(no subject)
Oh my god, fucking bored is what I am. I got about 56 minutes until the shuttle gets here and I am too fucking tired to edit my video.
I need to come up with another idea for a script for my scriptwriting final. I think I wanna rewrite one of my ideas for that killer guy who kills women but falls in love with one so he doesn't kill her. Yeah, it sounds lame, but i got awesome images in my head for how to do it. I might not be able to do it in five or six pages though. so maybe I gotta think of something simpler. It's gotta be kick @$$ though, cuz it's gotta be better than my midterm. I feel like I'm going backwards lately. This video for my final doesn't feel like it's going to turn out as good as last quarters final. I don't even know what music to use. I really think I'm going to try and work in a few songs, playing forward and backwards, fading back and forth. FUCK!!! I gotta make this awesome or else I suck!
Oh well. I'll log it tonight, screw with it a little, and go to the gym and go to fucking bed. I'm so glad that this anxiety is gone for a while, at least mostly. I don't have to lay in bed anymore feeling my fucking chest pounding like I'm on speed, my eyes wide open. God. I serously felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I wonder if she knows what that feels like. I'm sure she does. It just scared me because it was lasting for like hours and hours at a time without letting up. And now I can sleep at night without waking up and letting my mind fuck everything up. I still wonder where she is or what she's doing and who with, but I guess at least now I know (or I fooled myself into believing) that she still wants me and that she's not going to fall out of love with me. Maybe I'm just fooling myself now. But I sleep better now, knowing that I'll probably see her again this week and that she does want ot see me. SHIT! How fucking sad is this, Josh? You fucking pussy. God, I feel like I;m so stupid sometimes. Why do I let myself get so weak? I'll always be a stupid, naive fucking romantic. Oh well. i can;t help but love her this much.
I need to come up with another idea for a script for my scriptwriting final. I think I wanna rewrite one of my ideas for that killer guy who kills women but falls in love with one so he doesn't kill her. Yeah, it sounds lame, but i got awesome images in my head for how to do it. I might not be able to do it in five or six pages though. so maybe I gotta think of something simpler. It's gotta be kick @$$ though, cuz it's gotta be better than my midterm. I feel like I'm going backwards lately. This video for my final doesn't feel like it's going to turn out as good as last quarters final. I don't even know what music to use. I really think I'm going to try and work in a few songs, playing forward and backwards, fading back and forth. FUCK!!! I gotta make this awesome or else I suck!
Oh well. I'll log it tonight, screw with it a little, and go to the gym and go to fucking bed. I'm so glad that this anxiety is gone for a while, at least mostly. I don't have to lay in bed anymore feeling my fucking chest pounding like I'm on speed, my eyes wide open. God. I serously felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I wonder if she knows what that feels like. I'm sure she does. It just scared me because it was lasting for like hours and hours at a time without letting up. And now I can sleep at night without waking up and letting my mind fuck everything up. I still wonder where she is or what she's doing and who with, but I guess at least now I know (or I fooled myself into believing) that she still wants me and that she's not going to fall out of love with me. Maybe I'm just fooling myself now. But I sleep better now, knowing that I'll probably see her again this week and that she does want ot see me. SHIT! How fucking sad is this, Josh? You fucking pussy. God, I feel like I;m so stupid sometimes. Why do I let myself get so weak? I'll always be a stupid, naive fucking romantic. Oh well. i can;t help but love her this much.