Overloaded...
It's the 10am and I'm sitting here contemplating(sp?) all that is my life.
I got about 3 & 1/2 hrs of sleep last night. I couldn't stop shaking and thinking and crying. I hate to get upset like that, to where I just can't control my emotions, no matter how much someone tries to make me feel better. I don't want to feel hurt anymore because that's not how I want to live. I don't want to hurt anyone even tho it seems more and more lately I do and it's the people I care most about. I want to be more than just this person who helps everyone but can't even help herself.
After today I won't have school or work to deal with for awhile. That'll help some. I'm still dreading going home. Hopefully I can be out of the house as much as possible. I just want to go out and be happy.
I'm still trying to decide if I should go to Priscilla's wedding or not. I don't feel like she wants me there. People tell me things that she should be telling me. I've known Priscilla since the 2nd grade and now it's as if I don't know her at all. If I do go I don't want to go on my own. I think Tim Jones said it was on May 15th, so that gives me a little time to figure something out.
*sigh*
Too much Further Seems Forever isn't really helping...
"Against My Better Judgement"
With starving appetites for arguments
You remind me of a secret
I was never suppose to tell
The time is up - the veredict’s in
Everybody’s right - everybody wins
Didn’t you know you were a saint
What a shameful fall from grace
But I’ll catch you
Everybody’s waiting for
That something they can hold on to
While tripping over our own words
To self-dug graves for an excuse to fall
Cause every failure’s
Just as sweet as the last
As a dream comes
When there are many cares
So the speech of a fool
When there are many words
The sun it misses summer in winter
Didn’t you know we wear the same
The same pretentious name
Let’s trade for awhile - I’m so curious
"I Am"
I am the water
I am waves crashing on to you
I am the blank wave
I am the madness the loss the dark
The hunt the cage the race
I am rejection I am redemption
I am desire for obligation
I am forever but I can be never
If that’s what you want
I am the desert I am oasis
The strength
The weakness for arguments sake
I am one step closer for you
Please tell me when you’re through
Cause I may not be through with you
Your loss to sustain
But I will remain and true to form
If this were
The last breath I ever took
Would you take the time to look
And would you know
You could protect me
But you will kill me
When you’re through
That is the end of Further Seems Forever is making Lindsay sad theater.
Join us next time when we might just learn "How To Start A Fire".
For now I'll exit stage left,
Hope to hear an encore call me back.
To feel wanted on this low lite stage of life,
To just feel.
Wipe away the saline sadness,
Before it soaks my pillowcase.
I care too much to lay here now,
I care too much to walk away.
I don't always understand,
This pain that you feel,
The way you see this world,
But I try to because I want to.
We both have a meaning,
We both have a purpose,
We can't only help ourselves,
We can help eachother.
I'll reach out my hand,
It's for you to take if you want it.
Pain doesn't have to last forever,
If nothing else know that I care.
I got about 3 & 1/2 hrs of sleep last night. I couldn't stop shaking and thinking and crying. I hate to get upset like that, to where I just can't control my emotions, no matter how much someone tries to make me feel better. I don't want to feel hurt anymore because that's not how I want to live. I don't want to hurt anyone even tho it seems more and more lately I do and it's the people I care most about. I want to be more than just this person who helps everyone but can't even help herself.
After today I won't have school or work to deal with for awhile. That'll help some. I'm still dreading going home. Hopefully I can be out of the house as much as possible. I just want to go out and be happy.
I'm still trying to decide if I should go to Priscilla's wedding or not. I don't feel like she wants me there. People tell me things that she should be telling me. I've known Priscilla since the 2nd grade and now it's as if I don't know her at all. If I do go I don't want to go on my own. I think Tim Jones said it was on May 15th, so that gives me a little time to figure something out.
*sigh*
Too much Further Seems Forever isn't really helping...
"Against My Better Judgement"
With starving appetites for arguments
You remind me of a secret
I was never suppose to tell
The time is up - the veredict’s in
Everybody’s right - everybody wins
Didn’t you know you were a saint
What a shameful fall from grace
But I’ll catch you
Everybody’s waiting for
That something they can hold on to
While tripping over our own words
To self-dug graves for an excuse to fall
Cause every failure’s
Just as sweet as the last
As a dream comes
When there are many cares
So the speech of a fool
When there are many words
The sun it misses summer in winter
Didn’t you know we wear the same
The same pretentious name
Let’s trade for awhile - I’m so curious
"I Am"
I am the water
I am waves crashing on to you
I am the blank wave
I am the madness the loss the dark
The hunt the cage the race
I am rejection I am redemption
I am desire for obligation
I am forever but I can be never
If that’s what you want
I am the desert I am oasis
The strength
The weakness for arguments sake
I am one step closer for you
Please tell me when you’re through
Cause I may not be through with you
Your loss to sustain
But I will remain and true to form
If this were
The last breath I ever took
Would you take the time to look
And would you know
You could protect me
But you will kill me
When you’re through
That is the end of Further Seems Forever is making Lindsay sad theater.
Join us next time when we might just learn "How To Start A Fire".
For now I'll exit stage left,
Hope to hear an encore call me back.
To feel wanted on this low lite stage of life,
To just feel.
Wipe away the saline sadness,
Before it soaks my pillowcase.
I care too much to lay here now,
I care too much to walk away.
I don't always understand,
This pain that you feel,
The way you see this world,
But I try to because I want to.
We both have a meaning,
We both have a purpose,
We can't only help ourselves,
We can help eachother.
I'll reach out my hand,
It's for you to take if you want it.
Pain doesn't have to last forever,
If nothing else know that I care.