i dont wanna get lost in the ocean.

[xemoxstarzx]

i am constantly fighting a cival war. my head and heart just cannot seem to agree. i am ready to detach. i want to, i need to. and yet i still see everyone around me getting what they what - what they need, and i am left in the dust. i feel like i am so small. i am not used to being this insignificant. i feel like i am not making any difference what so ever, and i dont know what i am working for. there is so much i wish i was doing with my time instead of what i am. i dont want to live a life of security. i dont want to be safe. i want to spend my money on frivolous things. i want to have no idea where my next meal will come from, but know i will always have a full belly. i am afriad that i will once again fall into a routine and become ordinary and bland. i spend so much time trying to figure out things for others, i have forgotten to figure things out for myself. i feel alone. i feel completely void of love. leaving me desparate and my heart out there and easily crused, making matters wrose. but i have no desire to go home. there are problems there i do not have the courage to face. so i stay here, worry, dont sleep, and get angry at the only people i have. i have let myself become something other than what i planned to be. but because of that i dont even want to be the person i had planned to be.

I AM SO LOST. SOMEONE PLEASE FIND ME.