Back from a good night
Well yesterday lets see... I trained for a couple hours at pines, then chilled for the duration of the time and txted Kris and other people in the process. Cuz kris had some dude that just wanted to bang her and i dunno i felt weird thinking of them having sex for some reason, even though she does it alot with people that don't seem to mean anything to her it seems. But while i was jogging late at night i got a txt back saying how she told him that she didn't wanna do anythign cuz she liked someone else, i was hoping it was me but now i think it's her friend dan that she had sex with the night before. I try not to think to much on it, it's none of my business and it's not fair for me to judge her over shit like that, but damn it's hard to hold back my feelings when i hear shit like that. And i just don't know what i am to her, she has so many people who like her and i guess i'm maybe just another toy on her wall? But i dunno, if i was just another toy wouldn't we have had sex already? And last night after i was done wiht my jog i went to her house and chilled, and talked all night basically. We ended up cuddling up on her bed and fallling asleep to x men 3. Man i love holding someone like i was holding her, she is truly beautiful. We woke up a little bit later and fucked around some more, i was trying to put my fingers up that girl's nose but goddamn she can fight, maybe that's why i like her hah. Then we ended up falling asleep again then woke up again at like 8ish i think and she went to bathroom while i chilled and then we laid down again and while i was holding her i had to piss so i split for a second to piss and wash my mouth out with some tooth paste and junk. Took my shirt off cuz i wanted to be more comfortable, went and laid down and then i held her once again. Throughout us sleeping together, i would find myself awake watching her sleep. I admit kissing her cheek once of twice lol, but i dunno this one time she reacted in a wierd way by turning away right after i kissed her and wiping off where i kissed her lol... I wasn't sure if she was just reacting that way cuz she was asleep or something. But yah then we ended up waking up at like 12ish, and talked for a good hour or so. Then had to go home cuz she has to go over her dad's house for food and other stuff most likely. Then i think she's hanging out with the kid Dan she likes it seems, i'm not dumb i can see how things are u kno. She's talking about how it's hard to hang out with him and how she tries to call him and junk, and how she likes him "sorta." I wonder if she would call me or txt me to hang out if i didn't txt her or anything.. I must mean something if she cuddled with me and let me hold her all night we slept together. I dunno, maybe it's selfish for me to think that she likes me. Oh well, it was still a awesome night. SOme of the best i've had in a while. But this feeling, it's a mixed feeling of happiness and excitement that i got this much closer to her sleeping with her all night and holding her. Then this other feeling that cancels out this happiness, it's a feeling of jealousy maybe? I think it's more of a sadness and depressed jealousy that i feel thinking of kris liking this other guy. I mean u can't really like two people at once. We spent the whole night together, maybe i do mean something. I can only hope, it's just hard that she's so open with havin sex with people, i dunno if im jealous or if i just feel that she doesn't know how special she is. Who knows, i'm not like... I LOVE U KRIS OMFG! MARRY ME!!!! lmao. I just like her alot, and love hanging out with her as a good friend. I know i don't have time for a relationship at this time of my life. I have to get refocused. It's just hard, cuz she's so popular and i just don't know where i stand to be honest, and it hurts knowing she doesn;t txt me nor call me like she does to her other friends. Maybe it's cuz i am a loser? Oh well, i'm thinking way to much on this. All i know right now is that she likes this other dude Dan, and that i had a awesome night with her. And i hope that i can do it again.