Original Me Haters
Ahem, an e-mail sent to my entire campus from anonymous conspirators:
"Do you hate Eugene Rutigliano?
I certainly do!
It has come to our attention that this bearded, lanky, Italian bastard has
been wandering around
campus with a smile on his face, unaware of the masses of people who despise
his very existence.
End the madness now! Show your true feelings by ordering a shirt, boldly
declaring, "I hate Eugene" in
one of three colors of the flag of his pasta-eating, crime-loving, hairy
ancestors (red, green or white).
Respond to this email with color and size and in the next week or two we will
order a mess of t-shirts
so that the world (and Eugene) can know the truth: everyone hates Eugene.
Sincerely,
The Original Eugene Haters
P.S. We're getting t-shirts. Really, t-shirts. One Colleen Halpin has a
connection. If you want in, email
us. For real."
I hear demand is high.
"Do you hate Eugene Rutigliano?
I certainly do!
It has come to our attention that this bearded, lanky, Italian bastard has
been wandering around
campus with a smile on his face, unaware of the masses of people who despise
his very existence.
End the madness now! Show your true feelings by ordering a shirt, boldly
declaring, "I hate Eugene" in
one of three colors of the flag of his pasta-eating, crime-loving, hairy
ancestors (red, green or white).
Respond to this email with color and size and in the next week or two we will
order a mess of t-shirts
so that the world (and Eugene) can know the truth: everyone hates Eugene.
Sincerely,
The Original Eugene Haters
P.S. We're getting t-shirts. Really, t-shirts. One Colleen Halpin has a
connection. If you want in, email
us. For real."
I hear demand is high.