(no subject)
It's interesting, the way birth control makes you change. These shots of estrogen taken in tiny pink pills and all the sudden I'm high on emotion like I haven't been in years. I don't care what anyone says, feelings are just as much of a drug as anything else.
And where does this leave me? Well, desolate and terrible is what. I'm not used to all this moodiness, the lack stoicism and control in my reactions to things. All this crying and screaming, it's like a tempter tantrum except I'm 19 years old and know better then that.
But it would figure, this scorned inflation of feeling is actually helping me evolve. As though I could learn from my emotions, a silly notion I know but maybe there is some truth to all those fairy tales. Maybe I mean, I need to learn to feel first before I can know what something like love really is. How incredible to think that this entire time I haven't been feeling but just acknowledging. It's amazing what I can get away with some of the time.
And I'll get to back to cheating once my body gets used to this estrogen. A few more days and then I won't have to feel like I'm ready to die anymore. Thank god because this desolation is terrible.
And where does this leave me? Well, desolate and terrible is what. I'm not used to all this moodiness, the lack stoicism and control in my reactions to things. All this crying and screaming, it's like a tempter tantrum except I'm 19 years old and know better then that.
But it would figure, this scorned inflation of feeling is actually helping me evolve. As though I could learn from my emotions, a silly notion I know but maybe there is some truth to all those fairy tales. Maybe I mean, I need to learn to feel first before I can know what something like love really is. How incredible to think that this entire time I haven't been feeling but just acknowledging. It's amazing what I can get away with some of the time.
And I'll get to back to cheating once my body gets used to this estrogen. A few more days and then I won't have to feel like I'm ready to die anymore. Thank god because this desolation is terrible.