fic: Not Like a Thunderbolt, Part Four
Part Three
Kurt receives his NYADA letter four days before graduation. Kurt shows Finn the envelope the second he pulls it from the mailbox, his face stoic and pale. Finn encourages him to open it, but Kurt refuses, insisting on waiting for Burt and Carole. Carole arrives home first and when she sees the envelope, she calls Burt and orders him to come home right away. The second he pulls into the driveway, Carole practically yanks him from the car and drags him inside. The whole family gathers in a silent circle in the living room as Kurt holds the envelope away from his body in the neutral space between them. Upon Burt’s prodding, Kurt turns it over and tears it open. He reads carefully; Finn watches his eyes move along the lines of text. Kurt’s arms drop as his face fills with shock. He got in.
Suddenly the room comes alive. Burt cheers, picking Kurt up and swinging him around in a circle. Carole kisses Finn hard on each cheek before doing the same to Kurt and tucking herself into Burt’s side. Kurt turns to Finn, his face unrestrained, full of awe, and achingly beautiful. Finn’s first instinct is to kiss Kurt; to scoop him up and pour his pride into him with his fevered mouth. With their parents standing and watching them though, Finn manages to hold back. Instead he steps up to Kurt and hugs him with everything he has, squeezing until Kurt makes a little noise as the air is forced from his body; Kurt squeezes back just as fiercely though, so Finn doesn’t worry. They don’t let go until Burt clears his throat, forcing the two teens to step back and breathe again.
Kurt’s phone rings and it’s Rachel. When Kurt picks up the call, Finn can hear Rachel squealing even though the phone isn’t on speaker. She is accepted too, and invites the Hudson-Hummels over for a sparkling cider celebration. By the time they get to the Berrys’ house, the party is in full swing, Rachel’s two fathers singing and playing the piano in turn as Rachel offers snacks to a few members of the Glee club. When she sees Kurt, she rushes to him and the two embrace and chatter about their prior worries and eventual elation. Finn feels awkward for a moment, but Rachel notices his presence and hugs him too, thanking him for his support. Finn hugs and congratulates her, relieved that things seem to be okay between them.
Kurt floats about the room in triumph, balancing a flute of sparkling cider in his hand and accepting praise from their friends. His eyes dance and his cheeks flush as he chats with people, more confident and elegant that Finn has ever seen him. Finn hangs back and watches as Kurt has his moment in the sun. When Puck approaches him, Finn smiles; he thinks it’s pretty cool that Puck would come out to support Rachel and Kurt for something like this.
“Hey, bro.” Puck greets Finn with a single, manly chin lift. He looks around the room, before holding out one side of his jacket to show a silver-tone flask in his inside pocket. “I think this party needs a little octane. You want some?”
Finn shakes his head, amused. “Nah, I’m good.”
“Suit yourself,” Puck says as he ducks his head into his jacket to take a swig. When he resurfaces, he asks, “Did you think more about my offer? Ya know… you and me in Hollywood, cleaning pools and banging chicks out in the sun all day?” He leans over conspiratorially. “And we’re talkin’ starlet tail, dude… grade A stuff. You’d be crazy not to come with me.”
Finn waves Puck’s offer away and Puck gives him a disbelieving look as he explains. “Look, man; I appreciate the offer, but… that’s just not for me.” Finn watches Kurt as he and Rachel spin each other around in the center of the room to the music, laughing and joyous.
Puck follows Finn’s eye line before turning back to him. “She’s not gonna be here, man.”
The statement startles Finn out of his thoughts. “Huh?”
“She’s not gonna be here. I don’t know what you’ve got planned to get her back, but she’s leaving, dude. Her and Kurt are going to New York, so unless you plan on following ‘em…”
Finn’s blood runs cold, the realization hitting him shamefully late. Kurt is leaving. In the fall he’ll go to school in New York and Finn will be… who knows where. Kurt is currently celebrating that he’s leaving Lima and never looking back; he’s dancing with Rachel as Finn watches from the sidelines. It’s startlingly telling.
His emotion must show on his face, because Puck claps a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Sorry to break the bad news, but somebody had to.” He pats Finn again before retracting his hand. “Think about it. Cali calls, dude.”
Finn stands stunned at the edge of the room. He does his best to smile and perform as people come up to him and ask how excited he is for Kurt and Rachel, but he feels more numb with each passing moment and Kurt looks farther and farther away.
It’s pretty late when they return home, so Burt and Carole turn in quickly, but not before hugging and congratulating Kurt one more time. Once they’ve gone upstairs, Kurt turns to Finn and rakes his eyes over him. Finn thinks he knows what he’s thinking and he doesn’t want to talk about it, so instead he says, “I didn’t see Blaine at the party.”
Kurt waves a hand like it’s not that weird. “Well, he’s at home this weekend and had some function with his parents. They wouldn’t let him out of it. I called him though, and he was really happy for me.”
Finn smiles with all the force he can muster. “That’s good. It still sucks he missed it though.”
Kurt agrees distractedly, narrowing his eyes at Finn. “Is everything… okay?” He reaches out to touch Finn, but Finn withdraws. Finn can hardly stand how worried Kurt looks. “Finn?”
Finn sighs and puts himself in check. Kurt is finally getting his break: his dream is coming true and he’s getting the opportunity he needs to get out of Ohio and into the spotlight. It should be the happiest day of Kurt’s life and Finn can’t bear to sully it. “I’m sorry,” Finn says and shakes his head. “I’m just kinda tired.” He loops his arms around the small of Kurt’s back to pull them flush together. “You’re amazing, Kurt. I knew you’d make it, and I’m totally proud of you.”
The worry lines slide off Kurt’s face as he exhales. Kurt pulls Finn down to him, kissing him roughly, like he’s been waiting for too long, and Finn gives it back to him. “I missed you,” Kurt confesses, his lips still touching Finn’s. “At the party. I wanted you with me. Next to me.”
Finn feels the words in his gut. “Me too.” He kisses Kurt again, finding first his lips and then his chin and the soft skin underneath. “Me too.”
Kurt hums as he grasps Finn’s hipbone. “Let’s go upstairs,” he blurts in a hushed tone. His eyes look so big.
