Shadows of the Past

[xena_warrior]

Solan laid on the bed in darkness, trying to fall asleep. But excitation because of the day which has been spend with family was too bright, and he could not relax, continuing to reflect about events that happened today. The toys presented to him, conversations with mum and her husband

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[xena_warrior]

Xena could not fall asleep this night. Conversation with Snake all time span in her head, and she decided to talk to the son alone. Xena slowly went on steps, trying to not rustle. Despite of that confidence which she felt after their conversation, it disappeared with each step. Xena as if felt, as her foots grow heavy. The fear held down her body. Fear and remorses. Yes, she asked a pardon for the son when has met him in Illusia. She wanted to believe, that Solan forgiven her. But one thing still was here. She could not forgive herself. And it burnt her from within.
Xena stopped at door in the guest room. There was a silence inside. She silently opened the door and looked at the son sleeping in the bed. This time he really slept. She saw, as his breast rises and falls under a blanket.
Xena cautiously turned and left in the hall. She sat in chair and began to wait. They can talk when he will wake up.
She sighed, trying to find the necessary words once again.
Loud scream in the bedroom forced her to jump up. It was Solan, and she instantly flown in the room, looking around ready to to beat off unknown danger.
Snake already was there, holding the boy in hands, Solan continued to scream. And she was frightened for one instant, that Snake has caused him a pain somehow. She run up to them, ready to push him away from the son, but, having heard Snake's soothing words, stopped.
Solan? Solan, dear?

[_call_me_snake_]

Snake loosened his grip in case Solan wanted to go to his mother.

Nightmares, I think.

Snake took Xena's hand gently and held the boy with the other.

[xena_warrior]

She lied, it is a lie, my mum was not able to do it!..
Solan sobbed, still being between dream and a reality.
Xena pulled him to herself and pressed to the breast, calming, stroking his back.
Solan, wake up. Its only a nightmare. We are near to you, and you have nothing to be afraid...
She kissed him on a nape.
Boy opened the eyes still obscured by a recent nightmare and looked at her, obviously not understanding where he is
Tell me, that she has told a lie, mum... However, its no matter. I love you... And I'll wait for you there...anyway...

[_call_me_snake_]

Snake smiled and left them for a moment returning with a cool cloth to wipe the boys cheeks with. It was good to hear the statement of love. Snake had no idea what he was talking about but it meant a lot and perhaps it would ease Xena's fears.

[xena_warrior]

Xena taken the cloth from Snake's hands and gently wiped cheeks of the son. Having heard his last words, she froze for one instant, having looked on Snake, then looked down and asked quietly and very cautiously:
Whom do you speak about, Solan? Who has told a lie to you?
She kissed him again, this time on a cheek.
I love you,too, and always loved. Even if I realized it too late...
She almost exhaled last words, it was a heavy recognition, but Xena should make it to get rid of this burden.

[_call_me_snake_]

Snake smiled and gave Xena a kiss on the cheek.

I'm going to go check on the girls.

SNake needed to and he also felt like Xena and Solan might need a few minutes alone.

[xena_warrior]

