what you can, then send them on their way…"; I never really understood what she was trying to say by this at the time, but now that I’ve had the time to sit down I know exactly what she meant by this. But to add my touch of this and I’ll quote this phrase from a song, "…you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone…".
Along with weeding people out, certain thing's that I once cherished are slowly diminishing themselves out due to my busy work schedule and family matter's attending to. So with the loss of these few things, I've gained more thing's that I enjoy spending my time involved with and showing me to grow mentally. I'm not saying that I wont do these old thing's any longer, but I wont go out of my way to attend or make sacrifices to miss it, cause what am I really missing out on? Seeing the same shit, a different day, a different month, a different year but what it all boils down to is that it's exactly the same shit no matter when or how it's done! I'm tired of repitition, I want something new, I want to bring myself to the new which is focusing on me, myself and I. I'm always on a search for this something new and yes I've found a few thing's that have done just that, but I'm always on the prowl for something better to replace what I once cherished oh so much.
Life’s looking really good with all these newfound things, and I’m accepting it with open arms!
I finally reached the age of thirty, yes the grand ol' Dirty 30! At certain times in my life I never thought I'd reach it whereas a lot of my childhood friends never did and here I did. I think certain decisions by my family helped that out, but my later choices in life just about hindered that somewhat. With a lot of my friends and acquaintance's turning 30 and dealing with more problems that one should ever have to and when I step back and think why even bother, I'm just glad I'm sound in my life and the way it's going. If it isn't stress caused from a relationship or lack of a decent job, it's something else and no amount of advice that a friend can give is going to help it out any. So here I am amongst the freaking out and shambled lives of people I know and I can hang my head high, without something bringing my life down. I think the thirties are going to bring something good, I don't know what but it's only been a few weeks, so I'll wait and see.
Yes there are things that can be changed to make it better but I'm happy at this point in time. Each day when I park my truck in the parking garage and walk to my office and pass all those people in the building who complain about their jobs while riding up however many flights of floors in the elevators I just think to myself 'only a few more minutes of this and I can get out of this elevator and walk into my office', so why work a shit ass job that you don't have any passion for? I wonder about this with a lot of society, why not work that little bit harder to gain or acquire a job that you'll be proud of? Yet it's easier to settle for something that'll pay the bills or for the time being, when I hear of someone just settling to be content I look at that to being applied to every situation in life as well and in my eyes that's someone not worthwhile.
Since I'm talking about jobs, I don't only have a job...I have a career! I can think back to when I was little and drawing buildings going I'm going to be an architect when I get older. That drive as a child never died or diminished, but at times frustrated me to wits end and look for other places to work or employ me. These time's weren't by choice not to work in my field but I did what I had to do to survive, a lot of the job's weren't what I thought I'd be doing but now that I look back at it taught me more about myself and where I don't want to be or doing with my life. And with this new firm that I'm working for, working under the best people I've worked with in a long time and being given the freedom to expand/gain my knowledge in my chosen career. The substantial rewards and benefits don't outweigh the person rewards and satisfaction, yes I do enjoy the company golf outing's, bowling nights, fancy dinners, extravagant parties, lunches and attire, but those are the small things to me. It's what I walk away with every day being mentally tired and full of satisfaction, thinking what I can do better to enhance my project at hand within financial reasons. I'm moving forward, above and beyond what I have done in the past, learning as I go and not "flat-lining" like I had done many time of times before at different firms, now it's just moving forward. I no longer take what someone else has designed and create the drawings needed; I now design and draw everything along with meetings with both developers and city municipalities, which is on my list of goals in career life.
