FIC: Burnt Sugar Part 15/?

Jan 15, 2009 23:34

Title: Burnt Sugar
Author: xenalvrFandom: Original/Otalia uber ( Read more... )

burnt sugar

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Comments 16

wkgreen December 6 2009, 18:26:06 UTC
Nice surprise to wake up too.

Like how the conversation went with Benjamin.

Hmm...me thinks things are heating up. Jack needs to take a serious chill pill and let go already. but we know it isn't going to be that easy. ;)

Waiting for the next chapter. :)

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xenalvr December 7 2009, 14:16:19 UTC
Oh, I do so love giving surprises :)

Hope the pace of the story is okay! I worry about people finding it draggy but when I read it over, it's still gripping me, so... fingers crossed that my readers are feeling the same way!

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wkgreen December 7 2009, 15:58:24 UTC
Pacing is good. You are intermixing developing their relationship and the overall plot nicely.

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bsofthewest December 6 2009, 18:40:15 UTC
"Your little girlfriend will learn soon enough."
Don't like that one bit! WORRY time.

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xenalvr December 7 2009, 14:12:58 UTC
Uh oh. You make me feel like inserting some serious drama to justify the worry! :D

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bsofthewest December 7 2009, 14:26:49 UTC
Go for it...we can handle it, as long as there is some great rescue sex and that asshole gets plenty of trouble from our girls.

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bluejace December 6 2009, 20:06:36 UTC
For some reason, I have some really good visuals of this love scene, can't really say why ;)

Things are starting to move into another realm I sense Jack is going to be trouble. Thing is Russell is rather volatile, I hope he doesn't get in trouble defending their honor. Poor Kristen is so in love and so happy thinking how great her life is and then this ass ruins her day. I wonder if her brother is truly sorry or just making up stuff to get what he wants.

Frances finally seems to be on the same page and completely devoted which is nice to see. And Isobel and Nell flirting? Good, get them both out of the way!

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xenalvr December 7 2009, 14:12:06 UTC
Frances finally seems to be on the same page and completely devoted which is nice to see.

Frances and Nell is really modelled after my ex and I; I was writing the next part of the story today and got to a point where I tried to explain F&N's relationship and how it worked... it was really difficult! Because really, the only thing different between F&N and F&K is that K makes F feel all the stuff that N doesn't, but she loves them both, and has loved N longer.

Heh, good visuals of the sex scene is always a bonus *evil grin*

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th0u_art_that December 6 2009, 20:40:44 UTC
I love Russell and Kristen for sticking up for Frances!

"Fuck work and life. I just want to keep on doing this." <--Awesome. Don't you just love that stage in the relationship when things like that can be said?

Oh and I may have missed it, but is Jack American?

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xenalvr December 7 2009, 13:53:54 UTC
"Fuck work and life. I just want to keep on doing this." <--Awesome. Don't you just love that stage in the relationship when things like that can be said?

Fully! I think I miss that bit of being in relationships... :)

Ah. I forget that you guys aren't actually reading into my head *grin* In my head, he's English. I might add that bit in now!

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authorw December 7 2009, 09:30:56 UTC
Nell and Isobel, interesting flirting going on!
Love Kristen and Nell in the pool.
Jack really is a piece of work! Like Kristen is his property!
Russell beat Kristen to it, I am sure she wanted to kick Jack's ass.

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xenalvr December 7 2009, 14:03:03 UTC
I wasn't quite sure how to write Jack. I hope he didn't come across too badly! In my head, he does truly love Kristen and is hurt that she's moved on... with another woman, no less. So all that snarky comments about Frances was him kinda lashing out.

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authorw December 7 2009, 14:15:15 UTC
I can see that he's hurt by Kristen moving on but it really is his fault.
I love how in all the other chapters and this one that Kristen and Frances are together. The easyness between them and the way they tease each other.

How is your knife issues? I walked into a shop and saw knives in a display cabinet and thought of you.

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xenalvr December 7 2009, 16:04:10 UTC
Haha! Aw... that's sweet of you to think of me when you see knives :) I don't actually think anything of it now when they use my knife *gasp* You just made me realise that!

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