Finn wonders if this is it-figures that it must be. Kurt’s leaving and he needs to say goodbye. Finn can’t blame him; he wouldn’t pick himself over the fabulous life of New York. Maybe he should refuse Kurt’s offer in the name of self-preservation, but he wants this, needs it, and if it causes him more grief later, well then it’s his own fault.
“Yeah,” Finn agrees as he pets the hair at the nape of Kurt’s neck. “Come on.”
Kurt leads Finn up to his room and closes the door behind them. They kiss and touch each other in places they haven’t had a chance to discover before, keeping as silent as they can. Kurt pulls Finn’s shirt off and Finn helps free Kurt of his layers. Kurt presses Finn to the bed and Finn just lets him; lets him take whatever he wants and feels the purpose in it. Kurt puts his mouth on Finn first, and it’s so good that Finn’s eyesight goes hazy and his knuckles ache from his grip on the sheets. When it’s over, he lays on his back and pants, his ears ringing as Kurt lays beside him, looking at him in a way that makes it too easy to get on his knees at the edge of the bed and reciprocate, testing and tasting until he has to hold Kurt’s thighs down so he doesn’t shake apart.
They lie together afterwards, holding each other skin-to-skin, and Finn could almost forget that it can’t last. He knows he has to get up though, stumble into his own room, and lay in his own bed, missing Kurt like a part of his body. Kurt asks him to stay, but it’s half-hearted; they haven’t talked about what they would say to their parents and can’t stand the thought of Burt or Carole finding them like this. So Finn slinks out of Kurt’s room and into his own bed to find the sheets cold and full of fitful sleep and unmemorable dreams.
The next day the Hudson-Hummels find themselves coexisting in the den; Burt reads the Sunday paper, Kurt clicks away on his laptop, Carole watches a gardening show on TV, and Finn tries to steel himself for his big announcement. It was a suggestion that he’d considered months ago, before he ever thought anything would happen with Kurt, but he knows that Kurt’s acceptance to NYADA is the impetus to finally commit. “Hey, guys? I’ve made an important decision. About my future… what I wanna do.”
Everyone stops and focuses their attention on Finn. Finn’s body is slanted towards Burt and Carole but away from Kurt, so he can’t see his gaze, but he can feel it. “I think… I wanna take over the shop. Ya know, when you aren’t here, Burt.”
Burt’s eyebrows rise. “Really, son? This is the first I’m hearin’ of it.”
“Yeah, I know. But I’ve been thinking about it. It’s something I can really do, ya know?” Finn looks down at his hands as his picks at the corner of a throw pillow. “Besides, Kurt’s leaving, so someone’s gotta do it, right?” Finn tries so hard to make his voice sound steady that it sounds harsh in his ears.
Finn can’t really see Kurt, but he can hear him close his laptop and rise. “Excuse me,” Kurt says in a high, tight voice as he walks around the couch and up the stairs. Finn resists watching him leave.
Burt doesn’t though, his eyes following Kurt up the stairs before turning his eyes back to Finn. “Well, if you’re sure that’s what you want.” Finn nods. “Alright then,” Burt returns his eyes to the newspaper in his hands. “Come and find me at the shop tomorrow after school. We’ll getcha started.”
Finn agrees and turns to look at his mom. She’s watching Finn carefully, looking concerned. Finn gives her his best lop-sided smile which must placate her some because she just pats his hand and returns to watching her show. Finn stands and returns to his room when his legs are strong enough.
---
Finn kind of forgets that he’s taking finals until he arrives at school in the morning. He does his best to muddle through; Chemistry kind of throws him for a loop, but otherwise they seem to go okay. At the end of the day though, Finn feels a little beaten up. He hasn’t seen Kurt at all-his Navigator was already gone by the time Finn left the house in the morning-and he thinks darkly that maybe it’s for the best. When Finn pulls up at the Hummel Tires & Lube, Burt waves in invitation to his office.
“Hey, buddy,” Burt greets. “Come on in ‘n have a seat.” When Finn complies, Burt stops scrolling on his computer and swivels in his seat to face Finn. He leans back and studies Finn closely, his hands crossed over his middle. “So,” he says, unhurried. “You ‘n Kurt, huh?”
Finn wishes he had seen this coming, because then maybe he would have been able to keep the shock and guilt and fear off of his face. “Um... what?”
Burt shakes his head down at his lap. “Listen, don’t try to snowball me, kid. I know you both think you’re so slick, but I can see it all over you… both a’ you.” Burt lifts his chin. “How long?”
Finn gulps and doesn’t even consider lying. “Not long.” Burt stares unnervingly at Finn, causing Finn to scramble to diffuse the situation. “We were gonna tell you, just… after we figured some stuff out. That’s all.”
Burt unfolds his hands and sits up. “I get it, believe me. What I don’t get is just exactly what you think you’re doin’.” Finn looks down at himself sitting in the chair-he is literally doing nothing-and wonders what Burt is talking about. Burt clarifies, “I mean with what you said the other day… about takin’ over the shop.”
Oh. “I’m just… Kurt is going to New York, and he’s gonna have this whole amazing life… And that’s awesome, because he deserves it.”
“Right,” Burt nods sharply once. “And?”
“And he’s not gonna need me! He’s not gonna… want me.” Finn digs his elbows into his knees and buries his head in his hands. “Why would he?” Finn can’t keep the self-pity out of his voice.
“Hmm.” Burt is quiet for a moment. “I’m guessin’ you haven’t said any of this to Kurt.” Finn looks up at Burt and his pathetic face must answer the question for him. “Okay, I’m only gonna tell you this one more time. You have to tell Kurt stuff. He’s a smart kid-smarter than either of us-but he can’t help you if you keep things from him.” Burt stands up and walks around to sit on the front of the desk. “That’s my advice, and don’t forget it next time. It shouldn’t be my job to make sure you guys… do… whatever you do.”
Burt ushers Finn to the door, but Finn spins back around on him. “Does this mean you aren’t gonna teach me about running the shop?”
“Once you get everything figured out and decide that’s what you want, I’ll be here.” He offers a small smile and taps Finn on the shoulder with his fist. “Love you, kid.”
