im sorry, i needed to get it out.
This entry will just be me getting everything on my mind out.
I'm a worthless failure just on my own. I thought that you and I were something but I lied to myself. My logic mind decieved me. I don't want it to end right here. The fact is, I just want to be friends. I have tried so hard and waited for you so long. I know you need to figure out your feelings. I've given you 5 months to sort out your feelings. This is not how its going to end. We are just friends. I want to be friends, but I always thought something was there, that made us so much more. Did you see that, "that made us so much more." Again, I feel like I have lied to myself for too long. There is no hope. I hope I commit suicide when im twenty. Maybe everyone will be happy, then. Im sick of people taking advantage of me and then laughing at me. thinking its funny. every time that happens i want to kill myself. but no, you sit there and you laugh. i want to cry, i've cried almost every day of my life, but no, you don't care how my life is, you just want a quick laugh. You want to gang up on me and beat me up, fine. Do it. My mom used to beat me all the time. Did I ever fight back? No. So there you have it, now you know you can beat me up. The truth is, I do love you, jaki, but i need to use my logic. It's hard to pull away but I have to. I really do love you. I'm just sick of my life being like this. I just want to scream that I love you. but it has no effect on you. I know you don't love me. I know it will never work. I know that i'm just fucking worthless. Who the fuck would care if I commited suicide? Maybe you would cry for a day. and then live your life and forget about me. There are people who have died at my school who I didn't know but I don't think twice about it. Maybe its the same way. And if I ever died, no one would care. There wouldn't be anything remembering me. But I got it all out.
nick
I'm a worthless failure just on my own. I thought that you and I were something but I lied to myself. My logic mind decieved me. I don't want it to end right here. The fact is, I just want to be friends. I have tried so hard and waited for you so long. I know you need to figure out your feelings. I've given you 5 months to sort out your feelings. This is not how its going to end. We are just friends. I want to be friends, but I always thought something was there, that made us so much more. Did you see that, "that made us so much more." Again, I feel like I have lied to myself for too long. There is no hope. I hope I commit suicide when im twenty. Maybe everyone will be happy, then. Im sick of people taking advantage of me and then laughing at me. thinking its funny. every time that happens i want to kill myself. but no, you sit there and you laugh. i want to cry, i've cried almost every day of my life, but no, you don't care how my life is, you just want a quick laugh. You want to gang up on me and beat me up, fine. Do it. My mom used to beat me all the time. Did I ever fight back? No. So there you have it, now you know you can beat me up. The truth is, I do love you, jaki, but i need to use my logic. It's hard to pull away but I have to. I really do love you. I'm just sick of my life being like this. I just want to scream that I love you. but it has no effect on you. I know you don't love me. I know it will never work. I know that i'm just fucking worthless. Who the fuck would care if I commited suicide? Maybe you would cry for a day. and then live your life and forget about me. There are people who have died at my school who I didn't know but I don't think twice about it. Maybe its the same way. And if I ever died, no one would care. There wouldn't be anything remembering me. But I got it all out.
nick