On family, Christmas, and the like...

[xesia]

Days are winding on into each other. I am honestly forgeting the difference between joy and anger. I can't tell what emotion I am feeling, and if I do know what I am feeling, it feels the same as everything else. The obligatory kindness towards people who normally treat me as if I am awful, is way too much to take anymore. The stress of being better than them, but not being good enough for them kinda throws me for a loop. Ah, but it will just get worse, I try and befriend them, I try and be nice to them...I hold my anger and emotions back and pretend nothing bugs me, I ignore everything they do to hurt me. Especially around this time. Can you say Cinderella? Yet, I am still not good enough, and I am a strong person, I have to be able to stand up for myself. But, I can't with them...If I do, I get yelled at, bitched out, and made out to be the most horrid, awful person in the entire world. Just for saying "Stop treating me like this." Or snapping back when I am told "Jennifer, get off your ass and help your sister!" ...When I was already cleaning, not sitting on my ass at all. Not to mention that when the dogs were going crazy and we had to keep them outside, I literally almost broke me hand doing what they told me...and no one would help...no one. I am sick of them, how fake they are. Maria has seen it, first hand...and it pisses her off. So, now I kind of know I am not making all this shit up in my head, though I kinda wish I was. Oh, and the Insomnia, lack of appetite, lack of physical strength, and drained emotions are not what I wanted for christmas...I have never wanted to sleep so badly, as I do now...I guess the whole point of this post was for me to say...

I genuinely despise my family and everything they suposedly stand for...
And even more.
I genuinely despise Christmas and all the selfish, useless, fakeness it stands for.

HOHOHO MERRY FUCKING CHIRSTMAS! Now, get over yourselves, because this definately is not the "holly jolly, joyous, happy, family oriented" time of year everyone fucking said it is when you are little, oh and fuck lying to kids about santa, what's the point?