Pain To Stop Pain (gen)
Title: Pain To Stop Pain
Author: xephwrites
Characters: Sam, Dean, Lucifer
Rating: R to be safe
Word Count: 1391
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any of its characters. Just playing with toys that are not mine. I promise to return them (mostly) undamaged!
Spoilers: Up to 7.03
Summary: Lucifer taunts him constantly, forcing Sam to deal with it.
Warnings: Self harm, mentions of past self harm, h/c, awesome and affectionate Dean
Notes: Just a little something that my mind cooked up after watching the last episode. I'm sure this will be done a million times over, but this is my take.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Pain keeps him grounded. Pain keeps him aware of what's real and what's not.
Pain sends Lucifer away.
Sam's sitting on the edge of the pea yellow tub in this week’s motel room. He can hear Dean snoring in the other room. Dean only snores when he's had painkillers. Sam laughs darkly. One is chasing it away, the other is seeking it.
Carefully, Sam presses the sharp blade of one of his many knives into the top of his thigh. It stings, but it's not enough.
"Shouldn't you be listening to The Smiths while you do this?" Lucifer quips from his perch on the toilet tank. Lucifer takes one of the individually wrapped soaps and sniffs it. Making a face, he puts it back.
Sam digs his forefinger into the cut on his thigh, hissing as the pain kicks up a notch. Blood begins to drip onto the linoleum floor.
"Shall I sing you some Sarah McLachlan?" Lucifer asks as he picks at the loose threads on the aged and stained towel.
"Shut up," Sam hissed. He presses the cut harder, waiting for Lucifer to flicker out of existence.
"Still here. Gotta try harder now." Lucifer smiled and waved like the Queen of England.
Sam looks at the knife resting beside him on the tub. Maybe if he stabbed himself in the thigh, Lucifer would go away for just a little while.
"I'm sure if you waxed your balls, you could get rid of me for at least a week." Lucifer opened one of the shower caps and put it on. "Is it me?" He asked as he gave a supermodel type pose.
"Fuck off," Sam hissed a little louder. He took the tip of the blade and pressed it into the open wound. The pain was sharp, making Sam gasp.
"Careful," Lucifer tisked. "That's going to get very dangerous very fast."
Sam pulled the blade out of his leg and embedded it into the wall, right where Lucifer's throat should be.
+++++
Dean started to wake up when he heard the bathroom door slam. He heard Sam hurl an insult at empty air. His head was still a bit foggy from the painkillers, but he knew what was happening. The hallucinations were back.
"Dean?" Sam asked quietly. Dean forced his eyes open a bit wider to see his brother standing beside the bed. His face was pained and his shoulders slumped forward.
Dean shifted in the bed, pulling the covers back. Sam slid into Dean's bed and curled into a ball. He had his back to Dean, but Dean knew what was going through Sam's mind.
Dean reached over and rubbed small circles between Sam's shoulder blades. Sam relaxed a little, his breaths no longer shuddering.
"Sleep, Sammy," Dean muttered as he drifted off again.
++++++
Sam woke to hearing Dean moving around in the kitchen. He's out of the cast but Dean is still limping slightly. Dean walks over slowly and hands Sam a coffee. Dean sits down on the bed opposite his, sipping his coffee.
"Want to tell me what happened last night?" Dean asked as he glared over the rim of his coffee mug.
"It was nothing," Sam said as he stood. Dean stared at the bandage on Sam's leg.
"So cut legs and a bloody knife in the bathroom wall is nothing." Dean nodded. "You could have at least wiped the blood off the floor."
"I dealt with it." Sam snapped. He opened his duffel and pulled out a pair of jeans.
"I can't have you cutting again," Dean said quietly. "What happened to the way we-you used to deal with it?" Dean corrected.
"It doesn't work this time," Sam sighed, tossing the jeans back into the bag. He sat back down on the bed. He saw Lucifer sitting on a chair, eating popcorn. He had an amused smile on his face.
"The running, the sparring, it doesn't work. Not this time." Sam rested his head in his hands. "Pain does."
Dean huffed and stood. He paced for a bit, rubbing his forehead.
"I'm not watching you hurt yourself again," Dean muttered.
"This is different," Sam said, looking up at his brother.
"It’s not, and you know it!" Dean snapped. Dean pointed at Sam. "It doesn't matter if you do it because you hate yourself or if it’s because you're seeing shit. It doesn't matter how you rationalize it, it only makes things worse!"
"Dean, you proved to me yourself that pain works in this situation! So I'm supposed to drive myself crazy?" Sam snapped back.
"Well, just… find another way!" Dean shouted. "You almost went too far last time, and I won't go through that again!"
Silence hung between them, thick and heavy. They had both reopened a wound between them. He could see the pained memories in Dean's eyes.
"We'll find another way." Sam said softly. Dean nodded and patted Sam on the shoulder. Lucifer began to applaud.
+++++
"A barfight?" Lucifer asked from his usual seat on the toilet. Sam ignored him and continued to floss his teeth. "I'm sure right now Dean could be up for breaking your nose."
Sam tossed the floss into the garbage can, forcing himself to not look at the devil in the bathroom.