Finn wants to hug Burt, decides against it, and then does it anyway. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Burt chuckles. “Now get outta here ‘n go find ‘im.”
Finn rushes home, but the only car he finds in the driveway is his mom’s. He runs in the house, hastily asking where Kurt is and it’s probably a little rude, but he can’t help it. Carole’s face is questioning, but she nonetheless informs him that Kurt’s spending the night at Rachel’s. Hearing the news feels like having a bucket of ice water dumped over his head. Graduation is tomorrow and yeah, finals are over so his actual classes will be kind of pointless, but he doesn’t understand how Carole would let Kurt spend such an important night with anyone else. Finn forgets to thank Carole for her help, hops in his truck, and speeds all the way to Rachel’s house.
Rachel’s dad, LeRoy, answers the door. Finn’s relieved; he was always the friendlier of the two when it came to Finn, probably because he wasn’t the one that Finn accidentally clocked in the head. “Mr. Berry. Um, hi… Is Kurt here? I really need to talk to him.”
“Well, Finn! What a nice surprise! Yes, he’s upstairs; please come in…”
Finn shakes his head. “No, thank you. I’ll just… wait right here.”
LeRoy looks puzzled, but he goes back inside so Finn sits on the porch swing and waits, watching cars as they drive by. It’s a few minutes before Kurt slips out the front door. He looks just as puzzled as LeRoy was.
Kurt has his shirt sleeves unbuttoned and rolled-up to the elbow, looking casual and relaxed. Finn wonders how Kurt can always be so composed when he is such a mess. “Finn… What are you doing here?”
“Hey,” Finn greets and immediately feels stupid for it. “Sorry to bother you. I just… I have to tell you some stuff, so just let me, okay?”
“Okay,” Kurt drawls like he’s humoring him.
Finn does his best to explain. “I just wanted to say that… I really am happy for you. And… I get that you’re leaving, and that everything will be different, and… I understand.” Finn shakes his head, having trouble finding the words. “I don’t blame you, for wanting more than this… I’ll never be like the guys in New York, and I… don’t want to hold you back.”
“Wait…” Kurt gestures with a flat hand like he’s trying to slow down time. “Is that what all that was? Some ‘if you love him, let him go’ garbage?”
“Kurt.” Finn can’t help but cross over to him now; he has to touch him. “You can do better than Lima. You can do better than me. I know that, and I’m sorry that I made this all so complicated. I just wanted you so bad that I…”
Kurt coos his name and tries to slip his arms around Finn, but Finn steps back and doesn’t let him. Finn turns to leave before he drops to his knees and begs for something selfish. Maybe he didn’t get why this has to end until now, but now that he understands, he can’t pretend that he doesn’t. Finn doesn’t even say goodbye; he just turns around and gets in his truck, listening to Kurt call his name and watching him in his rear-view mirror.
Finn’s only a couple of blocks away when his phone rings. It’s Kurt; of course it is. Finn turns his phone off frantically, as if it’s a threat he has to put down. He drives aimlessly, making pointless loops and crosses in the neighborhoods of Lima until he ends up at the park, which is as good a place to think as any, he figures. He walks the bike trail for a long time, raging and feeling sorry for himself. If the park benches weren’t cemented into the ground, he would have kicked them all over in his turmoil.
When the sun starts to set, he heads home and is met by both Burt and Carole, each showing their worry in their individual ways. Burt is strangely quiet and Finn knows he’s disappointed him, but in the moment he doesn’t care. He just has to get through tomorrow; get through graduation so that he’s an adult and can leave the house, because Finn is aware enough to know that he can’t stay strong with Kurt so close. He knows Puck and his mom will take him in if it comes to that.
The next day at school is a half-day for seniors, after which they’ll be released to get ready for the graduation ceremony. Finn gets his yearbook signed by his friends-and by some people he hardly ever speaks to-and wonders if what they write will even matter in a few years’ time. When the seniors are finally released, Finn heads home to find that Kurt still isn’t there. Finn realizes that he has essentially run Kurt out of his own house, and Finn feels so guilty that he almost skips lunch. As he chews his grilled cheese sandwich, Finn wonders if given the opportunity if he would take it all back; if he would keep his feelings for Kurt a secret even if it means that he never, ever got to hold him. Finn hates himself a little bit to realize that no, he wouldn’t.
Burt and Carole get off work early in order to get ready for the ceremony. Neither of them mentions Kurt-or Finn’s extreme moodiness-and Finn’s grateful. Finn looks in his closet and tries to decide which tie he’s going to wear when there’s a knock at his bedroom door. It’s Rachel, of all people.
“Hello, Finn,” she greets, letting herself in. Finn never turns, mindlessly staring at his ties as if one would eventually jump out at him. “This one,” she advises, plucking from a sad hanger a blue one with multi-colored, diagonal pin stripes and handing it to him. “It’s the one Kurt would pick.” Finn looks at her then, confused by the comment, but before he can stare dumbly for too long Rachel tells him that he has to come with her right away.
Finn blinks at her. “Right now? Rachel, graduation is in a couple of hours.”
“I know,” she says with exasperation. “But Mr. Schue has made some changes in the set list for the ceremony and he’s throwing an emergency rehearsal. We can’t rehearse without our co-captain and male lead.”
Finn sighs. He was kind of hoping to hide out in his room until it was time to go, but when Glee calls, Finn answers. “Alright. Gimme a minute to get ready, okay? I’ll be right down.”
When Finn and Rachel finally arrive at the auditorium, the lights are low and no one else is in sight. “Umm, Rachel? You aren’t gonna try to get us back together again, are you? Because…”
“No, no, no,” Rachel assures him as she waves her hands from side to side at the wrists. She pulls him to the front row of the upper section of seats and pushes him to a sit. “I just really need you to sit here and watch; that’s all.” Rachel smiles without teeth, but before she turns all the way around she confides quietly, “And just for the record… I’m really happy for you.” In a flash she’s gone, leaving Finn to blink dazedly in her wake.
