work work work
work. I don't know what it's like to relax. I have not had a solid weekend off in over a month now, like today for example.. it is my saturday today.. and what did I do? I got up at 5am to be here at 6 to get 6hours overtime in. I was all excited at first to work so much and now I am starting to get a little just tense. But with the way things are looking, I am going to have alot of things going on to de-stress me. My russian and I broke up for almost a week.. I think were in the re-building process cause he drove over last night and kept telling me how much he missed me, and he kept saying how much he loved me and we didn't fight at all.. it was like when we first started dating again.. and I realized he does know me.. really well.. more than I expected any guy I dated to know me, and I am not talking about favorite things, or what I like to do.. I am talking about he can recognize the games I play and he can play back without me even knowing he has caught on. It's a little scary but at the same time it's nice to know that someone really understands me.. like on a mental level. anyone can learn things I like, or how I want to be treated but someone would have to care to learn behavior and thought process... right? Perhaps I am looking too deep into this because I want their to be a stronger connection with him and I than I have ever had with some guy I have been involved in, cause he is not just some guy anymore.
this is going to sound sappy and so girly but honestly I can see myself being happy with him for a long time, I am not saying jumping the broom or anything ha, I am just saying if this is all I had, if this is all I get, than I would not complain. I know he has made mistakes, but thats what people do right? and as long as we learn and don't continue to always make the same mistakes than it's ok. and when do you know if a mistake is forgivable or not? cause some people tell me I forgive too easily while others tell me I hold grudges.. so how do I know if I am just making a exception because I really care about him, but than again friends I have really cared about I now hold grudges towards. See how easily my brain can get confused on this. The way I see it I love him, I honestly do, and nothing is perfect, everything needs work, and if after everything I can still love him just as much, and care about him, and forgive him still, than perhaps it's worth trying, I mean I am still here holding my ground, and so is he, and neither of us have yet to give up on each other, I am going to try, cause I know it's worth it, and thats all I can do right now, is try.
this is going to sound sappy and so girly but honestly I can see myself being happy with him for a long time, I am not saying jumping the broom or anything ha, I am just saying if this is all I had, if this is all I get, than I would not complain. I know he has made mistakes, but thats what people do right? and as long as we learn and don't continue to always make the same mistakes than it's ok. and when do you know if a mistake is forgivable or not? cause some people tell me I forgive too easily while others tell me I hold grudges.. so how do I know if I am just making a exception because I really care about him, but than again friends I have really cared about I now hold grudges towards. See how easily my brain can get confused on this. The way I see it I love him, I honestly do, and nothing is perfect, everything needs work, and if after everything I can still love him just as much, and care about him, and forgive him still, than perhaps it's worth trying, I mean I am still here holding my ground, and so is he, and neither of us have yet to give up on each other, I am going to try, cause I know it's worth it, and thats all I can do right now, is try.