"How about paying one of those prostitutes you loved banging to rough you up a bit?" Lucifer handed Sam the tube of toothpaste.
"How about you fuck off?" Sam said as he squeezed the blue gel onto his toothbrush.
"This is too much fun," Lucifer smirked. "I was so bored until you let me out. And we had so much fun in the cage with Michael and Adam."
Sam spit the paste into the sink and rinsed his mouth out with water. He left the bathroom.
He was relieved to see only Dean in the other room, channel surfing. Sam sat down on the bed, shifting so he was almost touching Dean. Dean leaned a little to his right, resting their shoulders together.
The light touch was a little comforting to Sam. He leaned a little closer and let his mind wander.
When he was a teen, he was frustrated with the hunting life. Everything was buck up and move on. But Sam always had a hard time letting go.
The first time happened by accident. He was sharpening knives and he sliced his finger open. And it felt good.
"Stop thinking about it Sammy," Dean said as he rested his hand just above Sam's knee.
"Can't help it," Sam said as he threaded his fingers through Dean's. Dean squeezed their hands.
Sam remembered the feather light kisses Dean left on his face the night Sam cut too deep in the wrong spot. And Dean gently cursing him as he stitched his younger brother’s leg up, begging him to stop hurting himself.
A tear slid down Sam's face and Dean squeezed his hand again. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lucifer pouting and playing an invisible violin.
"Hurt me, Dean. Please." Sam whispered. He felt Dean shaking his head.
“I can’t Sammy,” Dean said gently.
“You can. Just like in the warehouse,” Sam said, moving their joined hands to the bandage on his leg.
Dean’s hand hesitated over the wound before pressing down, hard. Sam grunted at the pain. It always seemed to hurt so much more when someone else was applying the pressure.
“Hard enough?” Dean asked. Sam shook his head. Dean dug his thumb in more. Sam felt the spot reopen and blood start to flow again. Sam looked over into the corner. Lucifer’s hands were held up and he shrugged. Sam grabbed Dean’s bicep and forced more of his weight onto the spot. He could feel the blood start to soak the denim.
Dean gave one last press downward, making Sam gasp. Lucifer flickered out of existence.
“Thank you,” Sam whispered as he removed Dean’s hand from his leg. Dean nodded and reached into the cooler beside the bed. He pulled out two beers and handed one to Sam. Sam took it graciously and opened it.
“You stop hurting yourself.” Dean said, not even making eye contact. “You need pain to make him go away, you come to me.”
Sam nodded and rested his head against Dean’s shoulder. Lucifer should leave him alone for just a little longer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Comments appreciated!!
Author: xephwrites
Characters: Sam, Dean, Lucifer
Rating: R to be safe
Word Count: 1391
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any of its characters. Just playing with toys that are not mine. I promise to return them (mostly) undamaged!
Spoilers: Up to 7.03
Summary: Lucifer taunts him constantly, forcing Sam to deal with it.
Warnings: Self harm, mentions of past self harm, h/c, awesome and affectionate Dean
Notes: Just a little something that my mind cooked up after watching the last episode. I'm sure this will be done a million times over, but this is my take.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Pain keeps him grounded. Pain keeps him aware of what's real and what's not.
Pain sends Lucifer away.
Sam's sitting on the edge of the pea yellow tub in this week’s motel room. He can hear Dean snoring in the other room. Dean only snores when he's had painkillers. Sam laughs darkly. One is chasing it away, the other is seeking it.
Carefully, Sam presses the sharp blade of one of his many knives into the top of his thigh. It stings, but it's not enough.
"Shouldn't you be listening to The Smiths while you do this?" Lucifer quips from his perch on the toilet tank. Lucifer takes one of the individually wrapped soaps and sniffs it. Making a face, he puts it back.
Sam digs his forefinger into the cut on his thigh, hissing as the pain kicks up a notch. Blood begins to drip onto the linoleum floor.
"Shall I sing you some Sarah McLachlan?" Lucifer asks as he picks at the loose threads on the aged and stained towel.
"Shut up," Sam hissed. He presses the cut harder, waiting for Lucifer to flicker out of existence.
"Still here. Gotta try harder now." Lucifer smiled and waved like the Queen of England.
Sam looks at the knife resting beside him on the tub. Maybe if he stabbed himself in the thigh, Lucifer would go away for just a little while.
"I'm sure if you waxed your balls, you could get rid of me for at least a week." Lucifer opened one of the shower caps and put it on. "Is it me?" He asked as he gave a supermodel type pose.
"Fuck off," Sam hissed a little louder. He took the tip of the blade and pressed it into the open wound. The pain was sharp, making Sam gasp.
"Careful," Lucifer tisked. "That's going to get very dangerous very fast."
Sam pulled the blade out of his leg and embedded it into the wall, right where Lucifer's throat should be.
+++++
Dean started to wake up when he heard the bathroom door slam. He heard Sam hurl an insult at empty air. His head was still a bit foggy from the painkillers, but he knew what was happening. The hallucinations were back.
"Dean?" Sam asked quietly. Dean forced his eyes open a bit wider to see his brother standing beside the bed. His face was pained and his shoulders slumped forward.