Suddenly, lights brighten on stage revealing Brad on stage right playing a mellow but upbeat tune. It’s kind of familiar, but before Finn can place it, a cymbal crashes as lights brighten further to show the jazz band on stage left and a spotlight falls upstage to reveal Kurt, dressed sharply with a bejeweled microphone in his hand. Kurt picks up the cue seamlessly, his voice earnest and steady as he begins to sing.
Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever no matter how it feels today
Kurt strolls over to the piano and sits down next to Brad on the bench, but facing the opposite direction. He leans back precariously over the keys, causing Brad to boggle at him a little.
Chances are we'll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be
He rises and moves to center stage as Rachel meets him to harmonize for the second verse.
Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
'Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you
Rachel takes his hand and they smile as their arms swing between them. Other members of the Glee club file on stage from the wings, half from off-right and half from off-left, the lines of them passing through each other and looping around Kurt and Rachel. As they pass the front of the stage, each of them smiles and acknowledges Finn; Puck shoots Finn with his finger-guns.
I'm just a realistic man, a bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through, yeah
Someone grabs Rachel away from Kurt, leaving him alone in the spotlight. The rest of them pair up behind him, circling around their partners in time with the music.
It's a fight with two to one, lay your money on the sun
Until you crash what have you done? Is there a better bet than love?
Finn can hardly believe his ears. Kurt is up on stage singing to him in front of everyone. When Kurt sings the word ‘love’, Finn can’t help but feel hope rising in his throat like a lump. In that moment, Kurt strides up to the front of the stage and finds Finn’s eyes somehow, despite the spotlight on him.
Chances lost are hope's torn up pages
Maybe this time
Suddenly Kurt sprints down the stairs at the front of the stage and up the ones to the upper level of seating. He’s smiling as he sings and never misses a beat as he grabs Finn’s hand and drags him up on stage with the rest of the club.
Chances are we'll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken, and I can see
Kurt brings them to a stop in center stage, filling his beautiful voice with emotion and looking deeply into Finn’s eyes. Finn can see the rest of the club swirling around them out of his peripheral vision, but turns his head. Kurt has him captivated.
Chances are only what we make them… and all I need
Kurt’s voice fades away as Brad plays the piano outro. Kurt’s mic hand relaxes and drops to his side as he watches Finn with a fond look on his face. Finn can feel the stillness in room as the rest of the club waits in anticipation for his reaction. It doesn’t matter though; everyone or no one could be watching, and Finn would do the exact same thing. He wraps his arms around Kurt, pulling him in and kissing the breath out of them both.
When Puck whistles and tells them to “get some,” Kurt and Finn part and Kurt shoots Puck a mock-bitchy glare. Finn laughs as his friends swirl around them, applauding and congratulating them, the noise of their questions and affectionate goading echoing in the room. Finn feels warm all over with gratitude and acceptance, enjoying the sound of Kurt’s tinkling laugh. Eventually the group disbands in separate directions, but when Santana talks about putting her robe on as she walks away, Finn’s jaw drops in realization.
“Oh, god,” Finn groans. “I left my stuff at home! I’m gonna have to go back and get it. How much time do we have?”
Kurt shakes his head and stills Finn with a hand on his arm. “No, you don’t. I brought your robe and mortarboard with me. They’re in my car.”
Finn blinks. “You mean you took my stuff with you before you left for Rachel’s?”
Kurt nods in a ‘well, duh’ expression. “I knew you’d forget it.”
“So you were planning on us making up all along?”
Kurt raises one eyebrow. “I didn’t know we were fighting, not until you made a scene at Rachel’s.”
“But, I…”
Kurt puts a hand up to stop Finn from rambling and steps close into his body. “I admit that what you said stung, but when I figured out what was going on, I knew that I could fix it.” Kurt puts hand on Finn’s cheek and Finn leans into it. “Finn, I’m going to New York-I can’t not-but I don’t think that means we have to give this up. I mean… that’s not what I want.” Kurt’s voice softens. “Do you?”
Finn shakes his head vehemently, closing his eyes with how much he means it. Finn wishes that in this moment he wasn’t still worried, but he is. “But what if…”
Kurt’s brow furrows with incredulity. “Why do you keep doing that? Why did you try so hard to win me over, only to disbelieve that I could love you back?” When Kurt says the L-word again, it stops Finn in his tracks. “Finn, I’m not sure how this is going to go either, but I’m not too scared to find out. How can I prove it to you… Should I invite you to come to New York with me?”
Finn is kind of shocked. He had never really considered it. “You’d… want that?”
“If it’s what you want. You can stay and run the shop, or you can come to New York and find yourself, or… I don’t know! But whatever you decide, if you want your future to include me like this,” Kurt gestures between them and Finn knows exactly what he means, “then we’ll make it work. Okay?”
Finn nods, his emotion a tangible lump in his throat. He tugs Kurt to him and embraces him fiercely, feeling like he can’t get him close enough. Suddenly a thought occurs to him. “Wait. So you’re saying that I pretty much made up all that bad stuff in my head?”
“Yep,” Kurt confirms with the smuggest smirk he can muster. “You kinda did.” Finn feels like an idiot, but he doesn’t have to say as much before Kurt teases him and tugs at his sleeve. “And people say that I have a flair for the dramatic.”
Finn laughs and it’s mostly relief. He still doesn’t know what will happen with them or where they will end up, but suddenly their future looks so full of possibility. Finn has all summer to decide what to do and Kurt will be right there to help him. Actually, now that Finn thinks about it, maybe Kurt was onto something when he mentioned drama; Finn thinks he’ll have to look into that.
Packed with people and music, the auditorium thrums with excitement and enthusiasm as Principal Figgins names each graduate in turn. When he moves his tassel from left to right, a wave of nostalgia hits Finn, reminding him of the trials and the triumphs that he had in this school and on this very stage. Kurt’s name is called next and by the time he joins Finn in the risers, Finn can feel his feelings overtaking him: pride, fear, gratitude. Finn can feel himself start to worry about the future, about adulthood and what it means, but before he can panic, Kurt slides his hand into Finn’s and steadies him. Finn can feel his tension ease and reminds himself that he doesn’t have to have all the answers; not right now. He has time. Besides, the best thing he got out of high school is still standing next to him, shoulder-to-shoulder and hand-in-hand.
Bonus art by epanaphoric
Aw, it's over? Take me to the Masterpost again.
