And so it goes...
“I’m getting that look again, aren’t I?” Sarah asked,
shutting the back door after letting the cat in.
Damn straight you are. I’m a mess, do you see? It’s raining outside. I’m a messy cat now. A dirty kitty.
“You’re a mess! Ha, I certainly don’t envy you, boy,” she walked into the kitchen.
Of course you don’t. You wouldn’t have too much fun cleaning yourself, now would you? With your tongue. You have loofa sponges. You use loofa sponges. What exactly is a loofa?
“Sarena, c’mere kitty, it’s dinnertime!” placing his full bowl on the straw mat next to his water.
Well, thank you. And by the way, there was no need to neuter me if you were just going to name me ‘Sarena’. Any masculinity I ever had was eradicated the day you named me that.
Sarena never understood why humans give animals such odd and demeaning names. A friend down the street he saw quite often was named “Fluffy”. Why would someone give an animal a name like that? Why don’t they name their own children “Skinny”? He shook his head. That night was wet-food night, one of the best nights of the week.
After having his fill, Sarena trotted into James’ room. James was the youngest in the family and owned a pet rat, which, Sarena was certain, was the epitome of all evil and needed to be destroyed immediately.
Look at him, chewing on his bowl. Sarena thought, narrowing his eyes. That devilishly conniving little rodent. Spawn of Satan himself.
The rat, however, had no conspiracies that he was tumbling about in his brain. He had no reckoning of being involved in a conspiracy and could not be expected to know what a conspiracy was. His eyes did not reflect the inner workings of his brain; if any existed. He was not planning to achieve world domination by assembling a rat army and invading small countries. Monaco would be easy enough; the right starting point for any rat army to pursue its goal of world domination. But the rat, in fact, was just chewing on its bowl. And nothing really caught his attention but the food bowl, for what ever reason. It only averted its attention momentarily to wash its face. Because who likes to have the face that says “I’ve been chewing on a bowl for the past half hour”?
“Oh, Eric! How wonderful,” the mother, Alice, exclaimed form the kitchen, “Sarena, come look at what daddy brought home!”
Sarena was still amazed that this family believed cats actually came because they were called. Still, once again, he decided to humour them. He sauntered into the kitchen and saw a small ball of fur with large yellow eyes. The fur on the back of his neck rose as he stepped back.
No.
Nothing compares to the terror of a cat who has just found out he must share his domain with another.
Very funny, ha ha. You all are comedians. I’m laughing, don’t you see? Ha ha ha ha! This is a hilarious joke, ha ha ha! Oh, you all are too much, really. Now let the kitten go home, I bet his mother misses him. He looked around into the eyes of his family. They beamed back at him.
You’re serious.
Sarena hissed, pulling back his ears and backed up a step again.
I will NOT live with that - that thing!
“Now, Sarena, be nice,” Alice lightly swatted my backside.
I won’t! Haven’t I been a good cat? Don’t you love me? Why, why would you do this? You replace me with this - this - OH, I AM OUTRAGED!
Sarena spat at the ground and growled at the kitten. The kitten in return stumbled awkwardly to Sarena and nuzzled against his neck.
You’re mistaking my rage for affection! STOP!
“Her name is Patches,” Eric said, bending down to pet her.
Patches arched her back, purring. She pulled away from Sarena and pressed her head against Eric’s fingers. The entire family seemed to unanimously exhale in adoration.
Disgusting.
Sarena turned away and walked out of the kitchen. He had almost reached the couch when he felt sharp, tiny spines dig into his claws.
He yowled and whipped around. Patches fell forward as if she had been supporting herself on his tail. She rolled over and gently fell against Sarena’s front legs. The family laughed.
Well, I never! Don’t touch me! Get away. He swatted at her head, claws retracted. Patches caught his paw in both of hers and sniffed it. Sarena pushed his ears back, pulled his paw away from her, and twitched his tail angrily.
“They’ll get along wonderfully! Patches is adorable, Eric, where did you ever find her?” Alice asked her husband.
“A family down the street was selling their litter of kittens.”
Take her back! Sarena was still trying to get away from the groping kitten. He began to walk away when Patches grabbed onto his back leg. A dull ‘thud’ sounded as Sarena hit the floor.
Leave me alone, damn you! Sarena made a mad dash for the parents’ room to hide under the bed. Patches sat upright and blinked confusedly, her bushy tail swishing vacuously.
Later that night, Sarena fell asleep on a pillow next to the couch. He had made the “just-crossing-the-threshold-into-sleep twitch” when he heard -
HI!
Sarena jumped a foot and the air and let out a distressed yowl.
WHA-! YOU! What the hell do you want? Sarena hissed.
I just wanted to come see ya, maybe you were in a bad mood earlier.
Sarena stared blankly at her.
Well, I came out here because, uh, y’ know, it’s dark and this is a new house and I was wondering if I could, y’know, sleep by you, since you’re a cat and all.
Well recognized. Sarena rolled his eyes.
Patches stared dottily at Sarena. He saw a beam of light dance across a few coins on the floor. The glimmer caught his attention for a moment and then he turned back to Patches, who was still staring.
What?
Is it alright?
Is what alright?
Can I sleep by you?
No!
Why not? Patches lowered her ears
Because you - I - we - I don’t want you to!
Aw, come on -
NO!
Patches leaned forward Is it because you’re mad they got me?
Sarena pulled away. He was not about to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was correct.
No.
Then why?
Sarena lowered his head and let out a perturbed sigh.
Fine, just - don’t touch me.
Okay! She curled up into a tiny ball and pulled her bushy tail to her nose. Nighty night! With that, she shut her eyes.
