and its been a while .. since i first saw you
wow.. its been a while since ive updated this thing lol.. id like to start off by saying HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD, MS. ELIZABETH JOAN DAY =) .. nd yea soo lets see, ive been doing quite a bit lately actually. ive been chillen alot in cranford with some pretty amazing people. ndd idk alot of rough shit has been going on lately.. not to sit and complain, but i need to say whats on my mind. my family is a good start. it has officially fallen apart, like i didnt see that one coming. but idk, lately ive felt like my relationship with kenny is falling apart too. i dont know what it is, maybe its just me, maybe im just a bad girlfriend, i havnt quite figured it out yet. ive come to the conclusion that im the type of girl who needs to see her boyfriend everyday, even if its just for like an hour. i hate the fact that it doesnt work like that. i hate the fact that i cant bring myself to trust him anymore, i hate that he sees her more then he sees me, even tho he says nothing will happen. i want to believe him. but i cant. its so hard, and it makes me sad. cuz i remember how i felt that night and how i never want to feel like that again. id rather it just end then to repeat that night all over. i dont feel like im good enough for him anymore. i feel like ive failed him and myself. i feel like he's falling out of love with me. maybe im just not meant to have a boyfriend, maybe im supposed to be alone for the rest of my life. i dont know, but what i do know, is that i do love him. as much as we may argue and as much as i may complain. when hes with me, im the happiest person i could be, and i feel so good about myself. i feel like i could go up to a 6 foot 7 black man, built as hell and just punch him thinking i could beat him, as silly as it may sound. and i do have alot of emotion and i do show it alot. sometimes i wish that he would tell me a little more so that i can be reassured that he loves me and trusts me enough to tell me. and yea, i get jealous. i wanted to bring that up cuz i am one of the most jealous people out there. but what do i really have to be jealous about ? obviously there is a reason that im going out with him and their not. i dunno, i definitely am in love with him, thats right IN love. ive never felt like this about neone and the feeling is indescribable. i guess ill just have to see where it goes from here. i honestly hope we're together for a long time ((i would say forever but how often does that happen?)) .. but i can see myself spending the rest of my life with him, and i hope to do that. i fucking love him so much and i dont know what i would do without him.
the end.
the end.