Kurt receives his NYADA letter four days before graduation. Kurt shows Finn the envelope the second he pulls it from the mailbox, his face stoic and pale. Finn encourages him to open it, but Kurt refuses, insisting on waiting for Burt and Carole. Carole arrives home first and when she sees the envelope, she calls Burt and orders him to come home right away. The second he pulls into the driveway, Carole practically yanks him from the car and drags him inside. The whole family gathers in a silent circle in the living room as Kurt holds the envelope away from his body in the neutral space between them. Upon Burt’s prodding, Kurt turns it over and tears it open. He reads carefully; Finn watches his eyes move along the lines of text. Kurt’s arms drop as his face fills with shock. He got in.
Suddenly the room comes alive. Burt cheers, picking Kurt up and swinging him around in a circle. Carole kisses Finn hard on each cheek before doing the same to Kurt and tucking herself into Burt’s side. Kurt turns to Finn, his face unrestrained, full of awe, and achingly beautiful. Finn’s first instinct is to kiss Kurt; to scoop him up and pour his pride into him with his fevered mouth. With their parents standing and watching them though, Finn manages to hold back. Instead he steps up to Kurt and hugs him with everything he has, squeezing until Kurt makes a little noise as the air is forced from his body; Kurt squeezes back just as fiercely though, so Finn doesn’t worry. They don’t let go until Burt clears his throat, forcing the two teens to step back and breathe again.
Kurt’s phone rings and it’s Rachel. When Kurt picks up the call, Finn can hear Rachel squealing even though the phone isn’t on speaker. She is accepted too, and invites the Hudson-Hummels over for a sparkling cider celebration. By the time they get to the Berrys’ house, the party is in full swing, Rachel’s two fathers singing and playing the piano in turn as Rachel offers snacks to a few members of the Glee club. When she sees Kurt, she rushes to him and the two embrace and chatter about their prior worries and eventual elation. Finn feels awkward for a moment, but Rachel notices his presence and hugs him too, thanking him for his support. Finn hugs and congratulates her, relieved that things seem to be okay between them.
Kurt floats about the room in triumph, balancing a flute of sparkling cider in his hand and accepting praise from their friends. His eyes dance and his cheeks flush as he chats with people, more confident and elegant that Finn has ever seen him. Finn hangs back and watches as Kurt has his moment in the sun. When Puck approaches him, Finn smiles; he thinks it’s pretty cool that Puck would come out to support Rachel and Kurt for something like this.
“Hey, bro.” Puck greets Finn with a single, manly chin lift. He looks around the room, before holding out one side of his jacket to show a silver-tone flask in his inside pocket. “I think this party needs a little octane. You want some?”
Finn shakes his head, amused. “Nah, I’m good.”
“Suit yourself,” Puck says as he ducks his head into his jacket to take a swig. When he resurfaces, he asks, “Did you think more about my offer? Ya know… you and me in Hollywood, cleaning pools and banging chicks out in the sun all day?” He leans over conspiratorially. “And we’re talkin’ starlet tail, dude… grade A stuff. You’d be crazy not to come with me.”
Finn waves Puck’s offer away and Puck gives him a disbelieving look as he explains. “Look, man; I appreciate the offer, but… that’s just not for me.” Finn watches Kurt as he and Rachel spin each other around in the center of the room to the music, laughing and joyous.
Puck follows Finn’s eye line before turning back to him. “She’s not gonna be here, man.”
The statement startles Finn out of his thoughts. “Huh?”
“She’s not gonna be here. I don’t know what you’ve got planned to get her back, but she’s leaving, dude. Her and Kurt are going to New York, so unless you plan on following ‘em…”
Finn’s blood runs cold, the realization hitting him shamefully late. Kurt is leaving. In the fall he’ll go to school in New York and Finn will be… who knows where. Kurt is currently celebrating that he’s leaving Lima and never looking back; he’s dancing with Rachel as Finn watches from the sidelines. It’s startlingly telling.
His emotion must show on his face, because Puck claps a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Sorry to break the bad news, but somebody had to.” He pats Finn again before retracting his hand. “Think about it. Cali calls, dude.”
Finn stands stunned at the edge of the room. He does his best to smile and perform as people come up to him and ask how excited he is for Kurt and Rachel, but he feels more numb with each passing moment and Kurt looks farther and farther away.
It’s pretty late when they return home, so Burt and Carole turn in quickly, but not before hugging and congratulating Kurt one more time. Once they’ve gone upstairs, Kurt turns to Finn and rakes his eyes over him. Finn thinks he knows what he’s thinking and he doesn’t want to talk about it, so instead he says, “I didn’t see Blaine at the party.”
Kurt waves a hand like it’s not that weird. “Well, he’s at home this weekend and had some function with his parents. They wouldn’t let him out of it. I called him though, and he was really happy for me.”
Finn smiles with all the force he can muster. “That’s good. It still sucks he missed it though.”
Kurt agrees distractedly, narrowing his eyes at Finn. “Is everything… okay?” He reaches out to touch Finn, but Finn withdraws. Finn can hardly stand how worried Kurt looks. “Finn?”
Finn sighs and puts himself in check. Kurt is finally getting his break: his dream is coming true and he’s getting the opportunity he needs to get out of Ohio and into the spotlight. It should be the happiest day of Kurt’s life and Finn can’t bear to sully it. “I’m sorry,” Finn says and shakes his head. “I’m just kinda tired.” He loops his arms around the small of Kurt’s back to pull them flush together. “You’re amazing, Kurt. I knew you’d make it, and I’m totally proud of you.”
The worry lines slide off Kurt’s face as he exhales. Kurt pulls Finn down to him, kissing him roughly, like he’s been waiting for too long, and Finn gives it back to him. “I missed you,” Kurt confesses, his lips still touching Finn’s. “At the party. I wanted you with me. Next to me.”
Finn feels the words in his gut. “Me too.” He kisses Kurt again, finding first his lips and then his chin and the soft skin underneath. “Me too.”
Kurt hums as he grasps Finn’s hipbone. “Let’s go upstairs,” he blurts in a hushed tone. His eyes look so big.
