holy shazbot..
wow.. study hall is SO boring. just sitting here going back and forth between, ftj.. the dilly.. livejournal.. ftj... the dilly.. livejournal.. THEN DOING THAT LIKE a bazillion more times! gahh! yea.. sitting here makes me SO aggitated. my back hurts.. and its soo hott in here i hate it.. i wish it had been a snow day today.. but noo. rawrs. hmm. but anyways. made blooberry cake in culinary arts coz im spiffy.. then watched a movie in government.. and got a migraine in business math coz it took forever to understand what the fuck we were doing.. and now im in study hall wiv nothing to do... i want to read my book but everyone in this damn class is SO loud.. they are playing hang man on the board and playing tibia on the computers.. (which apparently means u have to yell at the other people in the room who are playing?!) gah!
yea.. i just want to go home.. relaxxx and sleep for a lil bit... yea. i forgot blink 182 at home so i couldnt listen to it today.. its okie.. i listened to Static-X instead =) i just wanted to listen to "I miss you"
I wrote Juztin a letter in government.. but i got bored of writing coz it was giving me a cramp and stopped.. hmph.. i need a laptop so i can take notes on that instead.. oh!!
!!NOTE TO SELF:!!
mythology homework.
&
dactlyoscopy report.
got my MEA prompt story photocopied so i could keep it..
prompt: " You are standing at a door. Any type of door (medieval door, barbershop door, door to your home, magical door in a hill). Describe the door and what is on the other side in detail)
I'm standing outside a door made of glass. One that I have built into a brick wall inside my mind. A door that is covered with locks and bolts, yet could easily be shattered with tormenting words from others.
My sturdy brick wall protects me from all danger and anything that can cause me harm. It is carefully constructed with time, tears and torment. Everything that has ever broken me down to feel like I am nothing more than an perpetually inferior paper doll that everyone can torture.
Behind my door is endless depression. A torment-filled barren land with wallpaper made of distant discarded memories. Memories that I keep locked inside my head. Tumbleweeds stumble aimlessly by, idly reminding me that everything trapped inside this land is dead and surpressed, but never forgotten. All the things that are never welcome into my happy haven on the other side of the wall.
My happy haven full of rainbows and butterflies, bubbles and beautiful things, to keep me comfort when I'm on my own and all alone.
I prefer to never leave my euphoric playground. To never wander aimlessly into the dangerous terrority that I would much rather forget all about. I take notice of the "no trespassing" sign that I have placed upon the brick wall. For I know that if I were to shatter the glass door, my Utopia would come crashing down in an instant and everything I have worked so hard to escape from, would come cascading into my happy have, like a pent-up raging sea. A sea that could swallow all my beautiful things. Snatching them up into it's dark choppy waves.
Every day I wander past the glass door and thank ever molecule of this universe that I am no longer trapped behind those bricks, drowning in an ocean of tears.
It has taken me all my life to be able to seperate these two worlds and to try and forget all those terrible things that I keep hidden on the other side. The terrors that engulf my body in a shroud. A shroud that leaves me feeling very morose without extent.
The terrors plague my dreams and turn them into horrible nightmares from which I cannot escape. Darkness in the deep of night, covering me with silence that is so deafening that I can hear my silent dreams thundering in my ears. My head settled against a tear-stained pillow, as my body tumbles awkwardly. Tossing and turning with neverending pain resonating in my heart and flowing through my body. Rippling through my veins like an obscene current of electricity that kills all my happiness and sinks me into an ocean of depression.
Depression that I cannot hide from. My thoughts never able to tear themselves away. Reminders of what lies behind the wall, beyond the door, skip carelessly through my dreams. These reminders making my helpless happy haven surrender to it's seductive controlling ways.
Even though my door is glass it never ceases to amaze me with its ability to cut me off from the hidden memories that I have grown so fondly to hate with every part of me. The bolts and locks will never willingly be opened, but small cracks in the glass can still appear with every tormenting work from others. I was the one to build my wall and can be the only one to tear it down completely. It can become weathered by negativity, but it will never fully disappear.
