I Need a Spaceship.
I've been taking things easy for the last two months, and I think I may finally be starting to feel like my old self. So many hind-sight realizations are happening to me tonight. There were a lot of incredible people and opportunities in my past that I just let go for some reason. I was dumb. Maybe not just dumb, but unable to see things as clearly while I was still troubled by the lingering effects of my childhood. In other words, I made a habit out of pursuing the wrong women and leaving the irreplaceable ones behind.
I have archives of some my Yahoo! Messenger chats from about 12 years ago, and I looked into them again tonight. The person that I was and the world that I lived in was absolutely incredible. The conversations that I had were unlike anything that I've experienced in recent years. I was almost exactly like the person that I want to be. I want all of that stuff back, but it has been so long. Why has it taken so long for me to realize what I had? I was aware of certain times and places that were special, but never as vividly as I am now. Life was crazy good. I was a great entertainer. I want to figure out what happened to me.
The solution could be as simple as just being myself. I've become very bitter about things in the last few years. You know, part of the magic of being in high school (and being in the Army, for me) was that I had to deal with so many restrictions. What can't I do now? My only limitations are money and time, now. But back then, I was still under the yoke of my parents (or just my dad, since my mom had ran away on us.) We were still dreaming of better things. I think that now that I have so much, I've forgotten how to look past what used to be trivial annoying things and see the beauty of my life. I want to be excited about my opportunities again. A lot has changed, but I need to remember what life was like and experience the motivation that I used to have.