Finn wonders if this is it-figures that it must be. Kurt’s leaving and he needs to say goodbye. Finn can’t blame him; he wouldn’t pick himself over the fabulous life of New York. Maybe he should refuse Kurt’s offer in the name of self-preservation, but he wants this, needs it, and if it causes him more grief later, well then it’s his own fault.
“Yeah,” Finn agrees as he pets the hair at the nape of Kurt’s neck. “Come on.”
Kurt leads Finn up to his room and closes the door behind them. They kiss and touch each other in places they haven’t had a chance to discover before, keeping as silent as they can. Kurt pulls Finn’s shirt off and Finn helps free Kurt of his layers. Kurt presses Finn to the bed and Finn just lets him; lets him take whatever he wants and feels the purpose in it. Kurt puts his mouth on Finn first, and it’s so good that Finn’s eyesight goes hazy and his knuckles ache from his grip on the sheets. When it’s over, he lays on his back and pants, his ears ringing as Kurt lays beside him, looking at him in a way that makes it too easy to get on his knees at the edge of the bed and reciprocate, testing and tasting until he has to hold Kurt’s thighs down so he doesn’t shake apart.
They lie together afterwards, holding each other skin-to-skin, and Finn could almost forget that it can’t last. He knows he has to get up though, stumble into his own room, and lay in his own bed, missing Kurt like a part of his body. Kurt asks him to stay, but it’s half-hearted; they haven’t talked about what they would say to their parents and can’t stand the thought of Burt or Carole finding them like this. So Finn slinks out of Kurt’s room and into his own bed to find the sheets cold and full of fitful sleep and unmemorable dreams.
The next day the Hudson-Hummels find themselves coexisting in the den; Burt reads the Sunday paper, Kurt clicks away on his laptop, Carole watches a gardening show on TV, and Finn tries to steel himself for his big announcement. It was a suggestion that he’d considered months ago, before he ever thought anything would happen with Kurt, but he knows that Kurt’s acceptance to NYADA is the impetus to finally commit. “Hey, guys? I’ve made an important decision. About my future… what I wanna do.”
Everyone stops and focuses their attention on Finn. Finn’s body is slanted towards Burt and Carole but away from Kurt, so he can’t see his gaze, but he can feel it. “I think… I wanna take over the shop. Ya know, when you aren’t here, Burt.”
Burt’s eyebrows rise. “Really, son? This is the first I’m hearin’ of it.”
“Yeah, I know. But I’ve been thinking about it. It’s something I can really do, ya know?” Finn looks down at his hands as his picks at the corner of a throw pillow. “Besides, Kurt’s leaving, so someone’s gotta do it, right?” Finn tries so hard to make his voice sound steady that it sounds harsh in his ears.
Finn can’t really see Kurt, but he can hear him close his laptop and rise. “Excuse me,” Kurt says in a high, tight voice as he walks around the couch and up the stairs. Finn resists watching him leave.
Burt doesn’t though, his eyes following Kurt up the stairs before turning his eyes back to Finn. “Well, if you’re sure that’s what you want.” Finn nods. “Alright then,” Burt returns his eyes to the newspaper in his hands. “Come and find me at the shop tomorrow after school. We’ll getcha started.”
Finn agrees and turns to look at his mom. She’s watching Finn carefully, looking concerned. Finn gives her his best lop-sided smile which must placate her some because she just pats his hand and returns to watching her show. Finn stands and returns to his room when his legs are strong enough.
---
Finn kind of forgets that he’s taking finals until he arrives at school in the morning. He does his best to muddle through; Chemistry kind of throws him for a loop, but otherwise they seem to go okay. At the end of the day though, Finn feels a little beaten up. He hasn’t seen Kurt at all-his Navigator was already gone by the time Finn left the house in the morning-and he thinks darkly that maybe it’s for the best. When Finn pulls up at the Hummel Tires & Lube, Burt waves in invitation to his office.
“Hey, buddy,” Burt greets. “Come on in ‘n have a seat.” When Finn complies, Burt stops scrolling on his computer and swivels in his seat to face Finn. He leans back and studies Finn closely, his hands crossed over his middle. “So,” he says, unhurried. “You ‘n Kurt, huh?”
Finn wishes he had seen this coming, because then maybe he would have been able to keep the shock and guilt and fear off of his face. “Um... what?”
Burt shakes his head down at his lap. “Listen, don’t try to snowball me, kid. I know you both think you’re so slick, but I can see it all over you… both a’ you.” Burt lifts his chin. “How long?”
Finn gulps and doesn’t even consider lying. “Not long.” Burt stares unnervingly at Finn, causing Finn to scramble to diffuse the situation. “We were gonna tell you, just… after we figured some stuff out. That’s all.”
Burt unfolds his hands and sits up. “I get it, believe me. What I don’t get is just exactly what you think you’re doin’.” Finn looks down at himself sitting in the chair-he is literally doing nothing-and wonders what Burt is talking about. Burt clarifies, “I mean with what you said the other day… about takin’ over the shop.”
Oh. “I’m just… Kurt is going to New York, and he’s gonna have this whole amazing life… And that’s awesome, because he deserves it.”
“Right,” Burt nods sharply once. “And?”
“And he’s not gonna need me! He’s not gonna… want me.” Finn digs his elbows into his knees and buries his head in his hands. “Why would he?” Finn can’t keep the self-pity out of his voice.
“Hmm.” Burt is quiet for a moment. “I’m guessin’ you haven’t said any of this to Kurt.” Finn looks up at Burt and his pathetic face must answer the question for him. “Okay, I’m only gonna tell you this one more time. You have to tell Kurt stuff. He’s a smart kid-smarter than either of us-but he can’t help you if you keep things from him.” Burt stands up and walks around to sit on the front of the desk. “That’s my advice, and don’t forget it next time. It shouldn’t be my job to make sure you guys… do… whatever you do.”
Burt ushers Finn to the door, but Finn spins back around on him. “Does this mean you aren’t gonna teach me about running the shop?”
“Once you get everything figured out and decide that’s what you want, I’ll be here.” He offers a small smile and taps Finn on the shoulder with his fist. “Love you, kid.”
