(no subject)
Really in a bad way today. I talked about my Mum a while ago on here for those of you who have been here for a good few months.
So last night was my sisters fiance's stag party, and they had a big fall out cause he ignored her texts and stuff, so she got her bags and came through here (shes a major drama queen, more so than me) so she stayed here and stuff, crying and all that.
Then this morning my Mum came into my bedroom and asked if I could go for a coffee with her cause she really needed to get outa the house. She said we'd just sneak away without Adelle (sis) or my Dad noticing and just have some alone time cause she was so stressed after last night.
So I got up, even though I was soooo tired, got dressed and did myself up perfect (shes really moany about how I look when I go out with her, she cares a lot about what other people think) then I went along and I was talking to Adelle in the dining room, then she shouted through to the living room 'Mum, I'm going to John Lewis to find a dress for Jessica (her daughter) do u wanna come with me?'.
Then a few mins later when Adelle was putting stuff in her car, Mum said 'do u want to come?' I was like 'Mum I dont have time for shopping, I told u, I only have time for coffee cause I have an essay to start and I'm working at 6!' Then when I was going along to my room after taking my jacket off and admitting defeat, I asked her if she could bring me a bottle of pepsi max back since I'm stuck in all day and she said yeah and gave me a big hug. I slumped one arm round her and she was like 'wheres ur other arm?! give me a good hug' so I slumped the other arm round her too and she was like 'love u' and I just gave a disapointed smile and walked along to my room.
I cant believe her! She tried to make everything ok by giving me a hug. She was trying to justify it and it was like 'oh Im such a good mother cause I hug my daughter and tell her I love her'. I hate it. I love my sister but I hate her for being more perfect than me. My mother would never pick me over her, no matter what the situation was. I just feel like crying and crying forever. But I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to starve, because thats so much more practical. And when my bones are ripping through my skin, maybe then she'll love me more than her.
So last night was my sisters fiance's stag party, and they had a big fall out cause he ignored her texts and stuff, so she got her bags and came through here (shes a major drama queen, more so than me) so she stayed here and stuff, crying and all that.
Then this morning my Mum came into my bedroom and asked if I could go for a coffee with her cause she really needed to get outa the house. She said we'd just sneak away without Adelle (sis) or my Dad noticing and just have some alone time cause she was so stressed after last night.
So I got up, even though I was soooo tired, got dressed and did myself up perfect (shes really moany about how I look when I go out with her, she cares a lot about what other people think) then I went along and I was talking to Adelle in the dining room, then she shouted through to the living room 'Mum, I'm going to John Lewis to find a dress for Jessica (her daughter) do u wanna come with me?'.
Then a few mins later when Adelle was putting stuff in her car, Mum said 'do u want to come?' I was like 'Mum I dont have time for shopping, I told u, I only have time for coffee cause I have an essay to start and I'm working at 6!' Then when I was going along to my room after taking my jacket off and admitting defeat, I asked her if she could bring me a bottle of pepsi max back since I'm stuck in all day and she said yeah and gave me a big hug. I slumped one arm round her and she was like 'wheres ur other arm?! give me a good hug' so I slumped the other arm round her too and she was like 'love u' and I just gave a disapointed smile and walked along to my room.
I cant believe her! She tried to make everything ok by giving me a hug. She was trying to justify it and it was like 'oh Im such a good mother cause I hug my daughter and tell her I love her'. I hate it. I love my sister but I hate her for being more perfect than me. My mother would never pick me over her, no matter what the situation was. I just feel like crying and crying forever. But I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to starve, because thats so much more practical. And when my bones are ripping through my skin, maybe then she'll love me more than her.