I’ve been focusing on family, my family being the most important people to me. As I see each day my own mother’s health dwindling and my father’s devotion to her, I see what lies ahead of me in life. To see the commitment of my father has opened my eyes to what most are missing, and hearing him say "…when I married your mother, I said for better or worse and I’m not giving up…" right at that moment I thought to myself " why does this only have to apply to married couples and not to those that you call friends?" I’ve heard enough labels or definitions from so many people about the word friend that I could write a book on it, but in the long run watching it come to an end over the smallest of things. We’ve all done it, I included but what it comes down to in the end was there really much of a friendship to begin with if it ended over such trivial things? I’m one to watch and listen, observing everything and when I do this I’m learning much more than one can ever tell me about themselves, and then I make my final decision to walk away once and for all. Right now just like always my family is the most important thing to me, and those very few that I call my out of blood family I will always worry and be there for.
As for people that I involve in my life I am slowly weeded them out one at a time, little by little and I'll end up with those that only matter the most. I've been spending a lot of time analyzing a lot of people and how or why they became involved, my final conclusion being that they were in need of something. That something being anything from a favor of moving something, financial support, emotional support, escaping support or many of the other things I concluded during this time of analyzing. But here's the catch, when any of the mentioned weren't asked or needed they're nowhere to be found or reached, but once problems or issues arise, I'm one of the first to be contacted after however long it may be expecting to be helped. I know it's not 100% the person's fault, due to me being the type to help someone out and not expecting something in return, but I should've learned long ago I need to stop. Well that time has come and I might miss the possible future good times, but I see it as I have the memories of all the good times that'll carry me thru time. Sometimes you've got to let thing's go, to grow and gain new memories throughout life instead of reliving the same old one's over and over again.
Along with these memories include all the backstabbing, most of the time all I tend to hear is a lot of false faced Dr. Jekyll friendships. It sucks to hear and I will ask whom it’s about just to piece thing’s together and then when time comes around that the individual comes it ceases and the Mr. Hyde personality resurfaces and I’m there sitting watching and wondering to myself "what’s said about me once I’m not around". The funny thing about the thing’s I wonder about I tend to usually find out in the long run, and at one time I would shrug it off but now it’s to the point I just shrug off that person once and for all. Some would say this is out of spite and bring up my participation, call me a hypocrite or whatever else, feel free to cause I don’t say things that I wont say to one’s self in person. I’m over it, you can have your little cliques, crews, families or whatever else you want to call it, I’ve got bigger things in life to succeed in and live my life as an individual.
Within friends I’ve been reaching forward; setting higher goals and/or standards to those I seek or want around me cause I’ve found those few over the years and I take that as guidelines as to whom I will surround myself with. I may or may not fit in but I’m learning to make the best of it and no longer settle for less in any situation or get taken advantage of by any means. I’m not going to describe what these things are or who these guidelines are based off of cause I’ll make that decision on an individual basis as it arises. I’m glad that I’ve encountered all the people in my life cause with each I’ve taken and given what I can, but no longer can mentally or emotionally deal with them so they’re to be sent on their way. I will quote an ex-girlfriend of mine by saying this, "…people come and go, some stay and some go, but with each passing person you take what you can and give what you can, then send them on their way…"; I never really understood what she was trying to say by this at the time, but now that I’ve had the time to sit down I know exactly what she meant by this. But to add my touch of this and I’ll quote this phrase from a song, "…you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone…".
Along with weeding people out, certain thing's that I once cherished are slowly diminishing themselves out due to my busy work schedule and family matter's attending to. So with the loss of these few things, I've gained more thing's that I enjoy spending my time involved with and showing me to grow mentally. I'm not saying that I wont do these old thing's any longer, but I wont go out of my way to attend or make sacrifices to miss it, cause what am I really missing out on? Seeing the same shit, a different day, a different month, a different year but what it all boils down to is that it's exactly the same shit no matter when or how it's done! I'm tired of repitition, I want something new, I want to bring myself to the new which is focusing on me, myself and I. I'm always on a search for this something new and yes I've found a few thing's that have done just that, but I'm always on the prowl for something better to replace what I once cherished oh so much.
Life’s looking really good with all these newfound things, and I’m accepting it with open arms!