Finn wants to hug Burt, decides against it, and then does it anyway. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Burt chuckles. “Now get outta here ‘n go find ‘im.”
Finn rushes home, but the only car he finds in the driveway is his mom’s. He runs in the house, hastily asking where Kurt is and it’s probably a little rude, but he can’t help it. Carole’s face is questioning, but she nonetheless informs him that Kurt’s spending the night at Rachel’s. Hearing the news feels like having a bucket of ice water dumped over his head. Graduation is tomorrow and yeah, finals are over so his actual classes will be kind of pointless, but he doesn’t understand how Carole would let Kurt spend such an important night with anyone else. Finn forgets to thank Carole for her help, hops in his truck, and speeds all the way to Rachel’s house.
Rachel’s dad, LeRoy, answers the door. Finn’s relieved; he was always the friendlier of the two when it came to Finn, probably because he wasn’t the one that Finn accidentally clocked in the head. “Mr. Berry. Um, hi… Is Kurt here? I really need to talk to him.”
“Well, Finn! What a nice surprise! Yes, he’s upstairs; please come in…”
Finn shakes his head. “No, thank you. I’ll just… wait right here.”
LeRoy looks puzzled, but he goes back inside so Finn sits on the porch swing and waits, watching cars as they drive by. It’s a few minutes before Kurt slips out the front door. He looks just as puzzled as LeRoy was.
Kurt has his shirt sleeves unbuttoned and rolled-up to the elbow, looking casual and relaxed. Finn wonders how Kurt can always be so composed when he is such a mess. “Finn… What are you doing here?”
“Hey,” Finn greets and immediately feels stupid for it. “Sorry to bother you. I just… I have to tell you some stuff, so just let me, okay?”
“Okay,” Kurt drawls like he’s humoring him.
Finn does his best to explain. “I just wanted to say that… I really am happy for you. And… I get that you’re leaving, and that everything will be different, and… I understand.” Finn shakes his head, having trouble finding the words. “I don’t blame you, for wanting more than this… I’ll never be like the guys in New York, and I… don’t want to hold you back.”
“Wait…” Kurt gestures with a flat hand like he’s trying to slow down time. “Is that what all that was? Some ‘if you love him, let him go’ garbage?”
“Kurt.” Finn can’t help but cross over to him now; he has to touch him. “You can do better than Lima. You can do better than me. I know that, and I’m sorry that I made this all so complicated. I just wanted you so bad that I…”
Kurt coos his name and tries to slip his arms around Finn, but Finn steps back and doesn’t let him. Finn turns to leave before he drops to his knees and begs for something selfish. Maybe he didn’t get why this has to end until now, but now that he understands, he can’t pretend that he doesn’t. Finn doesn’t even say goodbye; he just turns around and gets in his truck, listening to Kurt call his name and watching him in his rear-view mirror.
Finn’s only a couple of blocks away when his phone rings. It’s Kurt; of course it is. Finn turns his phone off frantically, as if it’s a threat he has to put down. He drives aimlessly, making pointless loops and crosses in the neighborhoods of Lima until he ends up at the park, which is as good a place to think as any, he figures. He walks the bike trail for a long time, raging and feeling sorry for himself. If the park benches weren’t cemented into the ground, he would have kicked them all over in his turmoil.
When the sun starts to set, he heads home and is met by both Burt and Carole, each showing their worry in their individual ways. Burt is strangely quiet and Finn knows he’s disappointed him, but in the moment he doesn’t care. He just has to get through tomorrow; get through graduation so that he’s an adult and can leave the house, because Finn is aware enough to know that he can’t stay strong with Kurt so close. He knows Puck and his mom will take him in if it comes to that.
The next day at school is a half-day for seniors, after which they’ll be released to get ready for the graduation ceremony. Finn gets his yearbook signed by his friends-and by some people he hardly ever speaks to-and wonders if what they write will even matter in a few years’ time. When the seniors are finally released, Finn heads home to find that Kurt still isn’t there. Finn realizes that he has essentially run Kurt out of his own house, and Finn feels so guilty that he almost skips lunch. As he chews his grilled cheese sandwich, Finn wonders if given the opportunity if he would take it all back; if he would keep his feelings for Kurt a secret even if it means that he never, ever got to hold him. Finn hates himself a little bit to realize that no, he wouldn’t.
Burt and Carole get off work early in order to get ready for the ceremony. Neither of them mentions Kurt-or Finn’s extreme moodiness-and Finn’s grateful. Finn looks in his closet and tries to decide which tie he’s going to wear when there’s a knock at his bedroom door. It’s Rachel, of all people.
“Hello, Finn,” she greets, letting herself in. Finn never turns, mindlessly staring at his ties as if one would eventually jump out at him. “This one,” she advises, plucking from a sad hanger a blue one with multi-colored, diagonal pin stripes and handing it to him. “It’s the one Kurt would pick.” Finn looks at her then, confused by the comment, but before he can stare dumbly for too long Rachel tells him that he has to come with her right away.
Finn blinks at her. “Right now? Rachel, graduation is in a couple of hours.”
“I know,” she says with exasperation. “But Mr. Schue has made some changes in the set list for the ceremony and he’s throwing an emergency rehearsal. We can’t rehearse without our co-captain and male lead.”
Finn sighs. He was kind of hoping to hide out in his room until it was time to go, but when Glee calls, Finn answers. “Alright. Gimme a minute to get ready, okay? I’ll be right down.”
When Finn and Rachel finally arrive at the auditorium, the lights are low and no one else is in sight. “Umm, Rachel? You aren’t gonna try to get us back together again, are you? Because…”
“No, no, no,” Rachel assures him as she waves her hands from side to side at the wrists. She pulls him to the front row of the upper section of seats and pushes him to a sit. “I just really need you to sit here and watch; that’s all.” Rachel smiles without teeth, but before she turns all the way around she confides quietly, “And just for the record… I’m really happy for you.” In a flash she’s gone, leaving Finn to blink dazedly in her wake.
Suddenly, lights brighten on stage revealing Brad on stage right playing a mellow but upbeat tune. It’s kind of familiar, but before Finn can place it, a cymbal crashes as lights brighten further to show the jazz band on stage left and a spotlight falls upstage to reveal Kurt, dressed sharply with a bejeweled microphone in his hand. Kurt picks up the cue seamlessly, his voice earnest and steady as he begins to sing.
Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever no matter how it feels today
Kurt strolls over to the piano and sits down next to Brad on the bench, but facing the opposite direction. He leans back precariously over the keys, causing Brad to boggle at him a little.
Chances are we'll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be
He rises and moves to center stage as Rachel meets him to harmonize for the second verse.
Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
'Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you
Rachel takes his hand and they smile as their arms swing between them. Other members of the Glee club file on stage from the wings, half from off-right and half from off-left, the lines of them passing through each other and looping around Kurt and Rachel. As they pass the front of the stage, each of them smiles and acknowledges Finn; Puck shoots Finn with his finger-guns.
I'm just a realistic man, a bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through, yeah
Someone grabs Rachel away from Kurt, leaving him alone in the spotlight. The rest of them pair up behind him, circling around their partners in time with the music.
It's a fight with two to one, lay your money on the sun
Until you crash what have you done? Is there a better bet than love?
Finn can hardly believe his ears. Kurt is up on stage singing to him in front of everyone. When Kurt sings the word ‘love’, Finn can’t help but feel hope rising in his throat like a lump. In that moment, Kurt strides up to the front of the stage and finds Finn’s eyes somehow, despite the spotlight on him.
Chances lost are hope's torn up pages
Maybe this time
Suddenly Kurt sprints down the stairs at the front of the stage and up the ones to the upper level of seating. He’s smiling as he sings and never misses a beat as he grabs Finn’s hand and drags him up on stage with the rest of the club.
Chances are we'll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken, and I can see
Kurt brings them to a stop in center stage, filling his beautiful voice with emotion and looking deeply into Finn’s eyes. Finn can see the rest of the club swirling around them out of his peripheral vision, but turns his head. Kurt has him captivated.
Chances are only what we make them… and all I need
Kurt’s voice fades away as Brad plays the piano outro. Kurt’s mic hand relaxes and drops to his side as he watches Finn with a fond look on his face. Finn can feel the stillness in room as the rest of the club waits in anticipation for his reaction. It doesn’t matter though; everyone or no one could be watching, and Finn would do the exact same thing. He wraps his arms around Kurt, pulling him in and kissing the breath out of them both.
When Puck whistles and tells them to “get some,” Kurt and Finn part and Kurt shoots Puck a mock-bitchy glare. Finn laughs as his friends swirl around them, applauding and congratulating them, the noise of their questions and affectionate goading echoing in the room. Finn feels warm all over with gratitude and acceptance, enjoying the sound of Kurt’s tinkling laugh. Eventually the group disbands in separate directions, but when Santana talks about putting her robe on as she walks away, Finn’s jaw drops in realization.
“Oh, god,” Finn groans. “I left my stuff at home! I’m gonna have to go back and get it. How much time do we have?”
Kurt shakes his head and stills Finn with a hand on his arm. “No, you don’t. I brought your robe and mortarboard with me. They’re in my car.”
Finn blinks. “You mean you took my stuff with you before you left for Rachel’s?”
Kurt nods in a ‘well, duh’ expression. “I knew you’d forget it.”
“So you were planning on us making up all along?”
Kurt raises one eyebrow. “I didn’t know we were fighting, not until you made a scene at Rachel’s.”
“But, I…”
Kurt puts a hand up to stop Finn from rambling and steps close into his body. “I admit that what you said stung, but when I figured out what was going on, I knew that I could fix it.” Kurt puts hand on Finn’s cheek and Finn leans into it. “Finn, I’m going to New York-I can’t not-but I don’t think that means we have to give this up. I mean… that’s not what I want.” Kurt’s voice softens. “Do you?”
Finn shakes his head vehemently, closing his eyes with how much he means it. Finn wishes that in this moment he wasn’t still worried, but he is. “But what if…”
Kurt’s brow furrows with incredulity. “Why do you keep doing that? Why did you try so hard to win me over, only to disbelieve that I could love you back?” When Kurt says the L-word again, it stops Finn in his tracks. “Finn, I’m not sure how this is going to go either, but I’m not too scared to find out. How can I prove it to you… Should I invite you to come to New York with me?”
Finn is kind of shocked. He had never really considered it. “You’d… want that?”
“If it’s what you want. You can stay and run the shop, or you can come to New York and find yourself, or… I don’t know! But whatever you decide, if you want your future to include me like this,” Kurt gestures between them and Finn knows exactly what he means, “then we’ll make it work. Okay?”
Finn nods, his emotion a tangible lump in his throat. He tugs Kurt to him and embraces him fiercely, feeling like he can’t get him close enough. Suddenly a thought occurs to him. “Wait. So you’re saying that I pretty much made up all that bad stuff in my head?”
“Yep,” Kurt confirms with the smuggest smirk he can muster. “You kinda did.” Finn feels like an idiot, but he doesn’t have to say as much before Kurt teases him and tugs at his sleeve. “And people say that I have a flair for the dramatic.”
Finn laughs and it’s mostly relief. He still doesn’t know what will happen with them or where they will end up, but suddenly their future looks so full of possibility. Finn has all summer to decide what to do and Kurt will be right there to help him. Actually, now that Finn thinks about it, maybe Kurt was onto something when he mentioned drama; Finn thinks he’ll have to look into that.
Packed with people and music, the auditorium thrums with excitement and enthusiasm as Principal Figgins names each graduate in turn. When he moves his tassel from left to right, a wave of nostalgia hits Finn, reminding him of the trials and the triumphs that he had in this school and on this very stage. Kurt’s name is called next and by the time he joins Finn in the risers, Finn can feel his feelings overtaking him: pride, fear, gratitude. Finn can feel himself start to worry about the future, about adulthood and what it means, but before he can panic, Kurt slides his hand into Finn’s and steadies him. Finn can feel his tension ease and reminds himself that he doesn’t have to have all the answers; not right now. He has time. Besides, the best thing he got out of high school is still standing next to him, shoulder-to-shoulder and hand-in-hand.
Bonus art by epanaphoric
Aw, it's over? Take me to the Masterpost again.