And so I leave my door for another day and surround myself with my euphoric shroud and let my body sink into my happy haven. To let myself escape into my handmade bliss.
I will no longer stand at my door made of glass, comtemplating my distant memories. I'd rather live in my security on this side of the brick wall where I belong.
yea.. i just want to go home.. relaxxx and sleep for a lil bit... yea. i forgot blink 182 at home so i couldnt listen to it today.. its okie.. i listened to Static-X instead =) i just wanted to listen to "I miss you"
I wrote Juztin a letter in government.. but i got bored of writing coz it was giving me a cramp and stopped.. hmph.. i need a laptop so i can take notes on that instead.. oh!!
!!NOTE TO SELF:!!
mythology homework.
&
dactlyoscopy report.
got my MEA prompt story photocopied so i could keep it..
prompt: " You are standing at a door. Any type of door (medieval door, barbershop door, door to your home, magical door in a hill). Describe the door and what is on the other side in detail)
I'm standing outside a door made of glass. One that I have built into a brick wall inside my mind. A door that is covered with locks and bolts, yet could easily be shattered with tormenting words from others.
My sturdy brick wall protects me from all danger and anything that can cause me harm. It is carefully constructed with time, tears and torment. Everything that has ever broken me down to feel like I am nothing more than an perpetually inferior paper doll that everyone can torture.
Behind my door is endless depression. A torment-filled barren land with wallpaper made of distant discarded memories. Memories that I keep locked inside my head. Tumbleweeds stumble aimlessly by, idly reminding me that everything trapped inside this land is dead and surpressed, but never forgotten. All the things that are never welcome into my happy haven on the other side of the wall.
My happy haven full of rainbows and butterflies, bubbles and beautiful things, to keep me comfort when I'm on my own and all alone.
I prefer to never leave my euphoric playground. To never wander aimlessly into the dangerous terrority that I would much rather forget all about. I take notice of the "no trespassing" sign that I have placed upon the brick wall. For I know that if I were to shatter the glass door, my Utopia would come crashing down in an instant and everything I have worked so hard to escape from, would come cascading into my happy have, like a pent-up raging sea. A sea that could swallow all my beautiful things. Snatching them up into it's dark choppy waves.
Every day I wander past the glass door and thank ever molecule of this universe that I am no longer trapped behind those bricks, drowning in an ocean of tears.
It has taken me all my life to be able to seperate these two worlds and to try and forget all those terrible things that I keep hidden on the other side. The terrors that engulf my body in a shroud. A shroud that leaves me feeling very morose without extent.
The terrors plague my dreams and turn them into horrible nightmares from which I cannot escape. Darkness in the deep of night, covering me with silence that is so deafening that I can hear my silent dreams thundering in my ears. My head settled against a tear-stained pillow, as my body tumbles awkwardly. Tossing and turning with neverending pain resonating in my heart and flowing through my body. Rippling through my veins like an obscene current of electricity that kills all my happiness and sinks me into an ocean of depression.
Depression that I cannot hide from. My thoughts never able to tear themselves away. Reminders of what lies behind the wall, beyond the door, skip carelessly through my dreams. These reminders making my helpless happy haven surrender to it's seductive controlling ways.
Even though my door is glass it never ceases to amaze me with its ability to cut me off from the hidden memories that I have grown so fondly to hate with every part of me. The bolts and locks will never willingly be opened, but small cracks in the glass can still appear with every tormenting work from others. I was the one to build my wall and can be the only one to tear it down completely. It can become weathered by negativity, but it will never fully disappear.
And so I leave my door for another day and surround myself with my euphoric shroud and let my body sink into my happy haven. To let myself escape into my handmade bliss.
I will no longer stand at my door made of glass, comtemplating my distant memories. I'd rather live in my security on this side of the brick wall where I belong.