Dean shifted in the bed, pulling the covers back. Sam slid into Dean's bed and curled into a ball. He had his back to Dean, but Dean knew what was going through Sam's mind.
Dean reached over and rubbed small circles between Sam's shoulder blades. Sam relaxed a little, his breaths no longer shuddering.
"Sleep, Sammy," Dean muttered as he drifted off again.
++++++
Sam woke to hearing Dean moving around in the kitchen. He's out of the cast but Dean is still limping slightly. Dean walks over slowly and hands Sam a coffee. Dean sits down on the bed opposite his, sipping his coffee.
"Want to tell me what happened last night?" Dean asked as he glared over the rim of his coffee mug.
"It was nothing," Sam said as he stood. Dean stared at the bandage on Sam's leg.
"So cut legs and a bloody knife in the bathroom wall is nothing." Dean nodded. "You could have at least wiped the blood off the floor."
"I dealt with it." Sam snapped. He opened his duffel and pulled out a pair of jeans.
"I can't have you cutting again," Dean said quietly. "What happened to the way we-you used to deal with it?" Dean corrected.
"It doesn't work this time," Sam sighed, tossing the jeans back into the bag. He sat back down on the bed. He saw Lucifer sitting on a chair, eating popcorn. He had an amused smile on his face.
"The running, the sparring, it doesn't work. Not this time." Sam rested his head in his hands. "Pain does."
Dean huffed and stood. He paced for a bit, rubbing his forehead.
"I'm not watching you hurt yourself again," Dean muttered.
"This is different," Sam said, looking up at his brother.
"It’s not, and you know it!" Dean snapped. Dean pointed at Sam. "It doesn't matter if you do it because you hate yourself or if it’s because you're seeing shit. It doesn't matter how you rationalize it, it only makes things worse!"
"Dean, you proved to me yourself that pain works in this situation! So I'm supposed to drive myself crazy?" Sam snapped back.
"Well, just… find another way!" Dean shouted. "You almost went too far last time, and I won't go through that again!"
Silence hung between them, thick and heavy. They had both reopened a wound between them. He could see the pained memories in Dean's eyes.
"We'll find another way." Sam said softly. Dean nodded and patted Sam on the shoulder. Lucifer began to applaud.
+++++
"A barfight?" Lucifer asked from his usual seat on the toilet. Sam ignored him and continued to floss his teeth. "I'm sure right now Dean could be up for breaking your nose."
Sam tossed the floss into the garbage can, forcing himself to not look at the devil in the bathroom.
"How about paying one of those prostitutes you loved banging to rough you up a bit?" Lucifer handed Sam the tube of toothpaste.
"How about you fuck off?" Sam said as he squeezed the blue gel onto his toothbrush.
"This is too much fun," Lucifer smirked. "I was so bored until you let me out. And we had so much fun in the cage with Michael and Adam."
Sam spit the paste into the sink and rinsed his mouth out with water. He left the bathroom.
He was relieved to see only Dean in the other room, channel surfing. Sam sat down on the bed, shifting so he was almost touching Dean. Dean leaned a little to his right, resting their shoulders together.
The light touch was a little comforting to Sam. He leaned a little closer and let his mind wander.
When he was a teen, he was frustrated with the hunting life. Everything was buck up and move on. But Sam always had a hard time letting go.
The first time happened by accident. He was sharpening knives and he sliced his finger open. And it felt good.
"Stop thinking about it Sammy," Dean said as he rested his hand just above Sam's knee.
"Can't help it," Sam said as he threaded his fingers through Dean's. Dean squeezed their hands.
Sam remembered the feather light kisses Dean left on his face the night Sam cut too deep in the wrong spot. And Dean gently cursing him as he stitched his younger brother’s leg up, begging him to stop hurting himself.
A tear slid down Sam's face and Dean squeezed his hand again. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lucifer pouting and playing an invisible violin.
"Hurt me, Dean. Please." Sam whispered. He felt Dean shaking his head.
“I can’t Sammy,” Dean said gently.
“You can. Just like in the warehouse,” Sam said, moving their joined hands to the bandage on his leg.
Dean’s hand hesitated over the wound before pressing down, hard. Sam grunted at the pain. It always seemed to hurt so much more when someone else was applying the pressure.
“Hard enough?” Dean asked. Sam shook his head. Dean dug his thumb in more. Sam felt the spot reopen and blood start to flow again. Sam looked over into the corner. Lucifer’s hands were held up and he shrugged. Sam grabbed Dean’s bicep and forced more of his weight onto the spot. He could feel the blood start to soak the denim.
Dean gave one last press downward, making Sam gasp. Lucifer flickered out of existence.
“Thank you,” Sam whispered as he removed Dean’s hand from his leg. Dean nodded and reached into the cooler beside the bed. He pulled out two beers and handed one to Sam. Sam took it graciously and opened it.
“You stop hurting yourself.” Dean said, not even making eye contact. “You need pain to make him go away, you come to me.”
Sam nodded and rested his head against Dean’s shoulder. Lucifer should leave him alone for just a little longer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Comments appreciated!!