Sarena snorted and curled himself into a loose ball, his back turned to Patches, and fell asleep.
Damn straight you are. I’m a mess, do you see? It’s raining outside. I’m a messy cat now. A dirty kitty.
“You’re a mess! Ha, I certainly don’t envy you, boy,” she walked into the kitchen.
Of course you don’t. You wouldn’t have too much fun cleaning yourself, now would you? With your tongue. You have loofa sponges. You use loofa sponges. What exactly is a loofa?
“Sarena, c’mere kitty, it’s dinnertime!” placing his full bowl on the straw mat next to his water.
Well, thank you. And by the way, there was no need to neuter me if you were just going to name me ‘Sarena’. Any masculinity I ever had was eradicated the day you named me that.
Sarena never understood why humans give animals such odd and demeaning names. A friend down the street he saw quite often was named “Fluffy”. Why would someone give an animal a name like that? Why don’t they name their own children “Skinny”? He shook his head. That night was wet-food night, one of the best nights of the week.
After having his fill, Sarena trotted into James’ room. James was the youngest in the family and owned a pet rat, which, Sarena was certain, was the epitome of all evil and needed to be destroyed immediately.
Look at him, chewing on his bowl. Sarena thought, narrowing his eyes. That devilishly conniving little rodent. Spawn of Satan himself.
The rat, however, had no conspiracies that he was tumbling about in his brain. He had no reckoning of being involved in a conspiracy and could not be expected to know what a conspiracy was. His eyes did not reflect the inner workings of his brain; if any existed. He was not planning to achieve world domination by assembling a rat army and invading small countries. Monaco would be easy enough; the right starting point for any rat army to pursue its goal of world domination. But the rat, in fact, was just chewing on its bowl. And nothing really caught his attention but the food bowl, for what ever reason. It only averted its attention momentarily to wash its face. Because who likes to have the face that says “I’ve been chewing on a bowl for the past half hour”?
“Oh, Eric! How wonderful,” the mother, Alice, exclaimed form the kitchen, “Sarena, come look at what daddy brought home!”
Sarena was still amazed that this family believed cats actually came because they were called. Still, once again, he decided to humour them. He sauntered into the kitchen and saw a small ball of fur with large yellow eyes. The fur on the back of his neck rose as he stepped back.
No.
Nothing compares to the terror of a cat who has just found out he must share his domain with another.
Very funny, ha ha. You all are comedians. I’m laughing, don’t you see? Ha ha ha ha! This is a hilarious joke, ha ha ha! Oh, you all are too much, really. Now let the kitten go home, I bet his mother misses him. He looked around into the eyes of his family. They beamed back at him.
You’re serious.
Sarena hissed, pulling back his ears and backed up a step again.
I will NOT live with that - that thing!
“Now, Sarena, be nice,” Alice lightly swatted my backside.
I won’t! Haven’t I been a good cat? Don’t you love me? Why, why would you do this? You replace me with this - this - OH, I AM OUTRAGED!
Sarena spat at the ground and growled at the kitten. The kitten in return stumbled awkwardly to Sarena and nuzzled against his neck.
You’re mistaking my rage for affection! STOP!
“Her name is Patches,” Eric said, bending down to pet her.
Patches arched her back, purring. She pulled away from Sarena and pressed her head against Eric’s fingers. The entire family seemed to unanimously exhale in adoration.
Disgusting.
Sarena turned away and walked out of the kitchen. He had almost reached the couch when he felt sharp, tiny spines dig into his claws.
He yowled and whipped around. Patches fell forward as if she had been supporting herself on his tail. She rolled over and gently fell against Sarena’s front legs. The family laughed.
Well, I never! Don’t touch me! Get away. He swatted at her head, claws retracted. Patches caught his paw in both of hers and sniffed it. Sarena pushed his ears back, pulled his paw away from her, and twitched his tail angrily.
“They’ll get along wonderfully! Patches is adorable, Eric, where did you ever find her?” Alice asked her husband.
“A family down the street was selling their litter of kittens.”
Take her back! Sarena was still trying to get away from the groping kitten. He began to walk away when Patches grabbed onto his back leg. A dull ‘thud’ sounded as Sarena hit the floor.
Leave me alone, damn you! Sarena made a mad dash for the parents’ room to hide under the bed. Patches sat upright and blinked confusedly, her bushy tail swishing vacuously.
Later that night, Sarena fell asleep on a pillow next to the couch. He had made the “just-crossing-the-threshold-into-sleep twitch” when he heard -
HI!
Sarena jumped a foot and the air and let out a distressed yowl.
WHA-! YOU! What the hell do you want? Sarena hissed.
I just wanted to come see ya, maybe you were in a bad mood earlier.
Sarena stared blankly at her.
Well, I came out here because, uh, y’ know, it’s dark and this is a new house and I was wondering if I could, y’know, sleep by you, since you’re a cat and all.
Well recognized. Sarena rolled his eyes.
Patches stared dottily at Sarena. He saw a beam of light dance across a few coins on the floor. The glimmer caught his attention for a moment and then he turned back to Patches, who was still staring.
What?
Is it alright?
Is what alright?
Can I sleep by you?
No!
Why not? Patches lowered her ears
Because you - I - we - I don’t want you to!
Aw, come on -
NO!
Patches leaned forward Is it because you’re mad they got me?
Sarena pulled away. He was not about to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was correct.
No.
Then why?
Sarena lowered his head and let out a perturbed sigh.
Fine, just - don’t touch me.
Okay! She curled up into a tiny ball and pulled her bushy tail to her nose. Nighty night! With that, she shut her eyes.
Sarena snorted and curled himself into a loose ball, his back turned to Patches, and fell asleep.