The Days Slowly End...
Okay, okay. I'll admit it. Something's wrong with me.
I don't want to live anymore. Not here, not now. At least somewhere else, where everything is what I want it to be, not some freakish nightmare that I won't ever wake up from.
I hate. I hate hating. (( Oxymoron-ic, isn't it? )) Onto my day...
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Today was the last "official" day of "normal" classes for my eigth grade at St. Joseph School. And I got to go on a field trip. As someone would say, "Yippy!" But I'm not that someone, now am I?
Moving on. The field trip was fun enough, the animal part wasn't. Lunch was good. A big grilled cheese sandwitch. Yum. And basically free. And, yes, as we all know, free food always rox my sox.
You know, I've changed a lot in a year. As much as I wouldn't want to admit it, I have to say that I have. But not always in good ways...but I don't know how to put it, what I'm feeling right now. So I'll just go in order.
1. First and foremost, I'm terribly sad. Depressed, even, that everything and everyone I know will probably change over the summer and in high school. I've worked so hard this year to build friendships and relations with people that were good enough that I would hopefully be able to say I "knew" them, but next year I hope that doesn't change. [ I know it will. ] People are telling me not to worry about it, because they will always 'be there' and whatnot, but I don't know if I can trust those people anymore...I still do, so don't worry. Just don't do anything that will change that...I just don't want to have to change from the schedule that I've followed for the last who-knows-how-long part of my life. It's always been the same...wake up, go to school, talk to my classmates, go to the classes, come home, do homework, talk on the phone or hop on the computer, then sleep. Every day. Sometimes it got boring, but I never hated it. It was something I always looked forward to, seeing my friends. I know in high school I will still get to see them, but everything will CHANGE. I dislike that word very much so right now. So much that last night it kept me up...a long time.
2. I'm really frustrated with everything that is going on around me. It's like nothing goes right, ever. Sure, I'll have fun, but that always ends up getting messed up one way or another by somone else or another person somehow. (( Hope that made sense. )) I just wish all of my friends would be happy, especially those who are having a hard time right now. I know that sounds corny, but it's how I feel. If I could just somehow take all their problems and give them to me or make them go away completly, then I would be fine. Not really, but that's how I see it. It would probably kill me anyway, like it is starting to now, but at least I can see my friends smile out of pure joy. That's something I want to see.
It's late, my mom is pissing at me to get off. I'll just end this update now, before I get carried away...not like anyone cares that much about my problems...or do they?
-Out. Already asleep. Dead to the world.
I don't want to live anymore. Not here, not now. At least somewhere else, where everything is what I want it to be, not some freakish nightmare that I won't ever wake up from.
I hate. I hate hating. (( Oxymoron-ic, isn't it? )) Onto my day...
-------
Today was the last "official" day of "normal" classes for my eigth grade at St. Joseph School. And I got to go on a field trip. As someone would say, "Yippy!" But I'm not that someone, now am I?
Moving on. The field trip was fun enough, the animal part wasn't. Lunch was good. A big grilled cheese sandwitch. Yum. And basically free. And, yes, as we all know, free food always rox my sox.
You know, I've changed a lot in a year. As much as I wouldn't want to admit it, I have to say that I have. But not always in good ways...but I don't know how to put it, what I'm feeling right now. So I'll just go in order.
1. First and foremost, I'm terribly sad. Depressed, even, that everything and everyone I know will probably change over the summer and in high school. I've worked so hard this year to build friendships and relations with people that were good enough that I would hopefully be able to say I "knew" them, but next year I hope that doesn't change. [ I know it will. ] People are telling me not to worry about it, because they will always 'be there' and whatnot, but I don't know if I can trust those people anymore...I still do, so don't worry. Just don't do anything that will change that...I just don't want to have to change from the schedule that I've followed for the last who-knows-how-long part of my life. It's always been the same...wake up, go to school, talk to my classmates, go to the classes, come home, do homework, talk on the phone or hop on the computer, then sleep. Every day. Sometimes it got boring, but I never hated it. It was something I always looked forward to, seeing my friends. I know in high school I will still get to see them, but everything will CHANGE. I dislike that word very much so right now. So much that last night it kept me up...a long time.
2. I'm really frustrated with everything that is going on around me. It's like nothing goes right, ever. Sure, I'll have fun, but that always ends up getting messed up one way or another by somone else or another person somehow. (( Hope that made sense. )) I just wish all of my friends would be happy, especially those who are having a hard time right now. I know that sounds corny, but it's how I feel. If I could just somehow take all their problems and give them to me or make them go away completly, then I would be fine. Not really, but that's how I see it. It would probably kill me anyway, like it is starting to now, but at least I can see my friends smile out of pure joy. That's something I want to see.
It's late, my mom is pissing at me to get off. I'll just end this update now, before I get carried away...not like anyone cares that much about my problems...or do they?
-Out. Already asleep. Dead to the world.