It's been a while.
It's strange, but without him I feel like I'll just be tossed back into disfunction. Like, once his hand isn't there to hold I'll just be all alone.
And while rationally, I understand it's probably not the case, there's still that doubt. Still that inkling of "what if" that I'll be stuck, back at home with nothing but my parents and their unhealthy obsessions.
I just don't want it. It scares me so much I don't know if I can move sometimes. There's that fear, that irrational haunting that if I give up now I won't have anything left but my past.
And fuck that.
And while rationally, I understand it's probably not the case, there's still that doubt. Still that inkling of "what if" that I'll be stuck, back at home with nothing but my parents and their unhealthy obsessions.
I just don't want it. It scares me so much I don't know if I can move sometimes. There's that fear, that irrational haunting that if I give up now I won't have anything left but my past.
And fuck that.