Snake has left to check up girls, and Solan was silent some time, looking on the door. Xena stroked his long hair, trying to untangle his blonde locks.
" I have frightened you, " - the boy murmured, starting to be ashamed of an alarm which was arisen because of his nightmare. " Everything is all right, such things happen with each man even once in a life, - she has told, pressing lips to his forehead. - What did you saw? "
Solan sighed, having recollected ruthless eyes of that girl from his dream.
" I saw my death, - he said slowly, selecting words, - This girl, Hope, she has told, that you wanted to kill her. "
Xena grown dark, having pressed him to herself closer.
" Do not worry, mum, I do not believe her. You were not able to do it. "
She closed eyes.
" And what if it was the truth? "
Solan looked at her mistrustfully.
" Solan... - it was difficult for her to speak, but Xena knew, that should make it right now. - Hope was daughter of Gabrielle and Dahak, the very malicious god. I really tried to kill this child... since the moment of her birth. Because this girl was a vessel for evil... And someone should destroy her before she would cause many troubles to our world... "
" But how have you found out, what she was the embodied evil? " - Solan asked.
Xena sighed again, feeling as the old pain comes to life in the breast. Really, why she decided so? Why she has taken such right on herself? She discussed this conflict to Gabrielle... But how to explain it to the son?
" She has told, that killed me because of self-defense, -he said quietly. - Because you pursued her. "
Xena closed eyes and whispered.
" Perhaps, I was wrong, Solan. Perhaps, this girl had chance to become good, but I have deprived her with opportunity to choose. I was too self-confident and thought, that have the right to judge other people. But nobody has such right. Because nobody is innocent. And especially I. "
She looked at him.
" I am sorry, Solan. I am guilty in your death, and only I. I have made all mistakes in the past, but you have paid for them with own life. I have drawn a trouble upon you when decided to visit your settlement. Your uncle warned me, and, perhaps, if I have listened to him then... If I continued to keep your site as fiduciary... you could survive. But I wanted to be near to you, Solan, if not as your mother, then as your friend..., - her lips trembled, - and I have ruined you. "
Solan looked at her very seriously, and then, after a short pause answered very silently.
" Mum. If I had a choice: to live long life without you, or to live only two weeks, but near to you... how do you think, what would I choose? "
Xena froze, looking at him in a shock, and then burst out crying, having buried the face in his shoulder.
Solan never saw her crying and was shocked and confused.
He awkwardly stroked her shoulders and hair, trying to calm her down.
" Mum... please... do not cry... think yourself, whether could I make this choice if I have not forgiven you? "
She continued to sob, cannot calm down.
Solan pulled her to herself, supporting, rocking to sleep...
"Mum...please...don't cry...please..."

[_call_me_snake_]

Snake checked in on the girls and tucked them back into bed before returning. Snake was confused by all the crying when he walked back into the guest room. He'd rarely seen Xena cry.

Snake looked at Solan and then sat next to Xena putting his arm around her.

It's alright baby.

[xena_warrior]

Xena has forced herself to calm down with effort of will and wiped the wet face.
Yes, everything is all right now ... I think...
Solan felt the hand of Snake on her and recoiled from mother slowly.
You should not worry because of me, - he murmured, having looked back on Snake, - believe me, everything will be all right with me. You should think of those people which you will live further with. I want, that you were happy. Really.

[_call_me_snake_]

Snake smiled at both of them. I think both of you should stop worrying.

[xena_warrior]

Perhaps, you are right...
She straightened and looked at Snake.
And I try... But, alas, it not always turns out. Callisto...
She broken off for some time, then continued
Callisto has told to me once, that I am not able to forget some things... And the anger overflows me, eclipsing reasons of mind. I try to get rid of it, but probably, there should pass a lot of time that I could perceive some things easy. It does not honor me, I know. And it causes a lot of anxiety to people, which are close to me.

[_call_me_snake_]

Snake smiled at Xena. Whomever Callisto is she's wrong about you. FOr one thing you've forgiven me.

[xena_warrior]

It gives me hope that I have really changed.
Xena hugged the son again, then told to him absolutely in other voice.
You should have a sleep, Solan. If you want... I'll be near to you...
Solan nodded and lain on the bed, having covered by a blanket.
I have alarmed all of you. - he told quietly. - Frighten of nightmare, like the little girl.
Xena sat down on a bed near him and kissed him on a forehead.
You are most brave boy in the world, - she whispered.
You know, nightmares never dreamed me before, - Solan muttered starting to fall asleep.
She looked at Snake, then taken Solan's arm.
You will not see nightmares anymore. I'll wipe them away. I am able to do it. Just trust in me, o'key?

[_call_me_snake_]

Snake smiled cynically. Nothing wrong with nightmares. I have them all the time. Snake shrugged. I woke up from mine just before you did.

Snake put his arms around both of them. His own nightmare was still fresh in his mind.

[xena_warrior]

Solan looked at him with mistrust. Snake looked such courageous and self-assured, unless could such man be frightened of nightmares?
Are you serious?
Xena turned to him and has told quietly, having stroked his cheek.
I would like to dispel your nightmare too... Can I?

[_call_me_snake_]

Nightmares are made of fears we don't want to voice or situations we just can't dispel.

Snake held them both tighter. You are helping them right now.